How Much Is Redemption

Chapter 4

"No," Bonnie responded stubbornly, ignoring his notice, remembering what he'd been searching for when she walked in. "You're hungry and newly turned vampires typically struggle with controlling their bloodlust." She squatted, picking up a piece of glass from one of the broken lamps, inhaling slightly to work up a little courage, and stood again. She'd never been the type for having vampires feed on her—and was the last to volunteer—but somehow, where Kai was concerned, it seemed fitting as she'd accidentally slotted him into a similarly brutal situation. Also she wasn't thrilled at the prospect of him running off to contribute to his overloaded body count. She wanted no one else to get hurt tonight.

Like a man in a dream, Kai watched her pick up a shard of glass from the debris on the floor. He could see the struggle on her face, all plain and vivid – imagining the pain and coaxing herself to do this. It split his attitude in two: the anticipation of her scent hitting him with new force made his mouth water but it also made him nauseous. What was it, the last test? To contribute to the monster image? Or she actually had a plan to end him by luring into a trap she was sure he wouldn't escape?

"If you're going to be feeding from anyone," Bonnie said resolutely, running the piece of glass across the smooth untouched flesh between neck and shoulder, "it's going to be me." She observed him gape at her, looking shaken to the core by the blood and, at the same, time like a lethal animal fighting the urge to pounce its prey.

His breath catching, Kai couldn't resist looking at the gash, at the blood welling up and trickling teasingly over her collarbone and down her cleavage, soaking the blouse. The itching in his gums became unbearable, his lips pulling back in a half snarl of hunger and dismay. The room around him swayed as if in a slow dance while he found himself transfixed. Her pulse invaded his head, beat in his temples, her blood flushed in his ears, calling out to him, pulling – as though she had a leash around his neck and tugged at it. A cramp gripped his solar plexus, making him wince, and actually jerking him awake from the trance. He staggered back, tearing his eyes from the wound to glare at her. "What the hell do you want from me?" he screamed, fury sizzling in his veins like ignited gunpowder. "You want me to kill you? Or you want another proof of what a rabid beast I am?"

'Neither', she opened her mouth to say, but within an instant, he was on her, and her back hit the wall as Kai pinned her to it, his hand wrapped around her throat. Her hands automatically clutched on his wrist, fingers digging. Her eyes were wide with surprise and fright. Her nerves dispersed temporarily, and fear yet again wormed its way into her belly like an unwelcome acquaintance.

Hunger wrenched Kai's innards, but he paid it no mind. "I'm not your typical vampire, Bonbon," he uttered in a deceptively soothing tone, their faces so close to each other their breaths mingled. "I'm nothing typical, if you think about it. But you can still get what you want. You wanna die?" He gave a small, mad-hatter chuckle. "Need I remind you what that would mean with my blood in your system? Ah, Bon. You might make such a hot vampire... Oh, and what if that was my plan all along..."

Terror rushed in on Bonnie like tempered water, threatening to drown her, drawing a muffled sob from her lips, a sound she hardly recognized.

Kai donned a mock amiable expression, taking in how fear broke the barriers and whooshed into her, making her pulse race and her pupils dilate. "Because what would be the worst thing to happen to a witch if not losing her powers in favor of becoming a supernatural parasite... right?"

"If you were that hard up for my blood you'd have tasted it by now," Bonnie responded before she could think to tapper down the anxiety and anger vying through her, her eyes meeting his resentfully. "You're trying to scare me." She removed the bloodied hand she'd used to cut herself, hoping to prove a point as she brought it against his cheek, cupping it with deceptive tenderness befitting of a lover.

Kai felt a thrill run through him at her touch, and at the same time, his wrath that had been boiling and steaming started to grow cold, allowing calculation. He searched her face and read pretense in big, bold letters. And hated himself for yearning she meant it.

"You're trying to push me away so you don't rip my throat. I may not know you as well as you know me. But I do know one thing... and that is that you're a remarkable liar," she stated, surprised her voice wasn't shaking and that she sounded far calmer than she felt on the inside. "I fell for it once," she removed the restraining hand from his wrist, allowing him the chance to snap her neck if he wanted, instead taking a hold of his suit's jacket in attempt to draw him closer. "I'm not falling for it again."

Kai looked at her with a surprised adoration, a subtle smile playing over his mouth. "Oh, look at all that open-hearted trust! I'm awestruck here, Bons. Except..." He slowly leaned in to her ear – the aroma of her blood almost unbearably tempting and eliciting another bout of hunger to bite him on the inside – and whispered, "you're a little too late to grant it." As slowly, he pulled away to his previous position to read her face hovering so close to his. There was some unspoken conversation flowing between them like a current. And he sensed her fear swell a little more. "Had you gifted me with that trust when I needed it so damn much – it'd all be different. But now, Bon – now..." He trailed off as though there was suddenly something important to contemplate. "You know, I'd think I'd be exploding by now with all the frustration and hatred – oh, you really made me mad with hate and rage... I wasn't sure which it was most. But now... it's like you reached out and switched it off in me. There's... nothing." He gave a short amazed laugh and looked at her as if dumbstruck. "I think you finally finished him – that Kai who nearly died on your birthday while trying to help you, the Kai I became before you dumped me in that hellhole with Lily's heretics. And that means, little Bonster, you're in real trouble." He was smiling again, whereas she looked more worried by the second. It was good. The balm he sought to ease his soreness. "I can turn you any time – unless you end me first, of course – I've never dismissed how tough you are." He laughed softly. "I always believed in you, Bon, unlike you in me. Anywho... I think there is a sharper edge to vengeance when I can just let you live and continue to kill in your name." He looked at her ingratiatingly, assuming the same kind of tone to accompany it. "Every person I feed on from here on will die because of your choice to deny me the chance I asked for when I did. And there's no lie in it, either: I truly wouldn't be here right now the way I am if not for the choices and decisions you made. I could even do better and bind each of my victims to you and you would feel every death, up close and personal. Oh no, not physical pain – I believe you've had enough of that to last you for eternity. But we both know physical pain is not the worst kind." He unwrapped his fingers from her neck and took his hand away, holding her eyes with his and smiling a little.

A groan reached them and a few glass shards shifted against the dusty wooden boards. Damon started to come to his senses.

Bonnie's head snapped to the sound, and when she looked back, Kai wasn't there, anymore. Only a faint gust of wind kissed her face in the wake of his departure. 

//

Kai stood at the red Jeep, peeking into the trunk through the window that needed washing for a week or two. Jo's face seemed so beautiful and peaceful through the blue of the gauze veil Alaric covered her with. Like the Sleeping Beauty. Only her sleep was eternal and would certainly begin to ruin her beauty in a few days. A small pang, like a drowning swimmer too weak to fight the current any longer, made itself known with a last splash in Kai's chest, then gave up and went down under.

There was a grunt; a heartbeat picked up a notch.

Kai walked along the side of the Jeep and squatted beside Alaric's sprawled form. His useless handgun lay a couple of feet away, glistening in the electric decorative lights, as if taunting. He wasn't fully awake yet, and Kai didn't need him to be. He leaned over his never-to-be brother-in-law. "God, you're a bit slow today, buddy. I didn't even hit you that hard... But whatever. We might still have a score to settle there, Ric. When you're ready, you know where I'll be. I believe you'll find me. Find me, Ric. Jo's waiting for you. Don't make her wait too long." He got up and ghosted away into the night that grew deafeningly quiet.