apology

six

sorry for not updating last friday !! the servers weren't working properly zz but double update today to make up for it yay :")

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December 16, 2015, 10 p.m.

"Minrae!" Taehyung exclaims as Jimin and I enter the apartment, rushing towards us. "What took you so long?" His gaze falters, falling on my bandaged neck and hand, before going to Jimin, and finally resting back on me. "What happened?" His voice is soft.

I look down, instinctively covering my injured hand with the other. "I'll go get a bath," I excuse myself, leaving Jimin to explain to Taehyung and Hoseok. Three sympathetic pairs of eyes follow me as I head towards the bathroom.

***

The room is dark, to the extent that I cannot even see my five fingers outstretched in front of me. I walk forward, searching for any sign of life.

"Hello?" I call out, "Is anyone there?"

Suddenly, an arm wraps around my neck, and a hand holds a blade to my main artery. "Scream and I slit your throat," Jinsoo's voice echoes into my ear.

"Jinsoo-" I start to say, but falter when a foreign yet familiar figure approaches me. "Unnie..."

The long-haired woman advances forward, her hair drenched and body in the long floral gown that she was wearing that day. She points a finger at me. "Murderer," she tells me, "You murdered me."

"No," I shake my head. "No, I didn't..."

I start to edge backwards, but Jinsoo holds me in place. The woman is getting closer and closer. "You took my life... and now you shall pay."

I shake my head frantically, a scream bursting out of my lungs as the woman caresses my cheek with her blackened hand.

"No one can save you, no one can hear your screams now, precious."

***

I wake up panting heavily, head drenched in sweat. I bolt up from the pillows immediately, gaze falling upon Taehyung, who's sleeping soundly in the sleeping bag on the floor.

My mind goes back to the nightmare I just had.

Unnie, how are you doing up there in heaven?

I sigh. I hate it when I start mental conversations with myself whenever I have nothing to do.

Unnie, do you know? I dreamed of you again. You still blame me, don't you?

You must hate me a lot.

Unnie, I'm really sorry. If you didn't jump in to save me, you wouldn't have lost your life. Every time I wake up from that dream, I'll feel like crying.

I'll always remember that afternoon.

Although I'm alive, I've never been happy. All these years, I've been guilty as hell.

I really didn't mean to. If I had known, I definitely wouldn't have been mischievous, going out to play despite Dad and Mom's objections. I would have obediently listened to them.

I will be a kind person like you, Unnie.

Unnie, will you forgive me?

As the last sentence leaves my mind, tears fall from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks and dripping to soak through my shirt. I quickly wipe them away with my hand, before quietly padding out of the bedroom and walking towards the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of milk from the fridge.

"Can't sleep?" a voice asks from the doorway of the kitchen. I turn, meeting Hoseok's smiling gaze.

At the sight of him, I grin. His warmth is contagious. "Hey. You didn't go home?"

He ruffles his hair, making it messier than it already is. "It was already midnight by the time Tae and I finished the song, so I decided to sleep over tonight." He hesitates, before proceeding to ask his next question. "Do... you wanna talk about it?"

I cock my head at him. "Talk about what?"

"Everything," he says simply, pulling out one of the dining chairs and settling into it. "You were screaming in your sleep just now."

I stiffen for a few moments, before avoiding his gaze and placing the milk on the counter behind me.

Should I tell him? No one knows about this besides my own family. Not even Yoongi.

Then I look up, locking eyes with Jung Hoseok. Somewhere in his gaze, I see warmth. I see security. I see trust.

Maybe this is what a soulmate is like. It doesn't always have to be romantically. It can even be someone you just met.

And just like that, everything that happened that day pours out of my mouth.

I was only ten years old back then. I was a very lively and playful little girl, and I hated staying at home after school. And so, one fine day, I decided to neglect the warnings Mom and Dad gave me, running off to a nearby park alone.

How was I to know that there would be no railings separating the river from the park, and that I would accidentally fall into the waters in the midst of my euphoria.

I screamed my lungs out, struggling to stay afloat.

Just then, a lady nearby heard my cries for help. Without hesitation, she took off her shoes and jumped into the river to save me.

I was so panicked that when I knew someone was nearing me, my two small hands hit against the surface of the river with more strength than before, causing the lady to swallow more than just a few mouthfuls of water. The lady not only had to swim towards the shore, but she also had to comfort the panicked me, using up a lot of energy in the process.

I finally calmed down when the lady said, "Don't be scared, Unnie will bring you back ashore, it's okay." Only then did I stop struggling against her grasp, allowing her to swim me back onto land.

However, because I kept hitting against the waves previously, we ended up drifting further away from shore, and the lady had to use up even more energy to swim us back. I saw with my own eyes how the lady started to slow down with a pained expression on her face.

She's having a cramp.

By then, the shore was already crowded with passers-by. I was scared out of my wits.

When we were only a few feet away from the shore, the lady suddenly pushed me forward with a final burst of strength, sending me towards the shallow part of the river. A few onlookers pulled me onto the shore, asking me how I was.

But they all forgot about the lady, who was still in the river, all energy already drained.

By the time they discovered Unnie, her face was already purple from taking in too much water into her lungs, never being able to reopen her eyes again.

A moment of silence passes as I finally finish my story. Tears threaten to fall for the second time that night, and I hurriedly blink them away before they can stream down my cheeks.

Hoseok hesitates before reaching across the table to ruffle my hair, sympathy and sorrow in his eyes. "It must have been hard for you all these years."

I silently nod, finally allowing myself to cry.

"It wasn't your fault. You shouldn't keep thinking that way," Hoseok tells me in a big-brotherly fashion. "I may sound really mean by saying this, but she's already dead. What's done cannot be undone. The only thing you can do is to stay strong and continue living your life. I don't think that lady would be happy if she saw you like this. After all, she exchanged her life for yours. Wouldn't it be a waste if you weren't happy?"

I meet Hoseok's gaze, my heart feeling a thousand times lighter after what he just said. I grin, nodding and agreeing with him.

Hoseok's right.

It would be a waste if I'm not happy.

Right, Unnie?