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I hate that I love you.
Trigger warning: Self harm
Calum was on the brink of insanity.
Did she have to follow them everywhere? They were in Japan and he was starting to get better but she had to fly her ass to Japan to be with Luke.
They were in the dressing room getting ready for tonights show, while calum quietly tuned his bass in the corner alone, every time he would look up his heart would crack a little bit more.
Luke and arzaylea were on the couch making out like usual. Michael and Ashton gave them disgusted glances but would just continue in conversation after.
He really was alone.
"You're on in 5 minutes boys." Dave came into the room to retrieve them.
With whoops and hollers they gathered their instruments and fled down the hall to the stage. Calum walking slowly behind them. He watched as Luke took his arm off Arzayleas waist because she had to go in the audience because she wasn't allowed back stage during the show.
She quickly smashed her disgusting glossed lips on Luke's before heading off. He turned around and looked at Calum.
"Hey calum, good luck tonight." Calum silently nodded and rushed passed him.
They all took their spots on stage, the lights went on and screams erupted throughout the arena.
"Hey everybody!" Luke shouted in the mic which caused another wave of screams.
Then Michael played the chords to permanent vacation and the night went on.
Finally wrapped around your finger started playing. ( I know calum doesn't have a part in this but let's just pretend )
When Calums part came up with he knew he couldn't do it. He had already started tearing up. This song reminded him of Luke to much. The times when they were hopelessly in love, it seems like it only lasted a night.
"You were mine for a night," His voice had already cracked and tears where streaming down his face. The music hadn't stopped so he just let the crowd sing his part.
He looked over at Luke who was already staring at him, pity written all over his face.
"I'm sorry guys." Calum whispered into the mic. The music had cut out. Calum knew he had to come up with a quick excuse.
"Just listening to all of you sing reminds me of how far we made it, I'm so grateful for all of you.
Cheers sounded throughout the building and they sang their closing song, giving a goodbye and thanking the audience.
"What the fuck was that Calum!" Ashton yelled after they got back to their room.
"I'm so-"
"No you're not sorry, everyone is tired of you moping around you need to get your act together!" Ashton continued yelling at him.
"Ashton please stop." Michael was pleading with him.
"No I'm not gonna stop this band is falling apart because of you! This is All. Your. Fault." Calum had already run out of the dressing room, and headed outside to get a ride back to the hotel.
He went back to his hotel. The words kept swimming in his mind. He kept repeating to him self, tugging his hair and hitting his fists against his head.
"This is all my fault!" He screamed in his empty hotel room picking up a vase and chucking it across the room.
He ran into the bathroom he had stayed strong for long enough.
"I can't do this anymore!" He shouted at his own reflection, he couldn't bare to look at the broken boy in front of him anymore.
Swinging his arm back full force Calum's fist was brought to the mirror with a sickening crunch. The mirror broke. Shards of glass scattered across the floor as he was quick to pick up what looked like the sharpest shard.
"It's all your fault, it's all your fault." He whispered repeatedly. As he dragged the glass over his skin over and over and over again.
He could hear from the bathroom the door to his room being knocked on.
"Please go away." He whispered obviously not loud enough for the person to hear. Then he heard his room open, he doesn't remember anyone else having a key though.
"Calum?" He heard the voice shout.
"Where are you?" He had forgot to lock the bathroom door. And he didn't realize it until the it swung open, revealing Luke's face.
Luke scanned the bathroom his eyes landing on the Raven haired boy.
"Oh Calum" he muttered.
"Go away."
Calum heard the crunch of glass under shoes.
"Let's get you cleaned up."
Luke picked the smaller lad up and set him on the sink, wrapping his arms in cloth.
"I'm so sorry Calum, I didn't want this to happen."
"I hate you."
"You don't mean that." Luke said with glassy eyes.
"I want to."
"But you don't. Come on Calum."
Luke carried Calum into the other room setting him down on the bed.
"It's all my fault." Calum whispered brokenly.
"No it's not Calum."
"Even you said it was."
"I didn't mean it, I didn't know what I was saying I was just upset. It my fault I left you for that bitch I'm sorry."
"You had to leave Luke you know that."
"I shouldn't have, because I love you."
"I don't think so Luke. I will always love you but we can't love each other."
"I know."
"You should probably leave."
"I don't want to."
"But you have to. Arz is probably waiting for you."
"I love you." Luke's voice cracked.
"I know." Luke pressed one last kiss to the Maori boys lips and left.
After sitting on his bed staring at the ceiling. Calum whispered.
"I hate that I love you."
IM LITERAL SHIT. This hit me so hard I hate my life sorry guys.
