A Famous Affair

A Famous Affair chapter 21

Jonny and Jay are meeting in the main reception room while I help Mary prepare one of the rooms for Lydia and Jake's first visit to Jonny's place. I am elated to have Lydia come to Chelsea. I have missed her so much. She is all I have besides Jonny. The girls sadly, still haven't contacted me. Lydia it would seem is the closest thing I have to family now. The emptiness of not seeing my girls gnaws away at me all of the time, so Lydia and Jake's stay will be a welcome distraction.

I carry a vase of white peonies, lovingly placing it beside the bed. "How long will your friend be staying, Jessica?" Mary is carefully folding towels, placing them neatly on the corner of the marble bathroom suite.

"Just the weekend, Mary. We're going out on Saturday night, so I'm really looking forward to it." I cheerfully reply.

"I'm looking forward to meeting your friend Lydia." Mary smiles.

"She is charming, a tad naughty, but wonderful nevertheless," I proudly gush.

"You know you don't need to help me get the room ready, don't you?" Mary asks.

"I just want it to be perfect, not that I think you won't make it look perfect, Mary. Lydia is a reminder of my life as it was. So much has changed now. I just want her to see that I am happy in my new life, incomplete without my girls, but otherwise happy." I try to explain my need to prepare the room for Lydia. There are now so many aspects of my life I no longer have control over, but making my dearest friend feel welcome, I do.

Mary frowns. "Still nothing from your girls, then?"

"No . . . nothing," I say sadly, plumping up a pillow. "I try not to think about it too much. I keep sending texts and letters, but still no reply. I just can't dwell on it, it hurts too much. Lissy and Lottie obviously need more time. As their mother, I have to respect that." I absently pinch the corners of the just-plumped pillow, trying to make its points perfect. Anything to stop me from thinking about my girls. Just saying their names is like a knife to my heart.

Mary is standing beside me, trying to offer some kind of comfort. "I am sure with Christmas just around the corner, they will certainly be thinking about you."

"I hope so; I don't think I could bear it if this is to be my first Christmas without Lissy and Lottie." My body becomes tense at the thought. Waves of sadness ripple through me.

"Christmas is often a time for reflection and forgiveness. Let's hope your girls have had enough time to let the hurt subside and be able to show you that they are now ready to forgive." Mary smiles, her eyes so full of sympathy.

"They are still so young. I'm not sure they fully understand enough, in order to be able to cope with their thoughts and feelings," I admit.

"You're doing the right thing, Jessica. You are keeping your distance to give them a chance to heal; if you had pushed too soon they wouldn't have had enough time to think about things."

"I can cope knowing that Shawn hates me, but to think of my girls hating me too," I swallow hard, looking despairingly down at the floor. I have to stop a moment before carrying on. I breathe in sharply, looking at a patient Mary. "Well, words cannot express how that feels." I am not going to bloody well cry!

Mary slowly places her arm around my shoulder. It's times like this that I miss my own mother so, so, very much. What I'd give to be held in her maternal arms right now. To have her holding me, telling me that everything is going to be okay. That one day my girls will forgive me and be able to love me again. Mary puts her arm around me, pulling me against her fostering shoulder. "Things will work out I'm sure, but for now you have your friend Lydia coming, so chin up," she says with a caring smile.