Make Me Fall

22. Locked Away

After my branding I was shown back to my room and locked in there. Yes, that's right, the door is now constantly locked from the outside. Every day my tutor is let in. But it's the holidays, right? Yes, I don't have a school tutor. I have a tutor who teaches me to be a Death Eater. They are literally trying to brainwash me now. I don't know why, I got branded, didn't I? I haven't openly expressed any doubts on my position. So, that tutor comes weekdays, all mornings and every afternoon, except Fridays. Then Mum gives me wife lessons. She's currently teaching me how to throw a garden party. At this rate, the only thing I'll be throwing is a fit.

Draco and I have 'visits' every Saturday afternoon for one hour with a chaperon. We're not allowed to touch each other or come within a foot of each other. Usually we just sit and hate our lives in silence. It's so frustrating! I'm about ready to rip someone's head off.

You're probably wondering why I don't use magic to get myself out, right? They took my wand. THEY TOOK MY WAND! I am a prisoner in my own home. 

I check my watch. It's nearly three, my visit with Draco is for three. I glance in the mirror and fix my hair, then stand beside the door, waiting for Mother to let me out. He's coming here today.

At two-to-three the door opens and I step out into my limited freedom. I hear the doorbell ring and Father shows Draco and our chaperon, Daisy, in. I walk downstairs and greet Draco with a nod. Neither of us are smiling, just standing formally.

"Shall we go to the gardens?" Daisy says. Draco and I fall into step beside each other and head outside. Daisy takes her seat where she can see us wherever we are and starts to knit. Draco and I walk around the gardens in silence for a bit.

"I return to school tomorrow," he says, "and my, uh, mission begins."

I stop and look up at him. He's grown a few inches over the summer, while I've stayed short.

"Be careful," I plead. He glances behind us at Daisy. He pulls his wand out and mutters something. I glance around and see Daisy falling asleep. Draco grabs my hand and we dive into the garden shed. My heart is racing, I haven't had physical contact in so long. Draco brushes my hair off my face and kisses me, gently at first, then more desparately. I twist my hands into his hair, holding him close against me.

"Oh, Draco," I breathe as we pull apart for air. I have tears rolling down my face.

"Sh, it's okay," he says, wiping them away. I bury my face in his chest and he holds me tightly, stroking my hair.

"It's not fair," I whisper, "you have to kill him or..."

"Or the Dark Lord will kill me," Draco says, "my father says it's an honor to have been chosen..."

I wrap my arms around him.

"Draco, promise me you'll be careful," I implore, "don't do anything stupid."

"Don't worry, I have a plan," he says, running his fingers up and down my back. I kiss him softly and wipe my eyes.

"Autumn?"

I look up at Draco. He bites his lip.

"I... I love you," he says nervously. I burst into tears again.

"I love you too!" I sob, holding him tightly, "I'm going to miss you so much!"

"I'll write, I promise," he says, kissing the top of my head.

We sneak out of the shed and wake Daisy, who insists she and Draco leave at once. I see them to the door and Draco and I stand face to face, a foot apart. Neither of us seems to know what to say, since we've already said our goodbyes.

"Write," I say quietly.

"I will," he says.

And then he's gone. And I'm alone. Again.

***

I start my school lessons again on Monday and every day I watch for Draco's owl, but it never comes. I fall into a depression. I barely eat, I can't sleep and I can't concentrate. What if something has happened to him? Surely Mother and Father would have told me, wouldn't they?

By the time the Christmas holidays roll around I've lost a lot of weight. All of my clothes hang on me and I look awful. Mother dresses me to go to the Malfoy's Christmas party, but I'm barely even excited that I'll be joining the adults.

We walk into the entrace hall and hand our coats to Peter, then file into the dining room. The table has been pushed to one side, leaving plenty of space for dancing. The Dark Lord himself is here. I hide behind my parents, not wanting to see or talk to anyone. Mother and Father, however, take it upon themselves to introduce me to everyone who speaks to them, meaning I have to fake a smile and act as though it's an honor to be in their presence.

After half an hour I realise I haven't seen Draco at all. I excuse myself, saying I need the bathroom, and sneak up to his bedroom. I knock and push the door open. He's sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. I run across to him and rest my hand on his shoulder.

"Draco?"

He looks up, shocked.

"I thought you were my mother," he says. His voice is soft, and he looks sick. It appears we've both been affected by his mission. I kiss him, wanting to feel close to him. He stands, wrapping his arms around me.

"I've missed you," he murmurs, running his nose down my cheek.

"You didn't write."

"I'm sorry, I was so worried about this mission," his breath is hot in my ear.

"How's it going?"

"Not well."

His voice breaks and I step back, staring at him, panic filling me.

"Draco-"

"I know," he runs his hands through his hair, "I don't know if I can do this."

I grab the front of his robes, shaking my head.

"You have to," I tell him, "I won't lose you."

There's a knock on the door and we both leap out of our skins. I dive under the bed as the door opens. I see Mrs Malfoy's shoes enter the room.

"Draco, come downstairs," she says, "you haven't seen Autumn yet."

"I'll be down in a minute," Draco says. She leaves again and I wiggle out from under the bed.

"That was close," Draco smirks, brushing dust out of my hair. I take his hand.

"Come on, we've waited sixteen years to be allowed to join the adults, we might as well enjoy it," I say.

Saturday visits will resume until Draco goes back to school. I'll only get to see him once more, since he's travelling on a Saturday. I'm going to miss him.