A Famous Affair

A Famous Affair chapter 6

The journey back home seems to take forever. Usually, I enjoy looking at the scenery that we pass on the train: the fields, the buildings and the animals in the fields. It's usually a calming way to pass the time, but today, I am anything but calm. I'm confused, upset, and emotional over what has happened in the past twenty-four hours. I keep telling myself I will feel better, once I am home, but I am still so knotted up with feelings that I don't yet understand. I didn't even want to discuss it with Lydia earlier, as she was so looking forward to her day out with Jake Carter. Besides, I am still very much in a state of denial. I can't even bring myself to mention Jonny Riley's name, as it brings on an intense feeling of shame. How will I ever be able to look at Shawn? Will he smell the pungent guilt that I carry around with me?

***

As the taxi pulls up to my house, I breathe a sigh of relief. The red-bricked stone and azalea shrubs are a comforting and welcoming sight. Butterflies flutter around in the pit of my stomach as I open the front door. "Hello, I'm home," I call out, trying to not sound any different than normal.

I hear music playing from one of the girls' rooms and I smell bacon in the air. The house is neat and tidy and just so . . . normal.

"Hey, you're back." Shawn greets me with a familiar kiss, cuddling me tightly in his arms. I stand there feeling relieved that it still feels good to be held by him. "So, how did it go?" Shawn asks, letting go so he can get a good look at me.

My guilt-ridden lashes lift with eyes that hide the truth. "Really well. We made loads of new contacts, and we met two new companies which sell some really unique toys." I reply, without my nerves making an unwelcome appearance.

"So, the convention was a success then?" he asks.

"Yes, it was. We went to watch Wicked too, which was amazing." Shawn grabs my hand, pulling me into his chest.

"So when can we get wicked?" His eyes look me up and down, as though they are undressing me layer by layer.

"Easy, Tiger, all in good time," I say with a dismissive pat to his chest. I then gently kiss the tip of his nose, in the hope it will appease his flirtatious question. "I'm going upstairs to see the girls and sort out my bag, okay?"

"Okay, Babes, what do you want to do later, then? Are we going out or staying in?" he asks.

"I'm knackered Shawn, shall we just get a DVD and takeaway?" I ask, hoping the answer is yes.

"Sounds good to me," Shawn says.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me." I walk away, feeling exhausted from trying to be my normal self. The truth is, I don't feel normal at all. There's an inner conflict going on within me. I don't know what I can do to stop it. Part of me wants to run away and hide but the other part is telling me to stop being a pathetic cow and just get my act together.

I see the girls' bedroom doors are ajar. I go to Lissy's room first, tapping gently before walking in.

"Hi, Lissy, you okay?"

She looks up, surprised to see me. "Hey, Mum, yeah I'm good. How was London?"

"Good, thanks." I sit down on the pastel patchwork quilt on her bed, looking at her sweet face. "I would really like to take you to London soon, Lissy. You'll love the shopping and Lydia and I have found a great little sushi bar," I tell her enthusiastically.

"That sounds fab, Mum. So, did you see anyone famous then? Ashley's grandma lives in London and she reckons they see famous people all the time." My mind trails off to thoughts of Jonny Riley, his hands all over me. I can even still taste him, if I allow myself to think about him for long enough. I look into my daughter's sweet and innocent face, thinking hard about the question.