Forever

Chapter 7: Hope

((Y/N)'s POV)

Present Day:

"Fuck, Sebastian. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

Those were the first words I uttered after listening to Sebastian's explanation. I looked over at my supposed best friend sitting across from me, but he was avoiding eye contact, his hand to his face. I rolled my eyes, and toyed with the bracelets on my wrist. I thought over everything he said again, and still came to the same conclusion.

"I think this is the most fucked up thing you could've done, you idiot. You decided to end our friendship instead of talking to me. Honestly, what the hell were you thinking?"

"What would you have done?"

"What do you mean, what would I have done? I just told you! I would've talked to you instead of being a dumbass and – "

"No, (Y/N). What would you have done if I had told you from the start, instead of all this other crap? What would you have done all those months ago, if I had told I had feelings for you?"

"Don't even try changing the subject, Sebastian! I sure as hell wouldn't have decided to abandon my best friend, but obviously you weren't thinking straight when you made that decision."

"Well now it's your turn to make a decision, (Y/N)! I told you everything – what are you going to do?"

"I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do, Sebastian! I have no fucking idea,"

I covered my face with my hands, trying to calm myself before I broke down into tears. What the hell am I going to do? My best friend just told me he's had feelings for me for the past 5 months and I don't even know how I feel about him...

I glanced up to see Sebastian pacing around, in front of the vanity across the room. He ran his hands through his hair as he sighed, worry lines forming on his forehead as he paced back and forth. Sebastian turned to look over at me, so I glanced back down at my hands, sighing.

"(Y/N), please. Don't stress about this, it's a simple decision. Choose Chad."

"Wh – what? Are you being serious, Sebastian?"

I looked up at him as he leaned against the vanity, his hands gripping onto the edge so tightly, his knuckles were white. I stood up and walked over to him, placing my right hand on his shoulder as I gently lifted his chin up.

"Look at me, Seb. Are you being serious right now?"

"Why would I joke around with you about this, (Y/N)? You love him, and he clearly loves you too. It's the right choice. And the best one, too. I'm nothing."

Tears formed in my eyes as Sebastian gave me a small smile and stood up from the vanity, holding both of my hands in his. I looked down at them, noticing how they fit so well together, like two puzzle pieces –

"Don't say that, Seb. You're not nothing, especially not to me. You're my best friend – always have been, always will be. Nothing can change that, not even all this stupid shit you put me through these last few months." I looked up into his eyes, just noticing how blue they were. I looked back down again as Sebastian sighed, replying - 

"This is one of the reasons why I love you, (Y/N) – you're always so forgiving, no matter what. But you don't get it – my feelings for you change everything. There is no way I can still be your best friend, not without it hurting me every time I see you with him."

I looked into his eyes again, realizing his intentions behind giving me his explanation. I pulled my hands away from his, turning my back on him as I walked back to the couch on the other side of the room.

"Always nice to see you haven't changed your selfish ways, Sebastian. Even after apologizing for everything you've done, you still want continue?" I scoffed, not even that surprised he still planned on not speaking to me.

"How is it going to hurt you? You've got everything you could want – I'm just going to make everything worse."

"Hah, you really think I have everything, Sebastian? How do I have everything, when I don't even have my best friend by my side? I cried almost every day for the past 5 months, because of you. I almost broke down when I saw I had to sit next to you today – I felt like I was sitting next to a stranger, not the man I've called my best friend for the past 6 years. Do you think that's fair?"

"Of course not, (Y/N), but what else was I supposed to do? There was no way I could've told you how I felt without it jeopardizing our friendship, or your relationship with Chad. I had to sacrifice one or the other, and I know it doesn't seem like it was the right decision, but it was, (Y/N) – our friendship was never going to work out when one of us is in love with the other, and they don't even realize it!"

'Is'? He didn't say 'was', he said 'is'. So he still has feelings for me, right now?

"You just said is."

"What?"

"You said 'one of us is in love with the other,', not 'was in love'. Do you still have feelings for me, Sebastian?"

"Of course I do! Feelings like this don't just come and go, (Y/N). That's what I've been trying to tell you – the way I feel about you, there was no way I was going to be okay with being just your friend – I'm either with or without you. And clearly, I'm going to be without you for a long time. I can't live with that."

"But you can live with not speaking to me? That's just great, Seb, just great! At least one of us can live with it."

"I'm doing this for our own good, (Y/N)! What kind of friend, let alone person, would I be if I stayed? It would only make things difficult for all of us. And let's be honest here – there's no way Chad is going to let me be anywhere near you once he knows about this."

"He's not going to know." Sebastian looked at me, confused as he processed what I had just said.

"What are you saying? He has to know."

"I'm not going to tell him, and you most definitely aren't going to, either. This stays between us, and anyone else you told."

"What the hell are you saying? You have to tell Chad, (Y/N)! It's already bad enough I waited 6 months to tell you, I can't not tell him, too!" Sebastian sighed, running his hands through his hair as he began to pace around the room again. I watched him, thinking.

"It would be bad, if I felt the same way about you, Sebastian. But, I don't. And as long as Chad doesn't know about your feelings, he has no reason to stop us from being friends. I'm not letting you end our friendship because you refuse to man up and deal with this."

"So, you don't feel the same way? Well that makes staying friends with you even harder – you'll only ever see me as your best friend."

"God, could you please grow up already?"

Sebastian held up his hands, as if surrendering, as he said, "I'm joking! I'm not a pathetic teenage boy, (Y/N). I can do it. But is this really the right thing to do?"

I looked into his eyes, seeing the familiar sparkle as he flashed me a small smile. I smiled back, thinking – I sure hope it is.