Part Twelve: John Winchester: Loving Husband, Devoted Father:
"Papa?" Brendan had asked his apparent father, Sam standing right next to him as they both watch in amazement.
"Why yes! I'm Michael Sorenson."
"Sorenson is MY last name..." Brendan tells him. "That's because your mama never changed her last name back to her maiden name even after the divorce was final. She is SO obsessed with me" Michael happily explains.
"Then how come she's never talked about you?" Brendan asks, furrowing his brow.
"Why'd you even leave if you're so happy to see me?!" He raises his voice.
"We got married when we were sixteen, Brendan. After six months, I realized how much of a trash bag she was and decided to ditch her. We got divorced. Apparently after I got my sperm lost in her, you were in her belly. She never told me about you. I just found out about you this morning while eating iHop and minding my own business."
"Is that an iCarly episode?" Sam wonders.
"Uh oh. You're not his fraternal twin, are you?" Michael asks Sam worriedly.
"Oh. No. Don't worry. My Dad's an asshole." Sam assures him.
"Okay. Good. This your boyfriend?"
"Stalker!" Brendan yells.
"Heaven's sake, no! You're more erect than I was when I first witnessed Topanga at the age of twelve."
Brendan looks down at his hard on.
"Crap..."
Sam sighs dreamily. "Ah, Topanga."
"So where's your mother?" Michael asks.
"She burnt on the ceiling when I was six months old-" Sam begins to explain when Brendan interrupts "He was asking me, Sam-Wait...She burned on the ceiling?"
"My Dad taped her on the ceiling and set her on fire..." Sam explains.
"Oh my Lord, your Dad IS an asshole!" Michael exclaims.
"See?" Sam asks.
"I'm pretty sure Mom just died..." Brendan explains.
"O.M.Moses, ya sure?" Michael asks, setting his palms on his cheeks.
"I hope so" Brendan answers.
They look back at her body laying face first on the pavement, and decide to poke her butt with a long stick.
"Yeah...She's dead..." Sam states.
"Woohoo!" Brendan and Michael smile together.
"Like father like son" Sam mutters, shrugging. His phone rings.
"Hey Dean" he answers.
"Hey...Uh...You guys need to get to Lindsay's like...Right now..."
"Did Castiel bring Monica back to life?"
"Worse."
"Okay..."
He hangs up. "We gotta get to Lindsay's" he tells Brendan.
"My baby mama who's not my baby mama anymore? Alright" he answers.
"You have a baby mama?! I thought you were a fag!" Michael yells.
"I AM a fag" Brendan states casually.
"The faggiest" Sam adds. "What about you?" Michael asks him.
"I'm part fag" he explains. "Ah" Michael replies amusingly.
Michael drives Sam and Brendan to the Weaver house in his race car, accidentally crashing into the kitchen. Castiel, Dean, Brandey, Gerald, Susan, John, and Lindsay all stand there, flabbergasted. "Oops! Whoopsies" says Michael.
Castiel sighs, rolling his eyes and snapping his fingers. Michael, Sam and Brendan now stand in the kitchen, his race car sitting in the parking lot. The hole in the wall is repaired.
"Woah! That boy is on speed!" Michael yells, pointing to him. "I'm an angel" he states.
"Oh my Moses!"
"That's what I say" Susan pipes up.
"Who's this?" Dean asks. "This is my Dad Michael" Brendan tells them.
"He looks like a child molester" Lindsay points out.
"Thank you, I try" Michael smiles.
"Where's your Mom?" Dean asks.
"Dead, I think" Brendan answers, grinning.
"My Mom is also dead" Sam states.
They ignore him. "So what's the big news?" Brendan asks them.
"Lindsay and John are dating" Susan answers. "I thought his name was Winchester Dad!" Lindsay exclaims. "See?! She can't even remember his real name and they think it's a good idea for them to date?!" Brandey shouts. "Imma slap the stupid right outta ya!" She yells to Lindsay.
In the midst of the sisters trying to wrestle each other, Sam passes out.
They all gasp, except for John who smiles.
"Sam?!" Brendan yells, kneeling down next to him and trying to slap him awake.
"So your ex baby mama is dating your boyfriend's father?! This is the twilight zone!!" Michael yells to him.
"I'll slap him awake," John suggests. "No you won't!!!" They all yell to him.
Sam wakes up five minutes later, still on the floor, in a daze.
He slowly notices Lindsay looking down at him, before screaming "GAH!!!" And trying to attack her. She screams. "Sam! Stop it! That's my job!" Brandey scolds, pushing him away.
"Sam, I know it's a lot to take in, but I love your father" Lindsay tells him gently.
"And I love her money-I-I-Mean her..." John says.
