Raise A Glass {Lams}

::Four::

Alex woke up and immediately felt a weird feeling in his gut. 

Eliza was arriving home in two hours. 

His relationship with John would end in two hours. 

John woke up in his own bed, learning to sleep away from Alex. The second he opened his eyes, tears filled them and he placed a hand over his mouth. He rolled around, clutching his stuffed turtle to his heart and squeezing his eyes shut. A tear trickled down his cheek and he didn't bother to brush it away. 

Alex sat up in bed, staring blankly ahead. He opened his phone, a picture of him and John. John was laughing as Alex kissed his cheek. 

Alex sighed, setting a picture of him and Eliza back onto his phone. A heart wrenching sensation occurred as he did. He hated it. Why did he even suggest the one month thing? This was awful. He was awful. 

Alex walked into Laurens' bedroom. He sat down beside John's sleeping body. He ran a hand through John's fluffy hair, smoothing it down a little bit. He saw John's tear stained cheeks and guilt shot through him. 

John's heart pinched in his chest as he pretended to be asleep with Alex sitting beside him. Finally, Alex got up. When he could no longer hear his footsteps, John opened one eye. He was gone out of his room. Just like he was gone out of his love life. There was no more Alex and John: dating. Only Alex and John: platonic. 

But they weren't. And John knew it could never be the same again. That's what hurt the most. 

It could never be the same again. 

He knew that the simple sight of Alex would kill him once Eliza gets back. He knew that eventually he would just avoid his best friend and crush. 

Alex knew it too. 

"You've really screwed up this time, Hamilton." He muttered to himself. He walked around the house, removing all traces of him and John ever being together. 

Eliza would be home in an hour and a half.

His old life would unpause and start again in an hour and a half. 

He would go back to living a lie in an hour and a half. 

He would stop breaking his father's past rules in an hour and a half. 

Maybe things would start to be okay in an hour and a half. 

No, he thinks. 

I'm gonna lose my best friend and true love in an hour and a half. 

John stayed in his room. The door locked. His turtle pressed against his torso, like he was clinging to it, begging it to make him happy. 

"John?" alex said, his knuckles rapping lightly against John's door. "You wanna come out for breakfast?"

John winced at Alex's voice. 

"Um, no." He faked a cough. "I'm actually not feeling great. Think I'm coming down with something." 

Alex didn't buy it for a second. But he knew it was better to leave it than to push John. He knew he had already done enough damage.

"Aw, I'm sorry." He said. "Okay, I'll leave you alone then."

"Thanks." John said, softly. 

Alex retreated from the door and sat on the couch. He tried to read, but his mind was elsewhere. Preoccupied with thoughts and concerns and other problems. 

He got so lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear Eliza walking in. 

"Alexander!" She cried, running over. Before Alex could react, he was in a hug with Eliza. "Oh, I've missed you so much, baby."

Alex patted her back, somewhat awkwardly. "Hey Liza!" he said, clearing his voice of anything suspicious or weird. "I missed you too!"

John, listening from the other room, wasn't crying, but felt numb inside. 

"Alex and Eliza are meant to be," He told himself, repeating it over and over again, like a mantra. "It was never supposed to be me and him, but was always Alex and Eliza." 

"So what did you do while I was gone?" Eliza asked Alex. 

Memories of his past month flashed through Alex's mind.

"You've got ice cream on your cheek." Alex said, laughing. 

"Huh?" John replied. Alex just kissed John's freckled cheek and the small bit of ice cream was gone. 

John smiled. 

"Anyone ever tell you that you look freaking adorable in sunglasses?" He asked Alex, still grinning widely. 

"No," Alex said, tilting his glasses down the bridge of his nose. "Do I?"

"Yes," John said and pressed his lips against Alex's. 

"C'mon, just hold him Alex!" John said, pushing his turtle towards Alex. 

"No. No way." Alex said, refusing to take the turtle from John. "That thing will chop off my finger one day. I am not holding that flesh eating monster."

John looked down at the small innocent looking turtle, he held in the palm of his hand. "You're such a drama queen. My turtle is harmless." 

"I do not care." Alex said, indignantly, crossing his arms. 

"Please?" John said, giving Ham his best pleading smile and a wink. 

"I hate you," Alex said, snatching up the turtle. The turtle and him made eye contact and Alex shifted uncomfortably. 

"See, he's not biting you." John said, two seconds before the turtle reached it's neck down and bit Alex's thumb . 

"Laurens, I like you a lot." Alex said, suddenly. The pair was on the roof, arms wrapped around each other, in a knowing silence. 

John turned his head from the view over to Alex, locking eyes with the boy. He didn't say anything in reply, just smiled his biggest smile and leaned his head forward to kiss Alex. He smiled in between Alex's lips, he just couldn't stop smiling with Alex around. 

Alex looked over at Eliza. "Just studied and hung out with Laurens."

Upon hearing that, John's eyes widened. He could feel himself beginning to cry. He sighed. 

"I thought you'd always chose me, Alexander." He whispered. He knew it was absurd, but he had always kind of hoped. No, he had always fully hoped. That maybe, just maybe, Alexander would chose him. Like he said he would. 

Finally, John picked up a pen and a piece of old scrap paper and began pouring out his raw emotions into words on a sheet.

Dear Alexander...

(the rest of this will be for later)

He sealed the letter and placed it in his backpack. Never to be opened. By anyone. 

"Goodbye Alexander."