A Famous Affair

A Famous Affair chapter 13

The next morning I feel awful. No, I feel wretched, desolate, empty and weak. My head is aching; my shoulders are, too. I go to the bathroom and look at my shattered reflection. My face is puffy, swollen and full of despair. I turn on the shower then hear a gentle tap on the door. I hesitate to open it. There stands a ruddy cheeked, plumpish lady in her fifties. Her small, sweet eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles at me.

"Hello, Mrs. Neel. I'm Mr. Riley's housekeeper, Mary. Would you like me to get you anything?" I want to scream hysterically, YES . . . a new fucking life, a one-way ticket to a place where nobody can find me, a large stone to crawl under!

"Uh . . . could I have a sweet tea and just a little toast, please? Is Jonny here?" I ask quietly.

"No, Mrs. Neel, he left early this morning. He had an early radio interview."

"I see." My heart pines for Jonny. To think we said our good-byes last night and to know I'll never see him again is too intolerable.

"Simon is available to take you home when you're ready." She once again smiles sweetly. Or was that just a smile of pity?

"Thank you, Mary." Closing the door, I undress in a daze. I shower in a daze. Everything is an intolerable daze. My life seems to be passing in slow motion. I'm feeling devoid of all emotion. Part of me wants to stay here; to tell Jonny I've made a terrible mistake and that I've now chosen him. Oh, I wish it was that easy, but when push comes to shove I just can't do it. I know I must return home to Shawn and the girls; to start moving on, but I'm finding it so hard to do so. Why in the hell did I ever think it was okay for Jonny to keep waiting around for me to make my mind up? More to the point, why did he allow me to treat him that way? Because he loved you . . . God knows why, but he loved you, Jessica!

The raw torment on his face from last night still taunts me. In the cold light of day, I know that loving him the way I do is just not fair to him. He deserves more and is worthy of so much more. I'm not deserving or worthy enough to be the one to give him what he needs.

***

It's 10:21 a.m. and I want to leave. It's too painful being here. I keep seeing Jonny's hazel eyes. I remember his loving hands all over my body, the taste of his sexy mouth. I remember how excited he was showing me my birthday present and seeing his face light up when I was jumping around like a little girl because I had my very own personal shopper. All these special moments are etched in my mind, but now, they are too excruciating to remember.

I depressingly go downstairs into the kitchen; Mary is humming away to herself. I wonder whether I will ever be able to do a happy hum again?

"Oh, Mrs. Neel, I'll fetch you some breakfast, now."

"Thank you, Mary." I'm too distraught for talking. I just want to curl up into a dying ball.

She places a hot tea and thick, buttered toast in front of my despondent self. "There you are. Would you like anything else, Mrs. Neel?"

"Please, call me Jessica. And yes, could you tell Simon I'll be leaving in ten minutes?"

"Will do." Her kind face smiles sympathetically. There's that bloody pity smile again!

I sip the hot tea, and my swollen, numb lips welcome its sweetness. I try to swallow the toast but it seems reluctant to go down. I'm trying to eat merely to keep my strength up as I feel weak and broken; beyond repair.

Simon walks into the kitchen. He looks taken aback by the pitiful sight of me. "Morning Jessica, shall I get your bags?"

"I've put them by the stairs, Simon."