stitch my wounds

3.9

*Kimmi's point of view*

"What do you do when you want to fall in love with someone but you still love someone else?" Dana asked while we were walking.

"I dont know, but who are you talking about?" I asked.

"I can't really tell you because I want to keep our friendship," she said.

"Oh, ok," I said. She doesn't trust me. Well, that's one more thing that I wasn't told. Are my friends even really my friends?

"So, what do I do?" Well, I mean, she's asking me for advice so she has to trust me, right?

"Oh, umm I guess you tell the other person you love that you love them if you haven't already and keep the other person as a friend. Why?" I asked.

"Well, umm. I don't know," she answered. She doesn't trust me.

"Oh, I'm go-" should i even tell her that I'm going to California? She won't care, right? No one would care?

"You're what?" she asked.

"Uhh, I'm going to be hungry after this so we should walk up to McDonald's," I said.

"What?" Dana laughed, "You know we can't have junk food after we run,"

"Ugh , that's why I hate running," I said.

"I hate it too but it takes our minds off of things. Speaking of which, do you want to talk about the phone call?" Dana asked.

I sighed. I did want to talk about it and I knew i was just being a baby about this whole thing. I wanted to get my feelings out and tell someone but who did I trust? Cam? Brian? Dana? Dyl- pshhh yeah right. Oh, don't make me laugh.

"Well, an old friend brought up something that I didn't want to talk about at the time and it got me upset," I said.

"Oh," is all she said. The rest of the walk was silent and I didn't know why.

_____

"So, how was the walk?" Cam asked.

"It was... nice," Dana said. I kept quiet. I didn't exactly enjoy the walk because of the silence. It made me think about today and I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to disappear and get away from my thoughts but i couldn't. All i could think about was the day Andy told me he was leaving. I still felt pretty guilty about him getting into a car accident even though it wasnt my fault. And then when he told me that he was leaving so suddenly i felt even worse. I thought he was leaving because of me. I thought he wanted to get out of California as fast as possible because of me. But of course there was tour. I felt like i couldnt live with myself and it was just horrible. Now, two years later I didnt even care about it. Or at least that's what i think. But every time something small happens i just get lost in my feelings again.

"Kimmi! Is she dead?" Cam asked.

"What?" I said. Cam and Dana just laughed. Apparently I missed something.

"You zoned out," Dana said.

"Oh, ok," i said.

"That's it? ' Oh, ok,'? At least give us a reason," Dana said.

I put my head in my hands, "I just need sleep," I said, emotionless. Then I got up and walked to my room, making sure to lock the door. I didn't need sleep, I just needed some type of reassurance. Someone who could tell me that it wasn't my fault that Andy got into that car accident. Someone to tell me that Andy wasn't mad at me about it. Someone to tell me that Andy actually cares about me.

I needed Andy.

_____________

*Andy's point of view*