Let Me Open Your Eyes

Chapter 21 - Disguise

(DESCRIBE THIS STORY IN ONE WORD) (also sorry if I break your heart again...)

{"Please don't leave me, I begged

                I don't think that I could stand on my own"}

After Aspen found out everything, things had changed between us. I felt so much closer to him, like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest, I no longer had to hide anything. That is how I had expected to feel, but there was still something missing. After trusting him with everything, it was hard not to resolve to my old ways of ignoring him and pushing all of these emotions away. I knew that it was a battle that I would constantly struggle with, trying to hold onto him when my brain screamed at me to push him away.

He had seen me at my lowest point and he never let go, not for a single second.

"I-I couldn't hold back...it was like the words were flowing out of my mouth effortlessly...I don't understand after so many years of hiding the reasons" I smiled sheepishly at my Nana, watching her sip her tea shakily.

"I'm so happy for you" she whispered weakly, setting her tea back down.

My gaze caught onto the constant shake in her hands and the pale color of her skin. My eyes narrowed and I searched her tired face worriedly, frowning when she sent me a strained smile to try and distract me.

"Are you seeing him today?" she croaked.

"W-What is wrong?" I asked carefully, placing my hand over hers. It was trembling. "Is everything okay? Do I need to call the doctor? Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yes" she chuckled weakly. "I have, I am fine, sweetheart."

I shook my head quickly, my frown deepening. "I don't believe you. What is going on? Tell me..."

"Paisley" she looked down.

"Tell me!" I raised my voice, panic seeping through.

She looked up at me once more and once I saw the tears glistening in her brown eyes, I knew that whatever was happening was something that could change everything. She looked sad, like she wanted to keep it to herself, but at the same time she looked utterly terrified.

"Sweetheart...I-I had a meeting with my doctor yesterday" she explained slowly, her voice cracking gently. I gripped the side of the armchair tightly. "They ran lots of tests as they were concerned about my levels...they came back with the results and it isn't g-good news..."

I shut my eyes tightly, clenching my fists to hold back the tears as I looked back up at her scared expression once more.

"How long?" my voice was quiet.

She looked down with a sad smile. "They aren't sure...maybe a month, maybe less."

It was like everything went quiet, her voice was muffled as a deafening ringing struck my ears, making it feel like I was underwater. I felt sick, my legs automatically standing up, my hands grabbing for my bag before I rushed out of her hospital room. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that I needed to get out of there.

Perhaps if I got away it would feel like it was all a dream.

I choked on a sob, leaning against the side of the hospital, my head leaning against the rough surface of the brick wall. I placed my hands on my chest, letting them curl around my throat, hoping that it would somehow clear my airways and make it easier for me to breathe. Every other time that I felt the crushing pain coming over me, my body would automatically want to crawl into a hole. I waited for the familiar sensation to take over my body, to make me want to run home and hide from everyone.