Let Me Keep You Safe - 5SOS boyxboy

Chapter Seventeen

** Five Months Later **

"Michael? Michael, honey, wake up," a voice calls.

Michael blinks groggily and begins rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He recognizes the voice as his mother's and he slowly drags himself out of bed and walks to the kitchen.

She is making pancakes, or trying at least. They already smell burnt, and Michael lets a smile find his lips.

"There you are," she says. "You have to go meet with Dr. Raley in less than half an hour."

Michael rolls his eyes. He hates going to the doctor. It makes him feel even crazier than he already does.

His mom sets a plate of burnt pancakes down in front of him and he grimaces as he takes a bite and swallows the disgusting substance. He takes a few more bites to make her happy before quickly getting up from the counter and going back to his room to change out of yesterday's clothes.

These days it takes all he has just to shower and get dressed. His mom has been staying with him for the past few months because she knew that he wasn't right. He needed her, so she came.

Once he's dressed, he kisses his mom lightly on the cheek before walking out the door and downstairs to the parking lot. He gets on his motorcycle and speedily makes his way downtown to the doctor's office. He doesn't want to go, but he knows that it makes his mom feel more at ease.

He pushes the kick stand out and makes his way into the fancy building where his doctor works. From the outside, you wouldn't even know that it's a psychiatrist's office. It just looks like any other building.

The receptionist greets him just like she always does, but he just grunts in response and walks directly back to Dr. Raley's office. He knocks once before letting himself in.

Dr. Raley is sitting in his usual chair and he smiles at Michael as he comes in.

"It's good to see you, Michael," he says cordially.

Michael grunts. That's basically his response to everything nowadays.

Dr. Raley picks up the clipboard with Michael's information on it and glances through it quickly. "So last time that you were here, we placed you on a new sleep medication because you were struggling with insomnia. How's that going? Any weird side effects or worrisome symptoms?"

Michael shakes his head. "I don't think so."

Dr. Raley nods. He knows by this point that he's lucky if he's able to get more than three words out of Michael per session, so he doesn't push his luck.

"Okay, and what about the Zoloft? Do you think it's helping to combat your depression?"

Michael shrugs in response.

The doctor sighs. "Michael, I'm trying to help you but I need to know if the medicine is working or not."

Michael clenches his fists as he struggles to keep tears from falling. "Nothing helps," he mumbles. "All I ever feel is numbness."

Dr. Raley doesn't seem phased by this answer. Instead he stands up and walks over to where Michael is sitting on the couch near the corner of the room. He places a reassuring hand on Michael's knee before speaking.

"I know that Calum meant a lot to you," he says softly. "And I know that it must be hard to be here without him."

Michael stays silent, the tears that he was trying so hard to contain now flowing freely at the mention of his name.

"But he would want you to get better. He wouldn't want you to go on living the way that you are, Michael," the doctor says.

Michael laughs humorlessly. "Yeah but no bottle of pills is going to help me get better."

Dr. Raley sighs. "Michael, you were having extreme hallucinations. You pretended that Calum was still with us for nearly two weeks after his death."

Michael shutters as he recalls the extremely vivid memories of him and Calum during the those two weeks. Calum had seemed so real. Michael was able to touch him and kiss him and smell him. But it was all just his imagination. Calum had never actually woken up after Michael found him lifeless in the bathroom. Michael just refused to let him go.

"So does that mean I'm crazy? Just because I don't want to let go of the man I love?" Michael asks harshly.

The doctor shakes his head. "Of course not. Grief manifests itself in different ways for different people. But you can't live your life stuck in the past. Eventually you have to move on and let him go."

Michael nods. He's heard this speech before, but he knows that he'll never be ready to let go of Calum. Michael decides it's best just to stay silent for the rest of the appointment. He lets the doctor talk to him about different medications that they can try, and eventually he's allowed to leave.

He doesn't waste any time getting out of that building and back onto his motorcycle. Instead of turning to go home, though, he goes the opposite direction. He has something he has to do before he goes home.

He parks his motorcycle outside of the small cemetery. His hands are shaking nervously since this is the first time that he's ever been out here. He missed the funeral due to his mental state, so he never really got to say goodbye.

He walks over to the plot number that Calum's mother had told him and sinks down to sit beside the slab of stone. He runs his fingers over the name, tears filling his eyes again.

"Happy one year anniversary, babe," he whispers.