Forever

Chapter 23: Ecstatic

October 23rd, 2016 –

Today was the day. You had been dreading it since you told Anthony what you had decided, since he had been the one to help you articulate what you wanted to say. You were scared, to say the least. You were mortified, the stress and fear eating away at you as the minutes passed by. You had told Chadwick you wanted to talk after he came back from San Francisco, and he had agreed. Maybe he wants to end things, too?

Both Anthony and Carolyn reassured you that Chad would be fine with whatever decision you made, because you were doing something that would make you happy, and that's all he wanted, even if he was the one who ended up hurt.

So, you waited. You scrolled through the little checklist of topics Anthony had made you, so you wouldn't lose sight of what you wanted to get across to Chad. But even that couldn't help to calm your nerves. You were terrified of how Chad would react; anger, violence, nothing? You couldn't help that your mind wandered to those horrible thoughts – after everything that's happened, and I decide to leave him on his own? What does that make me? Selfish.

The sound of keys rattling outside the front door pulled you out of your self-loathing, just in time. Chadwick walked through the door, kicking his shoes off as he dropped his bags next to the table. He glanced over at you, and as hard as you tried, you couldn't hide the fear and nervousness from him. He sighed, and walked out of the room before you could get a word out. You swallowed hard, not knowing what he was doing.

He returned, a small bag in hand. He set it down on the coffee table before taking a seat across from you. He motioned to the bag he had just set down, and cleared his throat.

"That is for you. For later. What did you want to talk about, Y/N?" No pet names – he knows, doesn't he?

"Well, uh, I just – oh, god, I don't know how to say this." You sighed, biting your bottom lip as you cursed yourself for being so anxious.

"It's about Sebastian, isn't it?" You looked at Chadwick, and were met with a small, sad smile. His hands were clasped together on his lap, and he seemed relaxed. Relieved, really.

"Y-yeah. I'm so sorry, Chad."

"Don't be. But, I need to hear you say it, Y/N. Just so I know, it's not all in my head." His eyes are searching yours for an answer, and you see how glassy they were becoming. You felt tears brimming your own eyes, but you didn't want to look away; you couldn't.

"It's always been Sebastian, Chad. Always. Even when I couldn't see it, when I refused to see it, when I couldn't stand the thought of it. It's always been him. I'm so sorry. I wish it could be you, because you've made me so incredibly happy this past year, and I love you, I really do. It's just..."

"Indescribable." Chad chuckles as he wipes a few fallen tears from his cheek.

"What we have, I will always cherish, Chad, I swear. I never thought I'd find someone like you to be a part of my life, and I'm eternally grateful for you. I don't want what we have to end."

"Neither do I, Y/N. I love you, too, after all. You weren't just my girlfriend – you are my best friend. I'll never let that relationship go." You wanted to answer, but you couldn't find any more words to describe what you were feeling: your heart, breaking into little pieces. Who would've thought breaking up with a man you're not in love with would still hurt this much?

"S-so, you're okay? Are you sure?" You've moved next to Chadwick now, holding his hands in your own, awaiting a response.

"I will be. I understand all of this, if that's what you're trying to ask. I've always kind of understood, really. What you and Sebastian have...it's something unattainable. For us, at least. I could never love you the way he loves you. But, all that matters is that he makes you happy. I'm satisfied with that."