Let Me Open Your Eyes

Chapter 26 - The Letter

{"I could be anything in the world 

                                                        but I wanted to be his"}

My eyes opened the next morning, every last movement taking away all of my energy. It felt as if he had taken my entire heart with him when he disappeared, leaving nothing but an empty feeling in my chest, like it was hollow and unable to feel anymore. When I opened my eyes, I wanted nothing more than to close them again, not ready to face a world that didn't have Aspen Blue in it.

When my mother left for work, I hesitantly walked up to the mailbox, each step making me feel sick. Whatever he had left for me, it would never make up for never seeing him again, for not being able to see the love in his eyes and feel his arms around me sheltering me from all of the pain that I had felt.

The envelope was slightly creased and the handwriting on the front was messy like he had been rushed. I looked around as if hoping to somehow see him, expecting him to pop out of nowhere and tell me that he had found a way for us to be together forever.

But he wasn't there.

I swallowed down the disappointment and slight confusion at how he even managed to send me a letter, only caring about finding out what he had written. The letter was only one page, and I held onto it tightly, scared that it would suddenly disappear just like he did. I opened it with shaking hands, my eyes immediately following his messy handwriting as I tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

Sunshine,

There aren't enough words in the world to express how sorry I am, and even if there was enough words, I would certainly run out of paper. I know that there is nothing that I can do or say to make this better, or for you to feel less alone, but I need you to try something for me. I have a lot that I need to say and regardless of whether you are ready to hear it, it is something that you have needed to hear for a long time.

You are the strongest person that I have ever met, and the worst part is that you don't realize it. You are incredibly kind in cruel situations, and are able to care for others in a way that most people could only dream of. Everything that you have battled, everything that you have done to stand up for yourself even with one simple word, you did it all alone. I know that you think that without me, everything will suddenly crumble, but you are so wrong. When you stood up to Megan and all of those who hurt you, that wasn't me forcing you to speak, you did it on your own. When you spoke to your father to get the divorce papers signed, I didn't move your feet, you made the decision on your own.

Every little decision that has made you happier has been one that you made, not something that I have forced you into. I know that you feel so alone right now reading this, but I promise you that as well as always having me with you somewhere in the world, you also have your courage. If you continue to try, if you experiment and get away from all of those things dragging you down, there is nothing that you can't do.

You are strong enough on your own.

All I ask is for you to continue opening up like you did with me. Forget about the fact that I was sent there for a reason, forget that not all of it was real, just remember how far you came and how far you can continue to grow. Let people in, let yourself love and feel happiness for once, even if it isn't with me.

I know that part of you hates me, and maybe always will, but all I can say is that I am sorry. I knew that it was wrong to lie to you and the entire mission felt wrong as soon as I met you, after listening to you talk and how you made me feel, I knew something was off. I fell in love with you on my own terms, not as part of some stupid mission. I don't want you to forget that, Paisley, because if I can love you, there are so many other people out there that will once they get to know you. I will never stop loving you and caring for you, and as much as I wish I could check in on you and see how far you start to grow, I know it will be too painful. But know that I will always be thinking of you and don't you dare think that there is any way on this earth that I will ever forget you. It isn't possible.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, having to say goodbye to you forever. I know that every single day will hurt like hell and that I will barely know how to cope with missing you, but just know that I love you and that will never change.

I hope one day that you can thank me for everything that I have done.

You were given two hands for me to hold, two legs to walk beside me, and two ears to listen to me telling you how much I love you. But you were only given one heart for me to spend the rest of my life trying to find.

And I'm so glad that I finally found it.

Aspen Blue

xxx 

I hope that you don't hate me still and that you liked the letter, this letter has always been planned and I am quite happy with the way that it turned out! Leave a comment to let me know what you think, and I will see you all in the epilogue....

Just keep scrolling!

~Jodie