writers. / harry styles ( DISCONTINUED )

five

Sadly Met
+
f i v e ;

   Louis eyes burned into my skull, I could feel it even from ten feet away. I knew I had to do it. I had to call Lydia. The flashbacks have never been worse and my nightmares from the accident kept me up all night until I woke Louis up at 3:24 AM and cried to him over the phone until he got up and came to get me, which I feel bad for now as I eyed Louis drinking his fourth cup of coffee this morning.

   Harry has not been seen since yesterday and I'm sort of glad. It screwed with my head when he showed up yesterday in the back room while I was going through whatever the hell I was going through back there. It made me cautious and scared and attached and I hated that feeling. It was so tearing.

   I ran my fingertips along the edges of my journal as I focused on the pots and pans moving in the back room and people shouting their orders to Louis as he scrambled around. He was the only one working as of right now, and as selfish as it may sound, I just didn't feel up to doing it today. Usually I jump to help, but I couldn't bring myself to it today.

   The leather on the front of my journal was worn and sun bleached from the constant place of it in my window and on my apartment's deck outside. My fingernails were bitten as much as they possibly could before starting to bleed. I silently scolded myself for that. I had stopped my nail biting habit a long time ago and I had only started it back up last night when I awoke for the fifth time from my treacherous nightmares. My chest ached when I even thought about it.

   I couldn't speak the words out loud, so I did the only thing I knew how to do in a time like this, I wrote.

   I opened my journal, turning to a blank page before uncapping my pen, sticking the cap on the back of the pen, and pressing it to the paper.

•

41816

It's been so long since any of this has came to mind. I was so good at keeping it away. I don't know what came over me yesterday. What made me just snap when I only saw their names. An old sign-in sheet from when they came to this shop in the mornings before dropping Arabella and Athena off at school. Those beautiful little girls. I miss when I came in here, talking to Louis as the two girls climbed him like he was a playground and he enjoyed every second of it. Louis and I have been friends for just about forever, and he's been the only constant in my life for the longest time. He was one of the reasons I didn't want to call Lydia, because I'm not sure what would happen if she wants to see me again for treatment. If Louis would have her come here, or if he would make me go there. I am not sure how I would deal without Louis.
   Even the thought of going to New York to stay with Lydia again without anyone I know makes me want to scream. It makes my thoughts go rampant and it is just chaotic to think that this isn't all fabricated. This all really happened and it's a nightmare in itself. A nightmare when I'm awake. I don't want to get help, but Louis knows what's best for me and is almost like a fucking parent with the way he acts some of the time. But I love him and I'll listen to what he thinks is best, to an extent.
   I just hope this doesn't drive me over the edge like it did last time.

•

   The sound of the bell is what broke me out of my writing, making my head whip up as the one person I had been hoping to see but also dreading to see walked through the door.

   Harry.

   I slowly put my head back down, hoping he somehow wouldn't see my in the back of the shop, backed into the far corner of the café. This wasn't my usual spot, so maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't see me.