apology

twenty-two

December 24, 2015, 10 a.m.

Unnie, do you know?

I met your son again. After eight years, I met him again. What a coincidence, right?

You shouldn't worry about him, though - he's grown into a fine young man. He's even become a singer, and a really great dancer. He's not that ugly either. You must be really proud of him, aren't you?

Unnie, once again, I'm sorry. I say this a lot, but I'm sorry. No words can properly describe how sorry I am.

Because of me, your son lost his mother, and you lost your life.

If I had a chance, I would rather have died in your place than go through the pain and guilt that I'm experiencing now.

I'm sorry.

If only I could turn back time.

"You're still dwelling over that?" Taehyung asks as he enters the living room, where I'm sitting cross-legged on the couch.

"How do you expect me to not dwell over it, Tae?" I snap. "I killed his mother."

"It's not your fault," he tries to console me, plopping down beside me and placing an arm around my shoulders.

"That's what everyone says," I roll my eyes, "but you know that it actually is my fault. You just don't want me to feel bad."

Taehyung sighs. "It's not your fault that his mother chose to save you instead of herself. It's not your fault that the passers-by were so caught up with you that they forgot her. And it definitely isn't your fault that she got a cramp while swimming." He releases my shoulders. "Things happen for a reason, Minrae. Do you think Jimin would have become a singer if his mother was actually still well and kicking?"

"Of course!" I protest, "He would have been an even better one, in fact."

"Do you even know why he became a singer in the first place?" Taehyung challenges, and I slowly shake my head 'no'.

"Is there even supposed to be a reason?" I frown. "Of course he's a singer because he wants to be one. Why would he do something he doesn't like?"

Taehyung snorts. "He hated the spotlight when we first debuted. It was only after we started to gain fans from all over the world that he actually started to like this job. He joined the industry because when his mother died, she was training to become a singer. He wanted to follow her dreams in her place. If she hadn't died, she would already have achieved her goals, and Jimin wouldn't have to join the industry. Do you think he would still have become a singer?"

I stay silent, contemplating this. I've always assumed that Jimin joined BTS because he loved what he did. Why else would you commit yourself to a particular career forever?

"This is why we didn't kick Yoongi out of the group either, even though most of us don't like him," Taehyung starts to explain. "Because without him, we are nothing. We would have to give up the entire group if he isn't in, and some of us actually don't want to risk that."

There is a moment of silence as Taehyung's words settle. It does make me feel slightly better about myself, but still, Park Jimin hates me.

As if reading my mind, Taehyung speaks again, "We have a concert later at Arirang TV. It's part of a Christmas special. You can come if you want, it's like a free-for-all thing. You get a chance to see Jimin too."

"It's not like he wants to see me, anyways," I mutter.

"Oh, come on," Taehyung scoffs. "He was literally begging for you to stay yesterday."

"He was drunk."

"Drunk people say the truest words," Taehyung debates. I sigh in defeat.

"Just come, alright?" Taehyung gets up from the sofa and extends a hand towards me. "There's really good music, too. Eric Nam will be there!"

"Who's Eric Nam?" I question blankly, but take his hand anyways, allowing him to pull me up from the couch.

***

We arrive at our destination at noon, with one hour to spare before the pre-recording begins at one o' clock. BTS are going to perform their title track, 'Run', as well as give some Christmas wishes to their fans, who have already crowded the audience stands.

Taehyung brings me backstage, where he plans to accompany me before the recording.

"Minrae, you're here!" Hoseok delightedly greets me the moment I enter the waiting room designated for BTS.

"Take care of her, alright?" Taehyung hands me to Hoseok, "I'll come back for her once I'm done with my makeup."

"Alright," Hoseok happily agrees, grinning at his fellow band-mate.

"Where are all the others?" I ask him.

"Namjoon and Jin are in the washroom doing who-knows-what," Hoseok shudders as he makes a sound of disgust, "Jimin and Jungkook are changing and Yoongi is doing his makeup."

Yoongi. Surprisingly, I don't find myself thinking about him as much as I thought I would. In fact, his name hasn't even crossed my mind ever since the night of BTS's performance at Music Bank.

As if on cue, Yoongi suddenly enters the room, stopping in his footsteps when he sees me in the room with Hoseok. We make eye contact for a while, before he breaks the awkwardness with a small smile. "Minrae," he greets me.

I smile back politely. "Hey. I'm here to invade y'all again."

"It's fine," he grins, walking towards me and stopping a safe distance from me, his smile fading to a serious expression. "Look, I'm sorry about previously. I don't know what got into me. I don't expect you to forgive me, but can we at least stay friends?"

I widen my eyes at his words, surprised that Min Yoongi would actually make such a request out loud. This makes me grin even wider though, and I nod my head. "Of course."

Yoongi breaks into a full-out smile, opening his mouth to say something more, but Jungkook and Jimin's arrival cuts him off before any words come out.

"Has anyone seen my-" Jimin starts to ask, but stops himself when he takes in the sight of me and Yoongi smiling at each other, with Hoseok silently judging in the background.

Instantly, Jimin's smile contorts to a look of extreme cold. Face expressionless, he starts to leave the room, shoving past the green-haired rapper and out of the door.

My heart wrenches as I watch him pass me wordlessly, hardly sparing me a glance. I feel tears prick my eyes. 

Heck, I don't think I've ever felt this bad.

"Jimin-hyung, where are you going?" Jungkook calls after him, but Jimin doesn't reply, either not hearing his words, or choosing to ignore him.

Park Jimin, you really hate me, don't you?

+

bonus update hoho since I have no school today :"3 i'll update once more on friday, and then end off the whole book on sunday yas :>

i hope y'all enjoyed, and do remember to vote and comment! xo

AND OMG BLACKPINK'S NEW MUSIC VIDEOS ARE FRICKING LIT. I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THEIR DEBUT AND NOW THEY FINALLY HAVE OMG YUS

:hoseokieomo