Letters I will never send...

Entry 3

Dear Austin,
Wow, I have been so upset and mad at you for so long... I don't even know what to say right now... You hurt me. You hurt me ALOT. I've been hurt before, many many many times, but you left a very deep wound. Maybe it was the caring words. The promises. The way you made forget I was broken, but you only broke me more. You came into my life when I was at a very very low point and even though you didn't know how low I was, you tried to help me. I had lost all my friends, everyone that said they loved me and wanted to still be close after I moved, they left. I am not good at socializing and was having so much trouble making new friends and then you came along. You swept me right under your wing. People said that you were no good. That I should stay away. That you only wanted to date me and then dump me. But I thought you were just misunderstood. My dad always says that I look beneath the surface and I thought I was. I was just so happy that I had a true friend. A friend that encouraged me. A friend that was willing to talk to me whenever. A friend that told me I was beautiful even though I never believed it. But it was all a lie. You never wanted to be my friend. You never cared. You only saw a helpless little girl who was so lonely and broken she would believe the first bit of caring any guy gave her. When I told you I wasn't interested in dating, you seemed so understanding. I should've known. You just left. You said we were best friends. That you were nothing like the others. That you would never leave me. That you would always be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on (even if you had to pick me up cause I couldn't reach your shoulder), but you were the one that left me crying. You said it was ok that I didn't want to date and that you hoped we could still be friends, that made me so happy and I wanted to just hug you. But then the good morning texts got fewer and fewer, you stopped answering my messages, and you even stopped showing up for events and hangouts with our "friends," I thought it was all my fault. I missed you. I still miss you. But I miss the you that you were, even if it was all fake and you never rally cared. I miss being cared for. I miss someone listening and not telling me it's stupid or I'm overreacting. I miss being able to text you whenever even at 2 am and not worrying about being a bother because you said that I could never bother you and that you were up anyways. I miss being "your little country girl" even if the hoedown totally sucked. I miss the times we had, but I'm glad they're over or else I wouldn't have found out who you really are. So I'm done missing you. Have a nice life.
-- Luna
(Honestly I cried writing this)