My Hilarious Jokes

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Joke #1:

There was this one boy who was on someone's doorstep on his tiptoes trying to reach the doorbell. A man sees the boy struggling and goes up to the boy.

"Would you like me to ring the doorbell for you?" asked the man

"Yes please," the boy replied.

The man reached up and rang the doorbell and smiled at the boy. "Now what?" he asked.

"I don't know about you sir," said the boy, "but I'm gonna run like heck!"

Joke #2:

So there was this third grade teacher who was trying to get her students enthusiastic about the picture day.

"Remember to bring $5 and wear a nice outfit. In future years, you'll love looking at these pictures. You'll be able to say, "Hey! That's Jessica! She became a nurse!" or That's Robbie! He became a movie star!"

A student from the back of the class pitched in.

"And that's the teacher! She's dead!"

Joke #3:

A mother was sitting with her 6-month-old child on a train. A man across from them sat and stared at the child and finally said, "Man, that is one UGLY baby!'

Extremely upset, the women cried, "How could you say that?!? That is very horrible! You should be put in jail for saying something like that!"

A security guard came to the scene and asked the woman, "What's the problem?"

Weeping and gasping for breath, the woman replied, "That man...so horrible....!

"Calm down, said the guard, "everything is going to be fine. The man is gone and there is no need to be worried. Relax. Would you like a glass of water?"

"Yes thank you," replied the woman.

"Sure thing," said the guard, "And you know what? I'll even bring a banana for your monkey."