A Famous Affair

A Famous Affair chapter 24

Being in the car with Lydia and Jake does little to alleviate my nerves. It's hard to summon the polite chit chat needed for the journey. Inside I feel churned up and nauseous, worried about what kind of reception I will be greeted with when I knock on the door of my once happy home.

When I see Cheltenham sign posted, I suddenly feel immersed in fear. My heart is thumping and my mouth feels dry; with each passing mile my feelings grow stronger and stronger, making me more anxious the closer we get.

"Darling, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Lydia's sympathetic eyes and silky voice, do little to calm me.

"I'll be okay, Lydia. Thanks for offering. As tempting as your kind offer is, I have to do this by myself. Though, I'm not ashamed to admit . . . I am absolutely terrified." My face feels tight with fear, when I try to smile at my dear and thoughtful friend.

"Just call me if you need anything . . . I mean anything," she offers. I manage a slight, subdued yet appreciative smile.

Looking out of the car window, my eyes try to reacquaint themselves with the place, which used to be my home. I was born and raised in Cheltenham, all of my childhood memories were created here. I will forever be attached to this wonderful place. It is here, that I shared my first clumsy kiss with a boy named Bob. Where I got drunk for the first time on hideously cheap cider and lost my virginity to Jeremy in a posh flat in Montpellier. It is also where my beloved mum has been laid to rest and, most importantly, where I gave birth to my precious girls.

My whole life is wrapped up in sweet nostalgia here, it feels strangely good to be in familiar surroundings again. I had taken for granted the beauty of the place with all its regency architecture, tree lined avenues and the stunning Cotswolds which border the town. I simply forgot how beautiful Cheltenham is.

My thoughts are interrupted by my awareness that we are nearing Lydia's home.

"Thank you so, so much for a wonderful weekend, darling, I have loved every single minute." Lydia tightly holds my hand, then hugs me as tight as she possibly can. A good luck and good-bye hug all rolled into one.

I smile. "It has been wonderful having you both visit, thanks for coming." I say, squeezing her hand.

Jake looks across at me. "Yeah, thanks Jessica. We really have had a great time." His warm grin alleviates just a tiny little bit of my inner stress, which is relentlessly twisting around within my gut.

"So, we'll see you at Christmas then?" I ask.

"Definitely," Jake keenly replies, leaning right across Lydia to kiss my cheek. His manly stubble lightly grazes my soft cheek. "Try not to look so scared, Jessica. I wish you luck seeing Lissy and Lottie." His kind words trigger my emotions. I bite my lip, trying to prevent the tears from filling my eyes.

I clear my throat, now lined with nerves, sadness and terror. "I appreciate that, Jake." As much as I wish his words would work, my inner fear silently makes me feel nauseous. I want to run away. Can I really face Shawn? Will the girls still hate me? Part of me wants to drop off Lydia and Jake, then tell Simon to drive back home to Chelsea.

I pray I can do this! Where has all of last nights courage gone?

Simon slowly pulls up outside Lydia's charming and elegant mid-terraced townhouse. There are no hanging baskets or garden shrubs. Just a pristine white washed house with a Cotswold stone wall and a small, black wrought iron gate. It's very Lydia.

We stand on the path to say a proper good-bye. Lydia strokes my arm. "Call me later okay, Jessica?"

"I will . . . see you soon, Lydia." We embrace warmly. Jake waits patiently for his chance to hug me.