"Oh, I wanna send him to Easter island so badly" Castiel grumbles.
"Your relationship is illegal!" Dean yells to Lindsay and John.
"It's only illegal if we do the nasty. I mean, WHEN we do the nasty" Lindsay smiles, looking at John and smirking.
"Go fuck someone your own size" he tells her. "I already did!" She looks at Brendan.
"Brendan, are you sure Lindsay didn't turn you gay? I mean, none of us would be surprised since well...She's Lindsay..." John tells him.
"Hey!" She yells in offense.
"She didn't turn me gay, but I'm pretty sure she turned me MORE gay" Brendan says.
"You DO seem like a despicable girl" Michael tells her.
"Screw you, father of my ex baby daddy!"
"Come on Lindsay. Let's get me some more beer" John says, holding her hand.
Castiel growls like a dog.
"What, mutt?" John asks.
"RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF!" Castiel shouts, attacking him. "Castiel! You freak!" Lindsay screams.
"Castiel can I talk to you for a second?" Dean asks frantically, pulling him into the bathroom and closing the door. He locks it behind him.
"I like where this is going" Castiel smiles.
"No, you freak. I want to talk to you. Listen...It's obvious you're into Lindsay."
"Whaaat? Noooo..." Cas blushes, getting a woodie.
Dean stares at him. "Anyways, I get why you hate my Dad now. We all do."
"I've always hated your Dad" Cas states.
Dean nods. "Anyway, I'm going to do something I'd never thought I'd hear myself say...I'm going...To help...You..."
Cas gasps and smiles, folding his hands together. "Really?! Oh, Dean, thank you! How?"
"Castiel...I'm...Going to...I'm going to PRETEND...To be your boyfriend." Dean tries not to gag. "But what about Brandey?"
"I'll let her in on the plan...But...Cas, we're gonna fake it harder than Karma and Amy."
Castiel happily gasps.
"PRETEND. A.k.a NOT REAL, NOT CANON in the slightest. I still think you're a freak. Like, a major freak. But the point of this plan is to get you with Lindsay, and to break her and my Dad apart. Mostly to break her and my Dad apart. You DO still like Lindsay and NOT me, right?" Dean asks.
"Yuh-huh. I wouldn't say I'm entirely over you yet, but Lindsay...She's the sun to my darkness. The peanut butter to my jelly. The Topanga to my Cory-"
"I get it" Dean snaps. "So...What's the plan?" Cas asks him. "To create a plan" Dean answers.
He watches Cas grin mischievously.
"What are you thinking...?" He asks suspiciously.
"So...You found out about Brendan just this morning?" Susan asks Michael, standing in the other room with everyone else.
"Yup. I was eatin' iHop."
"Ooh! I love their pancakes" Lindsay smiles.
"Quiet, slut" Brandey snaps.
"I wish I never found out about Sam" John says. "Well you did. And he grew up to be a great person without you having to raise him. Actually, I'm glad you didn't raise him. He would've turned him into an asshole like you." Brendan lashes out at him.
The hypothetical live audience 'awww's' and 'oooh's'. He and Sam smile at each other. Susan wipes happy tears.
They suddenly hear Dean and Cas supposedly banging in the bathroom, which is actually just an adult video playing from Dean's phone, that is slightly turning Cas on.
"Are you hard again...?"
"Shut up!"
Everyone in the kitchen gasps. "Oh my God...Castiel paid Dean to have sex with him..." Sam figures. "I mean, that HAS to be the only option" says Lindsay.
"The fuck?!" Brandey yells, stomping over to the bathroom and pounding on the door with her fist.
Dean pauses the video. They open the door and drag her inside. Slamming it behind them, Michael asks "Who else thinks they're gonna have a threesome?"
Everyone else raises their hands.
"The fucking shit is going on?!" Brandey shout whispers to Dean and Cas in the bathroom, noticing they weren't actually having sex.
"Cas likes Lindsay. So we're gonna pretend to date to make her jealous" Dean explains in a whisper. "So you have to pretend to be okay with it" Cas adds.
"You're into my sister? Thank GOD. I mean, yeah you're a freak but it's better than her dating my boyfriend's DAD" Brandey responds.
"I know, right?" Dean asks. "Plus, they'd have a half angel half human baby!" He beams, before adding "Almost like Twilight!"
They walk outside into the kitchen, Cas holding Dean's hand.
Dean tries not to cringe.
"Dean and I are dating now..." Cas forces a smile.
Lindsay frowns. "Is this a try not to cringe challenge?" She asks. "Nope...They are in love...And I am totally okay with it..." Brandey grits her teeth, forcing a smile as well.
"BOTH of my kids are fags? Dammit!" John cries. "THAT'S IT!" Brendan shouts, tackling him to the ground. Everyone except Lindsay who yells "GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!!!" cheers Brendan on.
