Heliophilia (sweeran adapted)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Time is something Ive always found to be fluid, not dependable and always fleeting. In retrospect of my life, 17 years isn't all that long, but it's a lot longer than 4 weeks. Yet over the past few days I've come to realise some bits of time is worth more than some others. Years wasted binge drinking with Mac and friends who didn't really know me was worthless in comparison to a week with Ed, just him and me. He wasn't what you expected; his secretive disposition always leading people astray. He was actually adorable when he talked about things he was passionate about and he didnt have time for anything he wasn't interested in. He knew that life was too short for small talk and formalities and social rules, he defied them to squeeze the last bit of enjoyment out of life. He doesn't need to talk all the time, a silence with him is just as good as a conversation with a thousand words. He's not a violent person by nature, never raising his voice and his temperament was the most patient I've ever known. He is beautiful without knowing, the kind of beautiful you feel walking home under streetlights at night or when you laugh bubbled out of you when you're crying. He is beautiful inside too, his mind and his thoughts should be put in museums for people to see. He was perfect, we fit together so well that I could feel it in my chest we were special; and that's why I can't be with him.
Nothing in my life has ever been 'perfect'. That was never on the cards for me, everything had to be either compromised or been tainted by the harsh reality of where I fit on the social ladder. I didn't deserve nice things, fairytale love was bound to be snatched from my reach the second I fall in love because that's how it's always been. It was no different for my friends, my parents; everyone who was in my life was the same. Ed was someone I was graced with by accident, our paths crossed because of spontaneous decisions and bad choices, even though in my back of my mind I'd like to think it was fate. But I can't think that was because there's no such thing as fate and true love and happily ever after, so I decided I can't fall in love with him. I can't let myself fall because the second he catches me something will happen to mess it up and once I get a glimpse of what being in love with him is like, the rest of my life will be a disappointment.
"You okay?" He asks as she takes my hand as we drive along the wide, open road.
"Hmm, just thinking" I respond but I slip my hand out of his. I wanted to hold his hand, it was soft and butterflies went crazy in my stomach when he did but red lights went off my head, my mind screaming at me to protect my heart.
As I look out the window I feel his eyes dancing on my skin before he speaks.
"Do you know how beautiful you actually are Taylor?" He asks with sincerity and it takes me a second to regain myself as my heart fluters.
"You should, people like you deserve to know" he continues as his eyes find the barren road again. "Ill make sure you do" he finished quietly and I don't know how to respond, so I don't. We drive in silence for what seems like hours until a huge cluster of trees comes into our view, but instead of driving right by them he takes a sharp turn into them.
"Edward what are you doing?!" I scream as he keeps up his speed going through the trees until he comes to a sudden stop. I try to catch my breath as he chuckles beside me.
"That wasn't funny Edward" I snap and get out of the car, irritated at the fact my heart swelled when I heard his little chuckle.
"Baby, look, I'm sorry" he says jogging in front of me. I cross my hands over my front and mask my face with a scowl and I see confusion taking place on his face.
"What's wrong?" He asks quietly and I can't get over how cute he looks.
"We've got a job to do Ed. Get to El Paso with the papers, not mess around in forests" I reply and I see him trying to make sense of everything.
"Did I do something wrong? I thought-I thought you..liked me" he mumbled the last bit and looked down at the ground. This wasn't the same Ed that shot his brother in the arm and races cars, this is the Ed who can't read and walks me back to my room because its dark. His many layers are contrastable but so endearing.
"I can't like you, okay? Just..just except it" I say before looking at him. He's got a hurt expression on his face, looking at me like I just kicked his puppy.
"We can be friends I suppose" I finish and I see him visibly swallowing a lump in his throat. "Well we're staying in the forest tonight, the tank is overheating in the engine so we need to rest" he mumbles before turning to the car and getting our stuff out of the trunk of the boot.
He throws them on his back before making his way over to me. He goes to hold my hand but I flinch back.
"Friends can hold hands Taylor" he says softly and I can't help but cave in when his eyes are looking at me like that. When he laces our fingers together my tummy flips and I internally groan at my involuntary actions. We walk for what feels like hours under the blistering sun until I hear the pitter-patter of water. He leads us through one last cluster of bushes until we come to the mouth of a waterfall, crashing down into a small lake below.
"How did you even know this was here?" I ask baffled as he puts the bags down on the dry ground not far from the lake.
"It was on the map" he smirks and I feel quiet stupid that I didn't think of that since we spent all morning hunched over the hood of the car with the map spread out on it, trying to find a short cut.
I stare at the waterfall in front of me, how pretty it is and how this is the first time I've ever seen one. I look over at Ed to see him shirtless and pulling off his pants. Before I let myself get distracted I cover my eyes and look away.
"Ed what are you doing?" I ask and I hear his shuffle about behind me.
"Im getting into the water, and so are you" he says and I feel his body heat radiating from behind me.
"You've got thirty seconds, or I throw you in" he whispers in my ear and I shiver, his voice was husky but delicate. It registered in my mind that he was actually going to throw me in if I didn't act quickly, but suddenly I was conscious of his gaze.
