The Modern Mrs. Claus

Did you know that there are approximately 2 billion children in the world, and about half are in poverty?

When I heard this, I decided to take action, so on December 31st 2011, I did.

“I have an idea,” I announced as I walked into my house, “Oh god, what now?” my boyfriend, Jonah asked, “donating one thousand clothes to the salvation army? Baking bread for the homeless?”

“Silly!” I punched him in the arm; “I’ve done those already!”

He groaned, “What then?”

I strode into the kitchen and grabbed a soda out of the fridge, “Did you know that there are two billion kids in the world?”

“Oh no, I see where this is heading,” Jonah groaned, grabbing the soda out of my hand and taking a swig, I kissed him on the forehead, “I bet you don’t!” I said teasingly.

“I bet I do!” Jonah countered, I laughed and moved towards the printer, grabbing some paper, I turned to him, “I’m writing Sheila,”

“That’s what your doing? I thought it would be some huge thing I would have to get all worked up about!” He muttered.

“Oh you will, I’m just telling Sheila first!” I smiled.

“You’re telling your daughter from another father before your handsome, amazing boyfriend?” He asked, batting his eyelashes.

I shook my head, amazed at his craziness, “fine, fine, but find a chair, because I don’t think you’ll like this at first,”

He made an ‘uh oh’ face. I laughed, then said, “I bought a factory!”

Jonah made a guppy face, “your crazy.” He mumbled, “No, I’m not! Listen dimwit, I’m just helping Santa out okay? I’m giving him the task to give out presents to half of the world’s population of kids; I’m doing the other half! The poverty half! The half that he probably can’t get too!” I finished, out of breath. Jonah stared at me, “are you saying, are you possibly saying, that your going to buy one billion toys and then donate them to those one billion kids?”

“One billion, more or less.” I smiled, “besides, we’re not going to buy them all! We’re going to get donations!”

Jonah looked at me as if I was crazy, “since I’m going to New York next week, I’m going to promote it there too!”

“Diana-“ He started, “no! No no! Let me finish!” I cut him off, “I’m going to promote it using Sheila’s school! I can see it now, newspapers asking my name, asking why I do this, headlines screaming: small town girl finds a way to give everyone Christmas.” I beamed at him, “what do you think?”

“What do I think? Well, first, I think it’s a stretch, even for you Diana! We can’t do this! You’re being unreasonable. Second, what about Sheila’s dad? What will Robert say? He’ll be all over you, Diana. He’ll kill you when he sees your messing with his daughter’s school!” I started to protest, but he stopped me, “no, I’m not finished. New York isn’t the place to start, its too big Diana. Start small if you’re actually going to do this. Start really small, like that tiny place in Maine we visited? Freeport was it? Start there, then if you really are a hit, you can go to New York City, after a few other stops.”

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, “this, Diana, is what you should do, not anything else okay? I am a reasoner, that’s why I’m a lawyer. You’re a dreamer, that’s why you are the president of the Community Club. We fit. I help keep your dreams within reason; you help me go outside the box. Remember orange chicken instead of just grilled chicken?” He smiled slightly, prompting me to smile. But after that long speech, all I could do was scowl, “stop crushing my dreams.” I growled, “I’m going to go find Lucia, she’ll help me,” I muttered, grabbing my bag. I looked back at Jonah to see him shaking his head, “whatever you say Diana, but beware, your words are brave, but unreasonable.”

He shook his head and climbed the stairs to his room.

I opened the door and slammed it behind me.

He’s a stupid jerk. Taking away my dreams. HMPH! When I’m famous, he’ll regret even saying anything!