I cant hear you... But I wish I could

Chapter Twenty-Eight (28)

Owens p.o.v

I dug the razor across my wrist, then across again. They were turning red, causing little bumps across my arm, were little incisions hide themselves 

I dont feel anything at all, its to numb.

Im to numb.

I feel like an empty vessel--Im trapped in my body with no reactions to anything in particular.

Like Im in a comma, but I can see.

Again, and again I sliced my wrists, till they were slightly bloody, cut up and raw. I was alone; forever alone.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, in the corner near the toilet, door shut. Razor tightly held in my hands, trying to cut away and memory I have of Tyler.

No love.

Tears feel down my cheeks, as I sniffled. The salty tears getting into my open cuts. They stung, but nothing what I couldnt handle.

It doesnt even feel like when Sean gave me that letter, no. It felt much worse. Think of the most sever pain you have ever had, times like one thousand. Thats how I feel right now.

Maybe its because I was to ugly, maybe its because I have no muscles, maybe its because Im deaf, and unstable, maybe because Im a boy.

Dragging the razor, pointing it deeper in to my skin, I cut it again. Making me inhale a some breath. That hurt; I smiled when more blood poured out of my arm, and onto the floor. Im going to have to clean this, I frowned at the thought.

Getting up, I wobbled, but hunched over. Pointing my finger, the red liquid rolling off and into the toilet. My head snapped to the side when the bathroom door opened, standing there was a shocked mother. She raced towards me, holding my arm. Dropping everything, including her phone. She rushed forward with a towel and quickly knotted it over my arm.

Her eyes glistening with unused tears. My heart clenched. And I started to cry... Again.

Im sorry, I apologized to her in my head. I slithered down the wall, wrapping one arm around me, crying. My mom had to pull me up, and set me on the covered toilet. She took some soap, and started to rinse my cuts as I hid my razor in my pocket. Im not going to loose that too. 

My new sense of happiness.

She held me in her arms, hugging me on the couch, my arm was wrapped but I was still numb.

'What happened sweety?' she signed, wiping her eyes and then wiping my cheeks.

“Hes gone” I sobbed, still hugging her. “Hes gone, hes gone, hes gone”

My mom pulled me back, giving me a look. Tyler, Tyler, Tylers gone. I said to myself, crying. She caught on quickly, and ran to the house phone. I could see her lips move, something like 'Im going to kill him'

But I couldnt let that happen, I dont want to seem weak. So I got up and shook my head, making me dizzy. 'You cant, no, please' I signed to her, she gave me a weird look.

But really, it doesnt matter, as long as hes happy. I dont care. He can live his life with a girl, I just wish he didnt steal my heart. And rip it to pieces making me feel like shit, I dont think Ill ever be able to get over him. My first boyfriend, Tyler Williams.

She shook her head and sighed. Pulling me up, and sitting me in the kitchen chair, leaving, then coming back with food.

My stomach churned at the site, I was hungry... But at the same time I wasnt. My stomach was telling me to eat, my brain, not so much. I found it revolting in my eyes, like if I ate it, I was selfish and I would puke it all out.