Part Sixteen: The Birds And The Bees:
Sam, Susan, and Brandey all storm through the door of the Weaver house, panting and out of breath. Susan slams the door shut.
Brendan, Dean, Lindsay and Castiel all grow alert. "Sammy!" Brendan yells, running over and squeezing him tight. "I'm here" Sam informs, sounding muffled as he buries his face in Brendan's shoulder.
"BRANDEY!!! YAYYYYY!!!" Dean smiles. He runs over to her, picks her up and spins her around. She loudly giggles. Castiel awkwardly looks at Lindsay. "This could be us but you playin'" he mutters. "What?" She frowns.
"Never mind."
"Did Dad bring you over?" Dean asks Sam, setting down Brandey. "No." Sam let's go of Brendan. "I never called him. Susan bought Brandey and I over. We escaped." He explains.
"Oh. Oops. Well I kinda bribed him with beer to go and get you..." Dean tells him awkwardly. They all just casually shrug. Castiel randomly throws up in the sink. "You okay Cas? Ya sick?" Sam asks him, not knowing he's pregnant.
"Uh..." Lindsay trails off. "What?" Sam wonders.
"I, am pregnant!" Cas smiles to Sam, pointing to his belly.
"Ummm...What?" Sam asks, not knowing how to react.
"Yup. And I'm the mama" Lindsay smiles.
Sam becomes dizzy, and almost passes out. Brendan has to keep him from falling over.
"Cas, are you sure you're not just really confused?" Sam asks.
"Apparently in the angel world it's the GUY who gets pregnant" Dean explains.
"Oh...That's...Interesting..." Is all Sam can say. "Uh...Are you sure you guys are really committed to this?"
"I know I am!" Cas smiles.
"Whatever." Is all Lindsay replies, beginning to text on her phone. Sam's face falls flat. "Oh dear God..." He says under his breath, rolling his eyes.
John walks in, with Chad by his side.
After everyone notices, Dean asks "Dad, you DO remember what Sam LOOKS like, right?"
"It's Chad!" Brandey explains. "Stay away from me!!!" Sam screams, running up to the room he and Brandey share. Brendan squints, looking at Chad. "What'd you do to Sammy?!" He demands. "He just tried flirting with him. He's the mental hospital stud" Brandey explains blandly.
"What?!" Brendan asks.
"Ah; so YOU'RE the 'normal' boyfriend" Chad says to Brendan.
"I am NOT normal!" He protests angrily.
"Dad, why'd you even BRING him here?!" Dean asks.
"When I went to get Sam, he wasn't there. But this guy was, and convinced me to take him. So I did."
"How'd you get him out so easily?!" Brandey asks. "That receptionist is hard to settle with."
"This one was really chilled out and had no idea what she was doing" John tells her. "Dammit" she whispers. "So can I stay here?" Chad asks. "No!" Everyone but John screams.
"You people are HEARTLESS. This poor boy has-what do you have?" John asks Chad, looking at him. "OCD. But I'm on meds." Chad explains. "Then what were you doing in a psych ward?" Lindsay asks.
"I needed to get away from my family SOMEHOW."
"Why do you have to get away from them?" Brendan asks. "Well, you see normal boy, they're a bunch of assholes. They kicked me out for being gay."
"Oh I'm sorry-"
"Well, they actually kicked me out because I'm 'annoying' and 'uneducated', but I thought gay would be more pitying." Chad interrupts.
They stare at him.
"I'm gonna go check on Sammy" Brendan says, walking upstairs to find him. He spots him in the room he and Brandey share. He enters.
"You alright?" He asks. "Yeah. Chad's just...Very interested in me, for some reason."
"Do you blame him? You're a good guy."
"We haven't even spoken before he started hitting on me."
"Oh. Well, he probably has a tall fetish."
"That's a thing?"
Chad smiles "knock knock!" Before walking into the room. Sam and Brendan look at him. "What do you want?" Sam asks.
"The nice lady Susan says I can stay with you guys until I get back on my feet."
They roll their eyes.
"She said I can share a room with you, and Brandey." He looks at Sam.
"Nope. Not happening. You can stay with Dean and Lindsay." Sam bluntly snaps.
"WHAAAAAAAA-!" Chad cries out hideously due to Sam's rudeness, making he and Brendan cover their ears. "Okay! Fine! But sleep as far away from me as possible." Sam has no choice but to give in. "Yayyyyy" Chad smiles, setting up a sleeping bag for himself in the corner of the room. "Um, maybe I should stay the night..." Brendan nervously suggests. "Brendan, I'll be fine." Sam quietly assures, squeezing his hand. "Okay. I'm glad you're back" Brendan smiles. "Me too. I'll see you later tonight?" Sam asks. "Yeah. See ya."
"Can I join? We can play twister!" Chad smiles, now building himself a fort out of blankets and pillows. "No."
Sam kisses Brendan's cheek, before watching him leave.
"Wanna help me build my fort?" Chad smiles to him. Sam sighs. "Fine. Why not."
He begins helping him.
"Why don't you like me?" Chad asks, flashing a pouty face. "I have a boyfriend."
"Liar!" Chad screams. "Excuse me?"
"GET OUT!!!" Chad yells, flicking Sam with a blanket. Sam does as told, closing the door behind him. "I think Chad has more than OCD" he tells everyone, reentering the kitchen. They mutter in agreement. "What's he doing?" Lindsay asks. "Building a blanket fort."
Dean gasps. "Ooh!" He grins. "I wanna help!" He sprints upstairs, into the room Chad's occupied in.
"Dean-!" Brandey yells, but Sam interrupts "Just wait for it..."