"Don't look" I say but I don't feel his body heats absence.
"Why? It's not like we've not done this before" he whispers before he places a little feather kiss on my shoulder.
"No Ed" I say as I turn around to stare into his green eyes.
"Friends" I say warningly but he doesn't seem phased at all. "Now turn around" I say and I see him smirk before he spins around but I can't help but let my eyes trail down his back, how his red hair shines in a hypnotising way. Down his amazing ass that looks so good in the jeans he was weari-
I snapped myself out of it and turned around, peeling my top off myself before unbuttoning my shorts and pulling them down, but all the while I felt eyes boring holes into my back. I turn around slowly to see him looking over his shoulder at me, but not with a lustful gaze; it was full of adoration, as if he's screaming "you're beautiful" with his eyes and for once, I don't intervene. I give him a small smile and nervously tuck a lock of hair behind my ear as he starts to turn around. Yet I can't help myself but getting nervous about how special the moment feels, and when he starts to get closer and closer to him I panic and do the first thing I think of; I push him into the water.
He resurfaces after a while, spitting water out and his hair wet before screaming "get yourself in here now little lady" he sasses and I let out a little laugh.
"You ready?!" I scream before taking a run up to edge before throwing myself into it. I swim to the surface to see Ed drenched in water trying to get the messy hair out of his face.
"You look like a drowned kitten" I laugh out as he splashes me. I splash him back before going under the water quickly. I feel him splash under with me, his body suddenly close to mine. I open my eyes and I can see a fuzzy outline of him, his frame inches from mine. My lungs scream for air and we both come to the surface of the water, still extremely close. We're both trying to catch our breath as he moves closer to me, his nose brushing mine and I feel hishands on my hips. My breath hitches and I can feel his hot breath on my lips. After what seemed like hours of just staring into his eyes she speaks.
"Why are you fighting this Taylor?" He whispers and I can feel myself caving in, my walls collapsing as he delicately rubs my bare thighs. But he deserved better, so I lightly pushed him away, swallowed the lump in my throat and swam to the edge of my lake.
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Darkness set in but we were still drenched from the water. Ed set up a fire and we tried our best to cook dinner and warm up, all in silence. I caught him staring at me multiple times, but I always looked away. He was back at the car while I lay on my back, staring up at the stars. I always found it sad how ill never see everyone of them, how they all deserve to be admired. I heard Ed come back but I didn't move until I felt his body lie down beside mine. I kept my eyes trained on the stars and try to stop wondering what he's thinking, I try to stop focusing on his eyes boring into the side of my face and the butterflies I get from having him so close. Suddenly I feel a light touch on my pinky finger, and I look down to see his smallest finger entwining with mine. Against my better judgement I move my head to look at his face and I was a little shocked to see how close we really were.
"Were you looking at the stars?" He asks quietly and I nod, not trusting my voice. He shuffles a little closer, our noses touching and I can see the sparks of colour in his eyes. The light from the fire illuminated his face in such a pretty way, I wanted to take the moment and put it in a jar and hide it away somewhere specially for a rainy day. He really was beautiful, the beautiful that you can't even try being. It's a kind of subconscious beauty, he doesn't try yet here I am, my breath hitching as I stare into his eyes.
"Do you want them?" He asks again and my face etched with confusion.
"Ill get them for you, ill sweep the sky, catch everyone of them and tuck them in your pillow while you sleep" he whispers and as he talks I can feel his breath on my face, softly tickling my skin.
"You worth every last one" he says finally. I can see his eyes flicker down to my lips and back up to my eyes and I can see where this is going. He slowly leans in and gives me the softest kiss possible and the butterflies in my stomach go crazy, I missed his lips so much. It ached to have to push him away so much, to constantly build walls up for him to keep knocking down. He leans in closer, his hands finding my hips as I kiss him back. My hands go to his hair as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and my skin burned where he touched me. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip and that's the wake up call I needed. I quickly pull back and get up as if someone scolded me. I plod over to the other side of the fire and I sit down and I see him sitting up, running his hand through his hair looking dazed out.
"Is-is it me?" He asks after a silence sunk into the air and I open my mouth to speak but I can't find the right words to say.
"Because I can-I don't know..I can change. If that's what you want" he mumbles and I try to swallow the lump in my throat.
"It's not you Ed" I say quietly "can't you just let it go?" I inquire and I see his shift so he's staring right at me over the fire, his eyes alight with the flames.
"Why Taylor? I don't want to, I want us, a lot. It's all I think about lately and how perfect we'd be, but you keep pushing me away" he says to me and I look away from her gaze.
"You deserve better" I mumble before lying down with my back to him. Silence filled my ears apart from the crackle of the fire and I hear footsteps until I feel him lie down beside me, his body holding mine making me feel safer than I've ever felt before in my life.
"I deserve you" he whispers into my neck and don't respond as he wraps his arms around my waist. I pretend to be asleep so I don't have to push him off me, but we both know I was awake, and I was falling harder by every heartbeat.