My Own Worst Enemy

chapter twenty-four

- it is 3am and I'm kinda tired so I'm sorry if there is any mistakes -

Vanessa's point of view

"Cal?" I asked and he hummed, wrapping his arms around me and setting his chin on my shoulder. "I need your help."

"With what?" He asked and I ran a hand through my hair.

"Something's wrong and I don't know what it is." I said and he looked at me confused. "Something's seriously wrong. I can't sleep. I-I can't focus on writing or playing. I'm always irritated. My appetite went down a hell of a lot. I'm scared."

"Hey hey hey, it's gonna be okay." He said, turning my head so I was looking at him. "It's gonna be okay. I promise. Do you want to see a doctor about it?"

"I do but I'm scared. What if the media finds out? What if my fans find out? My parents. Calum, I'm not ready for that. You know they're find out." I said and he looked me in the eye.

"Luke and Arz, if anything, would be more worried for your health than you are yourself. If your fans actually love you and care for you, they'd want you to get better aswell." He told me and I nodded.

"Alright." I said and he placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I don't have time to see a doctor. I have an interview later on, another studio session with Cisco, and we still need to meet with Larry at a bakery."

"I say, fuck it all and I'll take you to a doctor myself. You're one of the most important people in my life and if you're not okay, I need to fix that." He told me and I smiled smally.

"You're the best." I said and he chuckled. "If we are going to go, let's go before the kids get out of school and set up an appointment sometime soon. I don't want everything crammed together."

"Alright, sounds like a plan." He told me and gave me another kiss. I laughed lightly and ran my fingers through his curly dark hair.

-

When we stepped out of the building, already having made an appointment for this weekend, paparazzi was surrounding the place. I shielded my eyes from the flashes and Calum put an arm around my waist, keeping me close to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Is it true you're an alcoholic Vanessa?"

"Calum do you still smoke?"

"How's the modelling gigs?"

"What brands are you wearing?"

"Excuse us." Calum said loudly as out security guard opened the door for us and kept the paps away. He closed the door and I shook my head.

"How did they find out?" I asked and Calum held my hand. "Calum, everyone's going to flip-"

"It's going to just fine Nessa, calm down, alright? They don't know what we were doing over there. For all they know, we could be meeting a friend. It's okay." He told me and I nodded. "Buckle your seatbelt, I don't want you dying."

"I'm not going to die from an unbuckled seatbelt." He gave me a stern look and I sighed, buckling my seatbelt and giving him a smile. "Better?"

"Much." He said and I nodded as I took a deep breath. "Calm down. Seeing a psychiatrist isn't going to do anything to your career. I promise." He told me and I nodded.

"I'm trusting you Calum." I said and he nodded. "Anyways, what time do we have to meet Larry?"

"Noon. We have thirty minutes." He said and I nodded as he played with my ring.

"Okay." I said and closed my eyes. "Cal, can I ask you something?" I asked and he chuckled lightly.

"Of course you can."

"If something is like, wrong with me. If I end up having some kind of illness, you wouldn't think less of me, right?" I asked and looked at him.

"Of course not. How could you ask me that? I absolutely love you." He said lacing our fingers together. "Nessa, unless your murder someone or something along those lines, I could never think less of you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He said and I gave him a smile. He pushed the hair out of my face and kissed my nose. "Don't ever ask me that."

I nodded and the car stopped outside of a bakery. "Thank you." I said to the driver snd he nodded as we got out.

We sat down at a table and Calum chuckled. "Tour starts soon. How about that?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"I'm too stressed to be excited." I muttered and he sighed. "Dakota's getting an award, student of the month. She wants us to go but I don't know if I can Calum."

"It's okay if you can't, I'm sure she'll understand." He said and I shook my head as I folded my hands together, pressing then against my forehead as I rested my elbows on a table.

"I pissed her off enough, I can't just miss it. That's unfair." I said. "I'm such a bad mother. What made me think being in a band was a good idea? I should have said no so I could pay attention to you and the kids. They could find another bassist and singer."

"The band wouldn't be the same without you and I can assure you that. If you said no, I bet you they wouldn't have even tried to find someone else. You're their best friend and the whole music thing is clearly working out great and I'm proud of you. The kids are proud of you." He told me and I shook my head.

I felt like everything was crashing down on me. My lungs felt like they were collapsing and my throat was dry. I felt paranoid that someone was going to catch this on camera, and they most likely will, and I felt the unbareable urge to smoke.

"No, no I can't. Calum I can't. I don't want to do this." I said and looked at the table. "I mean... I want to do this, but it's killing me."

"All you have to do is take a deep breath and maybe take off your pants. That always helps, in any situation." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Now isn't the time to be a perv Cal."

"I'm just saying." He told me and I tapping my fingers against the desk, a habit I have when I'm unable to smoke despite my strong need to. "Just take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be okay."

"But what if it's not? What if the kids hate me for being gone? What if Dakota hates me? I bet she already does, I've fucked up more than I can count." I told him and he shook his head.

"Our kids could never hate you. You made mistakes but they're hardly big enough to hate you for it. Just calm down. You're gonna be alright and everything is going to be alright." He said as he pushed my bangs out of my face.

"But-"

"No but's." He said and I nodded. "Relax. When we get home, we'll lay down, listen to old music we used to love, and maybe open a beer or two. It's gonna be fine."

"I'm trusting you Calum."

"That's all I ask." He said and leaned forward. He gave me a kiss and I smiled. "Who said PDA was overrated?"

"The person who's single and jealous." I told him and we both laughed lightly.

A waiter came and I smiled at her. "Hi, my name is Linda. I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, I saw you two were having a moment. Can I start you off with any drinks?" She asked and Calum nodded.

"Two glasses of water and... coffee?" He asked me and I nodded. "And one coffee."

"Of course. I'll be right back with your drinks." She said and we thanked her. I leaned my head on my hand and Calum looked at me.

"I've known you since you were fifteen, you're now twenty-three. I know you can make it through this. Don't doubt yourself." He said and I shook my head.

"I want to trust you Calum, but I can't. I'm so afraid. What if I screw up with the band? Modelling? What if I screw up on us? The kids? I can't help but feel as if... as if I'm gonna mess up." I told him and he sgook his head.

"It's gonna be fine, I promise." He said and I nodded, but I really wish I could believe him. Maybe I could believe our kids didn't hate me, but I couldn't bring myself to believe him promising it's gonna be alright.