Ms. Believer [On Hold]

25. Voices and boyfriends

This chapter is dedicated to 'directioner4life7628'

Thank you for the support ♥

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"I can't believe it!" Cara covered her mouth, her blue eyes looked way bigger and it looked like she had seen some ghost, "Kendall what the fuck? I'm so confused, I never thought you would do that with Harry"

I laughed at her words, it was a nervous laugh though, I'm nervous, as nervous as I was last night, "I know right? I'm as confused as you" I admitted feeling kind of guilty. It wasn't like he really took my virginity but still, I don't know if what he asked was real or not. What if he just said that so he could get easier to me.

Cara sighed and rubbed my knee, she got up and fixed her hair "I have to go, I'm going out on a date with Niall, but we will talk as soon as I get back, okay?" she asked as if she was my mother, well basically she takes care of me more than anyone else does. Thank God for putting Cara into my life.

A few minutes passed by since Cara left, I'm laying down on my bedroom floor doing nothing, just texting Zayn, he says that he is helping Gemma to find Harry a present for his birthday, I felt uncomfortable when he mentioned Harry's name, I tried to change the subject but he kept talking about him, he even asked me what I will get for him, I just said that I didn't know. You for sure know. Shut up.

See, this is the only thing I don't like about London, it's cold and I can't get a tan. In California it's just a bit cold, actually you can even swim.

I got up from the floor and walked into the closet, let's clean this up. I started off by the dresses. I love clothes and any other thing about fashion, I'm just not really good at make up, actually I'm a mess when it comes to make up.

In the middle of the huge room that is just part of the closet was a small sofa, I threw around nine dresses that wouldn't fit me anymore to donate them to charity. I moved to were the jackets, sweaters and coats were hanging, I picked a coat that was familiar to me, this isn't mine, I've seen it before but it's not mine.

It is a really soft color like sand and the collar of the coat is red, I looked at the tag; Givenchy. I know whose coat is this. My mother's favorite coat.

I hugged the coat to my chest and inhaled the scent, it still smells like her perfume, taking a few steps back I sat down on the sofa on top of the dresses as I kept caressing the familiar coat and hugging it as if she was there. I know she isn't there though, she will never be here.

"I miss you so much, honey" Please no. Not again, not again.

Once I heard the voice I instantly threw the coat away, I don't want it near me. I don't want to have an attack again, my father will make me go to the psychiatrist.

"Go away" I whispered as I closed my eyes praying for that voice to leave my head, it keeps repeating that she misses me and that she wants me with her, I for sure know that it's my mother, "Please go away, go away" I said covering my ears to make it stop.

I counted to three and opened my eyes again, I took a deep breath before getting on my feet and picking the coat up from the floor to put it with the dresses, I don't want it.

"Kendall?" I heard a low deep voice calling my name, "Ken?"

I tried to calm down before answering "In the closet" I said as I kept looking through my clothes.

Please don't talk to me again mother. I'm happier now, I can finally talk about you without crying.

"Hey, Liam said you were here" Harry's voice filled the room as as I kept taking deep breaths trying to calm down a bit.