They Told Me I Was Gone ~Joshua Dun FanFiction~

I'm Open a Moment

I was in Maya's office, once again. She had just finished a long monologue about medication benefits, but I didn't listen to any of it, so I have no idea what she said. I just nodded every once in awhile, as I thought about Josh. I knew that we would more than likely being going to The Bean together today, the way we always did and I wondered if he was going to ask me any more questions. I wanted to prepare myself for it in case he did.

"So, Shae, I notice you always leave here with a boy. Who is he?" She asked, leaning forward the way she always did. I think she thought it made me trust her more or something because she only did it when she really wanted answers to something.

"Josh. I think he goes to another therapist here." I didn't want to give her too much right away or she would get too excited about me talking and want to know every detail about every aspect of the rest of my life. Whenever I showed an interest in talking to her, she immediately went overboard with questions.

"Do you spend a lot of time with him?"

I shrugged, "We go to the same coffee shop and sit at the same table." I knew it wasn't a big deal, we were just nice to each other, but Maya was going to blow this way out of proportion.

Sure, I really liked spending time with Josh. I really enjoyed his company and I liked when he talked to me and I didn't feel so alien around him. I actually kind of had feelings when he was around; I wasn't entirely numb to everything when I was with him and it was something I never experienced before. I don't know if Josh would call me his friend, but he was the closest thing I ever had to a friend.

"That's interesting. For not liking to be around people, you spend a lot of time with him. Why is that?" That was such a generic therapist question. It was almost as bad as and how does that make you feel?

I shrugged again, "I liked being around him. He doesn't bother me too much. We barely even talk, but it's nice to have some company that doesn't think I'm a total freak." I think that was the most honest thing I had ever said to Maya, and once I said it I felt like there were a million other things I had to say, "I kind of almost feel, maybe happy, or something when I'm with him, I guess." I wasn't entirely sure what 'happy' felt like. I didn't know if this was what it was like to feel happy and wanted but I did know that it was a good feeling, so why turn it away?

At this point, no matter what my feelings were, happy or sad or angry, I was just thankful to not be numb for a little bit.

"He makes you happy?" she asked, very surprised and amazed. I knew she would be. Even I was amazed, not sure how to process the whole emotions thing.

"Yeah, I guess."

She gave me a very pleased look, "That's great. You're making progress. Now, if you would just consider medication..."