Letting Go

Chapter 10

- Gab -

Oh god... Thank God he didn't break my car! Chaz actually fixed it. I have to be honest, he wasn't that bad. He's kind of a fun guy, I guess. I actually enjoyed his company awhile ago. Although, I still hate him. I don't know why but I just do!

I walked inside my room only to find scattered things and papers inside my room. Talyah didn't put back the stuff inside my Box Of Memories thingy. Such a mess she made. I shook my head and scanned my room. Pictures, papers and other stuff were every where! I sighed as I saw the pictures again. I wonder what he looks like now... Does he still have blonde hair? Do you think his blue eyes still look happy? Does he still have that cute little smile?

And those letters... Does he still enjoy writting by pen and paper instead of typing it in? Does he still have the same penmanship? Does he still prefer using black ink instead of blue? I sighed. I don't even know anything about him anymore.

I don't know him anymore and I guess I never did. He's a man now... Not just a stupid highschool jerk I met. I haven't seen or heard of him since, wel.. Two years ago after we broke up. Believe it or not, I'm still not over him. Seems like there will always be some part of me that won't let go of our memories. I wonder how he is now...

" Xavier... I miss you so much you little jerk!!" I yelled and thew the things on the floor. Tears came running down my face. I can't believe I said his name. I sat down on the floor. " You don't know how much those things affected my life!!" I yelled and threw the first thing my hand would touch. I broke my flower vase and some picture frames, I guess.

" Do you hear me!?! I loved you so much it hurts to let you go!" I yelled at his picture. In this picture he was smiling broadly while his hands were wrapped around my shoulders. I looked happy as well. I wonder if I would look the same if he stayed... Would I still end up like this if he stayed? Would I be able to move on if he was still here? Would he be at least my friend?

I felt like an idiot while cursing him through his pictures. I picked up one of his letters. I wanted to tear them apart and burn them to ashes! My hands couldn't handle it properly as if it wasn't ready to move or tear this paper up. I only managed to crumple it... And it wasn't enough. " I freakin' loved you, Xavier!!" I screamed. Screaming wasn't enough. Throwing things wasn't enough. Cursing him wasn't enough. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt. I want him to feel my sorrow. But I didn't know how I would...

Someone hugged me from behind. It was a guys for sure... I recognize his scent... So masculine. Mixed up feelings built up inside me. I didn't know if I should push him away or let him hug me. I wan't even sure on who he was. But I liked the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. It was very comforting.

" It's okay... It'll be okay..." He continued whispering soothing words to my ear. He tightened his hug and I was starting to love the feeling of his warmth. I never felt this way. This feeling seems so foreign. Not foreign, actually... It's like, I've felt this kind of feeling since a very long time ago.

" It's not okay! It will never be... I won't be okay unless he comes back to me!" I yelled as fresh new tears came running down my face. "Shh... Just let it all out... I'm here to listen." He continue to hold me. I faced him and started pushing him away. My vision was blurry because of my tears. I could recognize his voice though.

It was Chaz.

" You won't understand!! I bet you're just like him!" I yelled as I kept on banging on his chest but he held my hands. "Stop crying... I'm here for you. Shh..." Chaz said softly and wiped my tears. I looked at him straight through his eyes. And then it hit me. His eyes proved that he wasn't lying, that all those words were sincere and he meant all of it. I rested my head on his chest.