Losing Control

Chapter Eleven

Harrisons hands were roaming around my body underneath my t-shirt and it felt like heaven. I moaned and shifted slightly so I could kiss him better. His lips were soft as we tasted each other, hungry for more.
My pants felt uncomfortable and tight as heat spread throughout my entire body. I knew he was feeling the same. I could feel him against me and I never wanted this moment to end.
Which is why I was so pissed off with myself when I broke away from him, panting hard. His hands had travelled down to the hem of my t-shirt, tugging to lift it up. I shook my head as he looked at me in confusion.

"We... we can't. We can't go any further."

My voice was panicked, on edge and didn't sound like me at all. It was freaking me out. My emotions were all over the place and I didn't want to feel like this. I didn't want to feel anything. His face softened now and he tenderly reached out, running his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. I just.... I got a bit carried away. You're dreamy."

I bit my lip, trying really hard not to smile again at his compliment. I was mortified that he had seen me laugh before. It was my first genuine laugh in years and it shocked me as much as him. He groaned as he sat back on the sofa, pulling away from me.

"It doesn't help when you sit there biting your lip Noah. Maybe if you didn't want me to devour you then you shouldn't look like that."

I really did smile now at yet another compliment. My heart felt lighter than it had in years.

"Works both ways White."

He looked somewhat amazed that I had sort of complimented him back, but it was true. I really did think he was something else. His eyes were sparkly and his hair was perfectly quiffed. He had a smile that could turn even the coldest hearts and his skin was pale white. His arms were amazing and even though I wanted to see the rest of his body to see if he lived up to his sexiness, I knew I would never be able to. I had to back out now before it was too late.

He leant forward to grab our Pizza boxes again and passed me mine. He smiled kindly.

"Let's take a break huh? Maybe if we eat.... We won't be thinking about .... That."

I scoffed.

"It will take more than food to get that thought out of my head."

I sounded grumpy as I bit into my pizza. I was hungry, and as I had already told myself, I couldn't go any further with Harrison. I might as well distract myself with eating.

He was watching me as he ate his food. I tried not to let it bother me, but it definitely made me conscious of how I looked to him. I didn't want to come across as an animal. Or maybe I did. Did I really care so much what he thought of me? I knew I did, but I tried to protest as my mind argued back and forth with itself. If he could read my mind, he would think I was bat shit crazy.

"You know..... I want to talk seriously for a minute. Without you getting all grumpy and offended. You think you can manage that?"

I shrugged. It all depended on what he was going to say. I couldn't make any promises. He rolled his eyes at my shrug, but carried on talking anyway.

"Well the thing is Noah..... what we were doing isn't wrong. I know I just said I wasn't going to push you, and I'm not. I would never do that. But I feel like I have been waiting for this moment for years. Of course.... You never had a clue who I was, but I have thought about you every single day since you went down. I know you. I know everything about you. And if we were to go further.... I'm just saying, it wouldn't be a bad thing. It's not something to be ashamed of. We are just two guys who really, really want each other."