Through it all [on hold]

Like Mr. Blackbourne Right Now

Dedicated to AshantiEdge

When we had finally arranged what was expected of the boys and I had told them over the phone what had happened, I asked Kota to come over. I wanted to talk with him. It hurt when I knew the guys were jealous and oblivious to Kota's unwellness. Kota agreed.

When the doorbell rang, Dr. Green answered the door and asked Kota if he was okay. They talked for a few minutes, and then Kota came and sat at my bedside in the guest room. Kota folded his hands in his lap and didn't look at me.

"Kota?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright?"

Kota glanced at me but his face was blank. I swallowed. He never looked at me like that...like nothing...I put my hands over his.

"Kota?"

"Did you do this so you guys can ask me a bunch of questions until you get the answers you want?" He clenched his jaw and his hands feel cold beneath mine.

"I just-"

"I'm. Fine. I don't need a bunch of people looking out for me. I've been fine for a long time, why wouldn't I be now?" I frown and my eyes sting. Why was he like this? Did I do something wrong?

"What did I do?" I force out. He pulls his hands away from mine.

"I just thought maybe you'd invite me over because you wanted to see me."

Kota stands up abruptly and exits and I choke on a sob. The door slams shut and a tear slips down my face. I want to chase after him, but my stupid leg can't be bothered, and who knows what else would hurt. How many words he would say like that. I hear yelling outside the door and it reminds me of my parents fighting. I start to cry and the door swings open. Sean runs to me and pulls me to him, rocking us back and forth as I sob.

"I wanted to see him!" I cry, and Sean hushes me. I take deep breaths until all I've got is whimpers and Sean rocks us and runs his fingers through my hair.

"Good?" Sean asks and I nod, sniffling.

"Where is he? Kota?" I ask after a moment.

"He left," Said Sean, "and Owen went after him. Who knows where they're at right now."

"Is he mad?"

"Kota?"

"Owe- I mean Mr. Blackbourne," I clarify. Sean thinks on this for a moment.

"If he wasn't when he left, then he's probably upset now." I close my eyes and lean against Sean. He smells nice. We sit in the quiet for a while. I match my breaths to Sean, and he rubs my back as I relax as much as I possibly can. I think over his words, and I want to cry again. How expressionless his face was when he looked at me...did I hurt him? If not me, then who?

Soon enough we hear the front door open and close, and then Mr. Blackbourne entered the room. I curled tighter against Sean. There was an aura that surrounded him, and I could feel the anger radiating off him in rays.

"What did he say to you?" Mr. Blackbourne asked quietly, calmly over the tone of his anger. I know he only wanted to know what hurt me the most right now. I knew he'd have the full story later. Why did I feel like defending Kota?

"Nothing really, I just-"

"Sang," Sean said softly, cutting me off. "What did he say?" He had watched me mouth words and almost cry for the last five minutes. Shouldn't he know?

"He said...he just thought maybe I'd invite him over because I wanted to see him...and he said that we did this so we could ask him questions until we got the answers we wanted...his face was so empty, and..." I stop talking and put my energy into holding back my tears. There are mumbles through the room and Sean holds his breath so I hold mine. He shifts next to me and then stand up.

"What happened to your jaw?" I look up. Mr. Blackbourne's jaw is a purplish color, a bruise forming. "It's a bruise," I say, squinting to try and see it better. I motion him closer and he walks slowly forward. As he gets closer, I can see marks, like from a knuckle. I would know. My eyes widen. "Tell me you weren't fighting," I say quietly, my voice wavering. He doesn't meet my eyes. "Tell me you weren't fighting!" I cry. He shakes his head and my eyes water. "Kota didn't...you just hit it on something...right? Like the door, or the wall, right? Kota didn't...wouldn't-"

Mr. Blackbourne slid down, back against my bed, and key his head rest back on my mattress. He looked defeated. My shoulders sag in defeat like Mr. Blackbourne right now, and Sean sits next to me.

"Sang, sweetie, I'm sorry you had to see this. These things happen sometimes..."

"I know."

"...and there's nothing we can do about it."

"I know."

"It'll be ok," he said, but he lacked confidence. He wasn't convinced and so neither was I.

"Sure," I whisper, and rest my head against his chest. My hand reached for Mr. Blackbourne but stops a little short. He was mad, so this want the best time for this, right? But it's all the more comfort he's missing. I finally reach my hand out and run my fingers through his hair. He stiffens at first, but doesn't push me away, so I keep on until I see his shoulders relax.

My other arm rests around Sean's shoulders, who lays next to me. His hands stay folded in his lap but I don't mind. I make lazy circles on his shoulder until I feel tired enough to sleep. They say a couple words to each other, quietly, because they don't know I'm still awake.

The door closed and there are footsteps towards me. A hand brushes a piece of hair away from my face, then trails down my cheek, and slides behind my head. They lift my head up and kiss my hair. He is almost gone when I whisper, "You left your glasses on my table."