Raise A Glass {Lams}

::Three::

"How do you get your hair so soft?" Alex asked, twirling his finger around a lock of John's fluffy and curly hair. John was doing some reading for his summer assignment and Alex was taking a break. John, being very patient, let Alex pester him as he read. 

"Shampoo and Conditioner." He replied. 

"But I do the same, you're hair is so much softer."

"Oh well."

Alex leans over to kiss John. John smiles on Alex's lips before kissing back. "Stop distracting me, you doofus." John laughs, pushing Alex's face away after a few minutes of intense kissing. 

"Aw, c'mon, take a break!"

"You're such a hypocrite," John laughs. "Only a few weeks ago, if I said that, you would have called me insane." 

"Okay, fine." Alex said and grabbed his textbook and sat opposite from John. John hid his grin by burying his face in his own laptop. 

The two sat in silence before John's fingers slowly inched their way, closer to Alex's hand. Alex wrapped his own hand around John's. 

Finally, John couldn't take it anymore and he stood up and practically dragged Alex into his bedroom. Alex, of course, had no complaints, only a satisfied smirk drawn on his face.

July went by too fast for the two of them. Both Alexander and John had the time of their life. Going to turtle farms and libraries and just spending time with each other. Finding comfort in each others company. Just being able to confide in each other, kiss each other. It was enough. 

And every so often, Alex would think, if he had John, That might just be enough. 

Only, of course, to dismiss those thoughts almost as soon as they popped up in his head. Because he was stubborn and wouldn't give into his fantasies. Only reality. And his reality was straightness and Eliza. 

"Can we go to a bar?" John asks, one day, only a couple nights before Eliza would return. 

"What?" Alex looked up from his laptop. "Why?" He had a tendency to say things that he shouldn't or tell the truth when he shouldn't while he was drunk. And he certainly didn't want to say anything that he would come to regret. 

"Please?" John says. "I wanted to get some alcohol and maybe dance a little." He shrugs. 

Alex looked at John, his innocent pleading face. He heaved a dramatic sigh and closed his laptop. "Alright John." 

"Thanks Hammy!" John said, throwing his arms around Alexander's waist and kissing his neck, sucking the skin just a little bit, leaving a mark. 

Alex just shook his head and said "You dork." 

The two walked out of the apartment, hand in hand. 

When they arrived at the bar, the unmistakable scent of alcohol hit them when they walked in. It was only 8pm, but many people were already drunk and partying. 

Alex and John sat on the bar stools, mainly keeping to themselves, taking to each other like no one else was in the room. If Herc and Laf were here, there would probably be more partying and shouting (especially coming from Mulligan). But no, the two boys talked themselves. 

Something unusual overcame Alex that night, however. He was usually very vigilant when it came to managing how many drinks we would down. Knowing that he had to be ready for school the next day or just because he hated hangover. But today, that night, it was different. 

It was the fact that, in just two days, he wouldn't have Laurens by his side anymore. He'd go back to his monotonous life. Not that he didn't like Eliza, he thought Eliza was a spectacular girl. He didn't love Eliza, that's what it was. He loved John. No matter how many times he tried to push John out of his mind or heart, that would always be a fact. You can't mess around with love. It's unexplained. And at this point, he knew that he would go back to his life of pretending to be someone and love someone he didn't. And it would be so much harder because he got a taste of what it was like to be with the man that he did love. 

And all these problems were just pilling on top of him, crushing him down. So what did he do? He tried to drown his sorrows in a beer bottle. 

"Alex," John said, trying to pull the bottle away from him. "That's your 7th one. Stop." John's voice sounded watery and his figure blurry. 

"Huh?" Alex said, slurring his words. He let out a soft burp. "I'I'm fine, Laurens. Don't...Don't worry." He then proceeded to laugh for about two minutes. John chuckled and said

"Let's head home before you pass out." 

John hailed a cab while Alex stumbled around, blindly drunk. 

In the cab, Alex rested his head on John's shoulder. 

John was going through his own problems as well. Alex was gonna leave him in two days. Leave him. How could he take that? He was so dumb to agree to this in the first place. It was stupid. He was stupid. The heartbreak is just gonna be worse now, than if Alex never dated him in the first place. He wished he could know if Alex truly did love him. Maybe, just maybe, that would give him some sort of closure before he let Alex go. Like did he ever truly mean anything to him? Or was he just a distraction from Eliza's absence? Maybe if he knew that Alexander cared for him, it would be easier to let him go. It sounds ridiculous, and it probably is, thought John. But really, he was so desperate to know what place he held in Hamilton's life. 

John pulled Alex out of the cab, paying the driver and helping him into the elevator and into the apartment. Alex fell face first onto the bed. John pulled his shoes off and decided just to let Alex sleep in his t-shirt and jeans. 

Alex laid in the bed, John next to him. Drunken thoughts swirled through hi mind in a confusing array. 

"Alexander?" John whispered, pulling the ponytail holder out of his hair and lay next to Alex. His arm was wrapped over Alex, in sort of a protective and loving manner. He rested his chin on Alex's shoulder. 

"Mm?" Alex said, his breath smelled heavily of alcohol. His thoughts were all mixed up, and he didn't think before he spoke anything at this point. He was far too intoxicated to know/care about the weight of his words. He could tell you anything and it would be true, despite consequences. 

"Would you chose me over Eliza, if you could?" John whispered, his voice filled with sadness. 

"I would chose you every time." Alex whispered, his voice husky. 

"That's good enough for me." John said, a soft smile creeping over his lips. 

"Can I go to sleep now?" Alex asked, politely. 

John found it mildly adorable that Alexander had to ask him if he could fall asleep. 

"Yes, my love," John murmured, affectionately. "Go to sleep." John grabbed the end of the duvet blanket and pulled it over the two of them. His eyelids felt heavy, for he was slightly drunk himself, and he fell asleep, a smile still on his face. 

happy july fourth!! 

also, rest in peace Jeff McSassypants and John Adams (lol even if u were kind of a jerk)

I'm gonna go bask in my freedom