Kik, Cute Boys, and Other Cringeworthy Things

7

PATDFOBMCR_YT: PIZZA

fobsessedchick: Uh Nunya, are you okay bro?

PATDFOBMCR_YT: IM MORE THAN OK

PATDFOBMCR_YT: IM SPECTACULAR

collxkelly: I'll be elsewhere if you need me

collxkelly: Somewhere Nunya isn't orgasming over hot pizza

fobsessedchick: GUYS JACK AND ALEX FROM ATL ARE HERE

fobsessedchick: BRB

Erin snuck into the bathroom to make a private chat with them and started a text conversation:

fobsesedchick: I know you two are at the same pizza place as us

fobsessedchick: @Parttimelow Nice Superman shirt btw

Parttimelow: Thanks?

fobsessedchick: So how goes it?

Parttimelow: It goes

Parttimelow: I actually feel quite... swell

fobsessedchick: You mean... super?

Parttimelow: Ffs

Parttimelow: Tbh I thought you would react to us being here like Kiernan Shipka did in Fangirl, but to each their own I guess

fobsessedchick: Oh trust me

fobsessedchick: I'm metaphorically throwing up inside

Parttimelow: It could happen

fobsessedchick: :D))

Parttimelow: OMG IS THAT A DOUBLE CHIN EMOJI

Parttimelow: I MUST HAS

Parttimelow: GIVE IT

fobsessedchick: NO

fobsessedchick: IS MINE

fobsessedchick: YOU NO HAS

Parttimelow: Poopypants

fobsessedchick: XD

fobsessedchick: I like how ur a grown man in a band and you still use five year old insults

Alltimehigh: Whos a poopypants

Alltimehigh: O hi Erin

fobsessedchick: Hi Jack

Parttimelow: Hi Alex

fobsessedchick: We get it Alex

fobsessedchick: You feel alone

Parttimelow: I lonely :(

Alltimehigh: How tf are you lonely, we're on a platonic date

fobsessedchick: "Platonic date" my ass

fobsessedchick: Friends don't feed each other French fries all lovey-dovey like

Parttimelow: OH SHIT (oh shit) she's onto us

Parttimelow: *jumps out window and dies on ground*

Alltimehigh: ALEX NO

Parttimelow: ALEX YES

fobsessedchick: DO IT FOR THE VINE LIKE LELE PONS

Alltimehigh: OH SHIT HE DID

fobsessedchick: OMG

Everyone in the restraunt ran outside to find a bloody Alex Gaskarth lying among shattered glass and a shell-shocked Lele Pons cursing in Spanish. The police had already arrived and her friend Amanda Cerny was giving them their side of the story:

"I don't even know how it happened, officer; we were trying to readjust our parking when a guy came flying out the widow behind us and Lele nearly missed running him over."

Erin, Jack, and the other girls ran over to Alex's side, where there were medics questioning him:

"Sir, why did you jump out the window if you knew it was dangerous?"

Alex tried lifting his head and croaked, "I did it for the Vine."

Lele knelt down beside him and started sobbing; "I am so sorry, chico; don't ever scare your friends by doing stuff for Vines again."

"I jumped in a chemical-filled pond once for the Vine, does that count?" Nunya asked no one in particular.

Erin ignored them and made Alex lay his head back. "I was joking about the Vine thing, dude."

"Well, speak of the devil; I pulled a Lele and here she is," he replied, coming to his senses. "She's even prettier when she's not through a screen."

She blushed at his compliment. "Gracias."

"Hey, Gaskarth; remember the whole 'married and not interested' thing?" Jack asked, trying to give his bro a reality check.

"Shut up, Barakat," Alex retorted.

"I had a bearcat once, but it starved to death in like two days because I was trying to make it go vegan," Amanda piped up from the back of the crowd.

Pete appeared through the hole in the window, looking annoyed. "Could you assholes keep it down?! I am trying to enjoy my pizza!"

"You mean your Pete-za?" Olivia joked.

"SHUT-!" he started.

Patrick appeared behind him and patted his back. "Let them have their fun, Peter."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

His son, Bronx, peeked out from behind his leg. "Woah, a real ambulance! Did somebody get hurt, daddy?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Lil B," Pete replied, ruffling his hair.

The manager pushed through the crowd, sweating frantically. "Alright, since that little scare temporarily halted business, the establishment is closed for repairs and all pizzas ordered before the incident are free. Sorry for the inconvenience." She put a pizza-patterned mouse pad under Alex's head and left. Everybody cheered, but Pete was probably the loudest of them all, making Patrick and the Fall Out Kids plug their ears until Joe's daughter Ruby stuffed a napkin in his mouth to shut him up.

Alex, still a little disoriented, got up with help from Lele. "So, if this were a movie, this would be the part where the guy kisses the girl after purposely injuring himself, right?" she asked.

"Well, the guy wouldn't be married, but what happens in Myrtle Beach stays in Myrtle Beach," he replied, dipping her backwards into a passionate kiss.

Jack watched them, a bitter look on his face. "Back at it again with getting cockblocked by girls."

"DAAAAAAAYYYYYUM, DANIEL!" the girls added, giggling.

The Panic! guys watched the entire scene play out from their car (at least, Dallon and Brendon did; Kenny was still at Carl's house). "What just happened?" Brendon asked.

"I figure it would be best if we didn't ask," Dallon said, rolling up the windows.