Make Me Fall

34. Resolutions

"This could get us both killed!" Draco yells. I step forward and grab the journal off him.

"And don't even try the 'you shouldn't have been reading it' bullshit," he warns. I close the journal, trying to stay very calm, despite the fear coursing through my veins. He's right, I shouldn't have written some of the things I did in there. I walk into the kitchen, my hands shaking, and throw it in the fire. I watch as years of my life go up in smoke. All of my thoughts and fears, my school life, everything, blackens and turns to dust. When I turn away, Draco is standing in the door way. I push past him and go and get my bag. I walk upstairs to the spare room I'd been sleeping in and start unpacking in there. Then I go into the bedroom and gather the rest of my things and move them into the bedroom.

"What're you doing?" Draco demands as I start folding clothes and putting them into the chest of draws.

"Unpacking," I snap.

"Why're we moving rooms?"

"We're not," I huff, "I am. You're staying in the other room."

"What?" there's a tinge of hurt in his voice.

"Draco, this clearly isn't working," I say, stopping and looking at him, "we fight over everything, we need our own space. We're teenagers! We're too young to be married, this whole thing is utterly ridiculous. We just need to pretend that everything is fine. When we're at home we don't need to talk to each other."

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"We're different people," I say, "you know now that I'm not dedicated to the Dark Lord. How can I be? I'm not a pureblood, I'm not even really part of my family. They took me because I brought them protection. What happens now is up to you. You can tell everyone who I am and what I'm doing, or you can let me do it and pretend you don't know. The choice is yours."

"There's no choice," he says. I sigh.

"Fine, tell the-"

"Autumn," he interrupts, "on our wedding day I swore to protect you and maybe I won't die if I break that vow, but I would lose you, and that would be worse."

I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"Look," Draco sighs, "I don't agree with what you're doing, I think it's stupid and dangerous, but I can't stop you, it's your choice. Just, think about it."

"I have," I tell him, "Draco, hunting people, torturing, killing them, it's not right! Blood status, it doesn't matter! Hermione is a muggle born and she's the smartest in our year, you know she is! You can't honestly think that what we're doing is right."

"Of course I don't think it's right," Draco says, "but in the end, isn't it better to be on the winning side? We'll all die otherwise."

"Firstly, how do you know we're on the winning side?" I ask, "and secondly, being dead would be better than living in fear. What do you think will happen if we win and in ten years time the Dark Lord finds out who I really am? Do you think he'll sweep it under the rug? No, he'll kill me and anyone else who knows!"

"But my parents-"

"Your parents were faithful supporters for years," I say, "and look at what happened to your family when your dad couldn't get the prophecy. This is so much worse. If the Dark Lord knew who I was he'd use me to get to Harry, we both know he would, and this would all be over by now. How do you think he would react knowing you had his link to Harry all along?"

Draco is frowning, considering what I'm saying.

"What do we do, then?" he asks.

"See if we can pull off this scam and survive until the end of the war?"