John punches Brendan straight in the face, making Sam shout "DAD!" And pull Brendan off of him. "You okay?!" He asks Brendan.
"Not really..."
Sam sighs, bringing him over to the sink and wetting a wash cloth, holding it on the wounded part of Brendan's face.
"Oh, quit acting like he's dying. I hit both you AND Dean countless times when you guys were younger; you didn't bat an eye."
"You what?!" The brothers asks together. Cas walks over to John, and kicks him hard in the nuts.
"AAHHH!" John screams, dropping to the ground on his knees.
He makes strange whale like sounding noises, whispering "I'm dying..." Before making another whale sound, and falling over onto the ground.
"Yeah...And I'M being overdramatic..." Brendan says blandly.
John is now passed out, having Dean to whisper "Let's throw him out on the lawn."
Everyone else but Lindsay tosses him in the trash can, which sits in front of the curb.
"He's finally where he belongs..." Says Dean.
"If this is where my boyfriend is going to live, then I shall stay with him!" Lindsay screams, running over and hugging the trash can where John is stuffed inside.
They all blankly stare at her.
The garbage truck slowly drives up, picking the trash can up and pouring the trash inside, which includes John.
As it drives away, Lindsay shouts "WAIT!!!" Running after it.
"Some ex baby mama you have" Michael mutters to Brendan. "Tell me about it..."
"So Brandey:" Sam turns to her.
"Mm hm?" She asks, attempting to sound nonchalant, crossing her arms and keeping her lips pressed together in a tight line.
"You're...Okay with Dean and Castiel's sudden relationship?"
"Yuh-huh bye..." She walks away to the local smoothie king, to sip away her stress.
Gerald, Susan, Sam, Brendan, and Michael all stare at Dean and Castiel.
"What...? Dean and I are in a...Healthy relationship..." Cas decides to say. He looks at him. "Right...Honey bunch...?"
"Sure..." They hold hands again.
Sam raises his eyebrows. "Okay, well, I'll be inside..." Sam says unsurely, his brow furrowed in confusion.
He enters the kitchen inside the house.
Michael decides to follow him. "Y'all alright?" He asks, noticing Sam's staring out the window, with his elbows rested on the sink.
"Isn't 'ya'll' plural?" Sam asks, looking at him.
"Yeah, but I just like calling everyone ya'll..."
"Okay...Um, if you're highly southern-not that there's anything wrong with that-how come Brendan isn't?" Sam asks him.
"He got his mother's awful non-southern genes."
"Oh..."
"I just wanted to thank you for protecting Brendan. You seem to care about him very much."
Sam nods. "I do..."
"I wish I knew about him after Sheila got pregnant with him. I don't know why she thought it would be a good idea to keep him a secret, when clearly SHE'S the unstable one."
Sam nods again.
"I promise I'm not lying when I say I only just found out about him. I was at iHop."
"We all know that by now, sir..."
"I know. I just love talking about iHop" he says, before grumbling in pleasure. "Mm. I swear sometimes I just wanna take those delicious pancakes of theirs and make sweet love-"
Sam stares at him, cringing.
"Anyways...My sister messaged me online saying she ran into Sheila at the grocery store the night before, and Sheila had told her about Brendan after they started talking, not knowing she's my sister."
"Wow..." Is all Sam can say.
"How long have you been involved in my son's life? I can assure you it's been much longer than me," he chuckles.
"Not that long, honestly. But I've felt like I've known him forever..." Sam admits.
Michael nods. "Well I'm hecka glad that you two can protect each other."
"So...What, you giving me your blessing or something?" Sam forces a chuckle.
"It's not my business to give. Actually, I'm asking you for mine. You seem to know what's best for my son. You clearly know him better than me." Michael explains.
"Well you got mine," says Sam.
"But you being in his life is up to Brendan, honestly."
Michael nods. "I know...You're a good kid, Sam. And I'm sorry about your father."
"It's fine. Dean's my brother. I got him. And Brendan, too."
Michael smiles.
They return outside to everyone else, who's standing around and talking about nature.
"What were you guys talking about?" Dean asks, after noticing him.
"Blessings" is all Sam can say. He looks at Brendan, the two of them giving each other big smiles.
"The Big Sean song? That's my jam!" Susan smiles, before starting to dance around.
"Fuck off, Susan." Gerald says under his breath.
"HEY!" They hear a familiar sounding woman shout.
They all look over at her, who stomps over in front of them. "What are YOU doing back here?!" She demands to Michael. "How'd you find out about him?!" She continues to interrogate.
Brendan's mouth drops open. "Mom?!"
"I'm not dead, motherfuckers!!!!"
