I cant hear you... But I wish I could

Chapter Ten (10)

Owen's p.o.v

It was so cold.

I have been sitting in the tub for an hour at most, my head lolled to the side and my cuts have stopped bleeding and I was tired as crap, but now my cuts have now turned red same with the bloody water Ive been sitting in. They would scar sooner or later.

Reminding me of another time that I had been bullied, another time that I had let it get to me, another time I had cut myself. They'd never leave my skin.

My mom, she would never know. Because I would hide it from her, like I did before.

My eyes felt heavy, and I had a choice. Everybody has a choice right? ... They can live or die. I dont care what anybody says if you do or dont. But in my eyes, you do. And Im thinking about the choice now.

And right now my choice is leveling onto the dynig side, I have nobody to live for. Sure my mom, but she doesnt count. I have no friends, does Tyler even count? And last on the list nobody loves me, nobody ever will.

Just thinking of that tears my heart in two--no not two, two million. I stared at the blade in the water and reached down to pick it up again from beneath the water.

My heart rate started to accelerate, I ran the blade across my arm once more making me whimper. After that I just starred at it. Do I want to hurt myself.

Do I want to kill myself ?

I brang the blade up to my neck ignoring the coldness biting my skin even worse than before. Not the way I wanted to go but, nobody was here to stop me and I dont want to get hurt ever again.

"Im so sorry mommy" I spoke then pushed it up against my neck, letting it bite at my skin.

Could I even kill myself with this ?

Maybe, maybe not... Lets see.

I straightened my head back up ignoring the ache's from hell itself, and placed the blade to my neck. Putting more pressure on it untill the bathroom door swung open and Tyler peaked his head around, I dropped the razor and it feel into the water, beneath me.

His eyes widened and he drew back the shower curtain.

Then cursed to himself as he looked at me. 'Fuck' I read off his lips.

He wasnt supposed to walk in!

He wasnt supposed to stop me! 

I started to feel drowsy so I clutched onto his shirt preventing myself from falling. Tyler noticed and he grabbed my arm cause my to wince.

He glared at me, and turned on the water from the nozzle washing me off, then turned off the water and started to dry me off, with a towel he got from under the counter. It didnt bug me that my arm hurt, or I was naked infront of Tyler, he wasnt even looking at me.

The thing that bugged me was the way he was looking at me with pity. I didnt want his pity, I didnt want it.

He helped me out of the tub--with one hand on my waist keeping the towel securely there, with the other my shoulder so I wouldnt fall Tyler lifted me so I was sitting on the counter. Taking a cloth rinsing it with soap he started to clean my cuts.

I knew there was tears falling from my face, it hurt so bad it wasnt even funny, it hurt more than atually giving myself those cuts. I wanted to scream but I didnt, I didnt want to seem week. After that he bandaged my wrist then stared.

"Talk to me" he said--he begged.

I stared at him. There was pity in his eyes again. "Im sorry" I apologized looking down. "Im sorry" I said. "Im sorry" I repeated. "Im sorry" I choked out through sobs.

Tyler pulled me in for a hug. "Im sorry" I said into his chest, grabbing his shirt in my fists.

He started to rub my bare back gently in circular motions. My eyes threatened to close, but of course I didnt let them. I wanted to stay awake with Tyler. I didnt notice when he lifted my up so, I kind of got scared. Until he started rubbing my back again which kept me calm.

Laying me on my bed he got me some boxers, and I put them on under my towel. Which I left on my bed and got under the covers. Snuggling into them I watched Tyler, he started to clear up his stuff because he has to leave tonight... Or maybe he could stay ? Tyler put all his dirty clothes into a plastic bag, and set it on my bed. Moving the bag over an pulling out a piece of paper under it.

His eyes went to calm to anger under a second.

The letter,

I shot up directly, and he fixed his gazed off the letter and onto me, then my bare scarred torso. He frowned and sat beside me on the bed, giving me a side hug which sent like a billion shocks up my side.

He wiped tears off my face I didnt even know that was falling... Which made me cry even more. I started to sob, which caused my breath to go irregular. Hiding my face in my palms, I dont want to look weak in front of him. Its going great as you can probably see.

Tyler tried to pull my hands away from my face—no luck. He pulled harder—still not giving up—I slowed down my breathing and made cracks through my fingers, causing Tyler to smile gently at me, when he caught me he pulled my hands off my face and 'forced' me to look up at him, holding my chin in his hand.

I pouted, my arms didnt hurt anymore, now the only think hurting was my heart, if it makes sense because he seen me like this; at my worst.

“Im sorry” I said. “Im sorry, Im sorry.” I repeated. “Im so sorry”

Pulling me in he held me in a full arm hug.

Then soon letting go, making me pout. He was so warm, made me feel special, safe, and important. Some things I havent felt in a long time.

Tyler pulled me into another hug. He turned his head to me and brushed his lips with mine lightly, then kissed my long white scar on my chest with his warm lips causing me to shiver, I wanted him to kiss me again. ''Dont. You. Dare. Think. This-" he paused to point at the letter "-Is. True." I nodded my understanding after reading what he just said off his lips, "Good, now, lay down" I read his orders off his lips, that were once on mine. Obeying I did as he said and went back under the covers and laid down on my pillow, which ate my head.

Closing my eyes, just before I fell asleep I felt his hands wrap around me and his warm heat moved into my body.

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Song - Take care

Picture -

 Well Enjoooyyyy (: