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Scars (Sam Wilkinson)

TRIGGERS: DISCUSSIONS OF SELF HARM - CUTTING

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"Where do you want to go for our 6 months? I was thinking dinner at that restaurant I was telling you about." Sam says as he interlocked his fingers with mine as we cuddled on the bed.

"That five-star restaurant that would cost a fortune to eat at? You sure? I don't want you to spend –" I was cut off when he placed his index finger on my lips, signaling me to shut up.

"Shh, don't worry about that. I'm willing to drop a few Benjamin's for us." He chuckles, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. "What do you say?" He asks innocently.

I thought about it for a minute, trying to come up with an outfit that would hide the secret I was hiding from him. Once I realized I had a black long sleeved dress, I agreed to the dinner plans.

"Great! I'll go make the reservations right now." He says excitingly before grabbing his phone.

As he made the reservations, I laid there, appreciating everything Sam has done in this relationship. But as I did that, I felt guilty for hiding my self harm scars these past 6 months.

"Alright, tonight it is. Thank you so much, you take care now." I hear Sam say before hanging up. I rub his stomach as he places his phone on the bed side table. "Since that's done, I have another surprise for you." He says excitingly.

I sit up in bed, mentally preparing myself for what his surprise was.

Sam pulls out a clothing and shoe box from under the bed. "I got these for you." He says, placing the two boxes in front of me.

"Sammy, you didn't have to get these for me. I have so many outfits –" he cuts me off once more with the wave of his hand.

"It's okay. I wanted to. I hope you like it, Em helped pick it out with me."

I open the shoe box first and it was a pair of black suede pumps with ankle straps that I've always wanted. My jaw drops in disbelief that he got me a pair. "Thank you," I whispered, mesmerized by the heels in front of me.

"It's no problem. My sister said that it would look amazing with the thing in the other box," he hints, carefully trying not to give anything away.

I smile and unraveled the clothing box. To my surprise, it was a beautiful black dress that ended right above my knees with small slits on the sides. The chest area was laced and I loved it, but realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It was sleeveless.

"Y-y-you want me to wear this tonight?" I asked, trying not to sound offensive at all.

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, kind of." He says, rubbing the small of my back. "Do you not like it?" He wonders, gently rubbing the fabric of the dress between his thumb and index finger.

"No, I love it. I absolutely love it. It's beautiful, but –" I take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to tell him about my scars. "There's something I need to tell you and its kind of important."

Sam furrows his eyebrows and takes my hand into his. "What's wrong, baby girl?" He asks.

"What I'm about to say might disappoint you and that is the main reason as to why I was holding onto this secret for so long. I really just wanted to let you know that I love you and there's nothing in this world that can stop that. I just hope that goes for you too." I let out, taking a deep breath at the end.

He gives me a confused look and I roll up my sleeve, exposing the scars on my wrist. His eyes drop to my scars and a wave of disappointment filled the already tense air.

"Why?" He simply questions, not being able to make eye contact with me.

"It's difficult to explain."

"I'll try to keep up." His voice calming and soothing.

To my best ability, I try and explain what's going on and the reason behind it. And the best part of it all, Sam sat there and listened to me. No interruptions, no judgment.

Silence fell upon us before he finally spoke up. "Why were you so afraid to tell me?" He asks, carefully treading every word.

I shrugged. "I guess I just thought you would think I was stupid for even thinking about self harm. I thought you would be freaked out about it and run away."

"Wait, you thought I'd just...leave? After 6 months? No way!" He reassures me, causing me to smile a little. "You're going to need a lot more than that to drive me away." He chuckles.

I give him a small smile and covered my wrists once more. He saw what I was doing and stopped me. Grabbing my wrist, he brought to his lips. He gave me a gentle kiss, then another one on my lips.

"I'm always here when you need someone to talk to. Even if I'm miles away, I'll be there for you. I promise. Just please, please, please, talk to me, okay? I don't want to lose you, in any way."

I nod my head. "I will, I promise. Thank you."

Sam pulls me into a hug and gives me a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Sam."