"LIAR!!!" Chad shouts to Dean, before Dean screams and runs back downstairs.
"What the hell?" Lindsay asks. "He's probably lonely because SOMEBODY-" John glares at Sam. "Turned him down!"
"I have a boyfriend, Dad!"
"YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD BE CHAD" John roars, almost making Sam fall over.
"Well then we'll make Chad un-lonely!" Brandey suggests. "How?" Dean asks. "We'll get him a boyfriend!" Brandey smiles. "It shouldn't be that hard."
"Who would wanna go out with HIM?! No offense." Says Lindsay.
They look over at Castiel, who's picking his nose and sipping iced tea through a straw. "Ahh" he breathes out, finishing his drink and throwing the glass cup out a window.
"What?" He asks, after noticing everyone staring at him.
"Castiel? Chad seems like a nice guy, right?" Sam asks. "FOOTBALL!!!" They hear Chad shout upstairs, before hearing a huge crash. "Ouch...!"
"I guess..." Says Cas. "So why don't you guys go out? I think you two would make an AMAZING couple. Think about it! A pansexual angel, an OCD queer..." Dean positively trails off.
"But I'm already pregnant with Lindsay's baby!" Cas cries.
"Well then abort the little shit!" Lindsay screams. Castiel gasps. "Lindsay! How DARE you be so cruel!"
Sam frowns. "I KNEW you wouldn't be able to handle this." He tells her with squinted eyes.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" She asks, putting her hands on her hips.
"You barely cared about your OLD baby!" He protests. "I LOVED my old baby!"
"Then why not THIS one?"
"Because; I'M not PREGNANT. I loved Monica before she was born, due to having a personal connection with her BECAUSE I was PREGNANT with her! I'm not pregnant with THIS one." She explains.
"That's stupid." Brandey says.
"YOU'RE stupid!" Lindsay screams back. "Girls, enough." Says Susan. "Lindsay, I am GOING to have this baby!" Castiel commands. "I won't be surprised when it FLIES AWAY from you!" She insults.
"Hey! Angel babies can't start flying until they're six to seven months old!" He defends. "Whatever! I will NOT be involved with this" she says, about to walk out of the house.
"Lindsay, how would YOU feel if Brendan never decided to be involved with MONICA?" Sam grills, crossing his arms flashing a bitch face. "Ah, the classic bitch face" Dean smiles quietly.
"She's doing JUST FINE without him."
"She's DEAD!"
Lindsay awkwardly stares at them, before running out of the house.
"Lindsay-!" Dean screams, before groaning angrily. "Fucking white people" Brandey whispers.
Castiel whimpers in shame. "Aw, Cas, don't worry. We'll help you raise your baby together!" Dean smiles.
"Really?"
"Uhhhh...We'll try...!"
"Good grief." Sam comments.
Later that night, Sam and Brendan return to Brendan's house, from walking Quackles around the neighborhood. "QUACK QUACK" he blabs, as Brendan takes his leash off of him. "Well that's your OWN fault!" Brendan protests to him. "You can understand him?" Sam whispers.
"After a little while you begin to pick up what he's trying to say," Brendan whispers back.
"Interesting."
Quackles waddles into the kitchen. "Don't finish all the shrek themed peanut butter!" Brendan yells out.
They hear the pantry open. "QUACKLES!" Brendan shouts, before huffing in anger. "Hey boys!" Michael smiles, walking into the room. "How was walking Quackles?"
"He tried to eat a little girl" Brendan answers.
"AGAIN? Sweet Lord" Michael mutters, before asking "you see any hot chicks?"
"Dad I'm gay."
"Not for YOU, ya dumb moronic teenager. For QUACKLES. He should really settle down and get himself a wife."
"Dad he's a duck."
"You see any hot ladies?"
"Dad, I'm gay! I jerked off to Sam's yearbook picture TWO TIMES today" Brendan informs. "You what?" Sam asks.
"Not for YOU, for ME. I'd like to start dating" Michael admits.
"Um...We're gonna go upstairs now..." Brendan says, feeling uncomfortably awkward by the change of subject.
"Wait! Do ya think I should sign up for farmersonly.com?!" Michael yells out.
The door slams in response.
Now sitting on the floor in Brendan's new room, above his Uranus poster, Sam leans on his shoulder.
"Do you think you'd be able to stay the night?" Brendan asks, running his fingers over Sam's right palm.
"I HIGHLY doubt your Dad will allow that."
"Eh, he'll be too busy signing up for farmersonly.com to notice." Brendan says.
"Isn't your Dad a mechanic?"
"Well there's no dating sites for mechanics."
"There probably is. There's dating sites for everything nowadays. One time I came across one specially for iCarly fans...Not that I was looking for a site like that."
Brendan shrugs. "Why are you so set on me staying the night?" Sam asks, looking at him. "Because I...Want you to spend the night..." Is all Brendan can come up with.
"Is this about Chad...?" Brendan asks suspiciously.
"Whaaat? Noooo..."
"Quit worrying about him. I'll just sleep on the couch or something."
"But what if he tries to canoodle with you?!" Brendan asks fearfully.
"What IS canoodling? Something to do with food?" Sam wonders.
"This" Brendan smiles, before leaning over and kissing him. Sam smiles, before kissing him back and wrapping his arms around him. He instantly gets an erection, backing away and standing up. Brendan opens his eyes and looks at him.
"Sorry..." Sam apologizes, his face flushing.
"It's okay" Brendan smiles flirtatiously. "It's Latin."
"It's actually biology." Sam corrects.
"Oh...Well, either way, come here."
Brendan pulls him close, beginning to kiss him again. Sam's woody goes down, and pulls back. "Is that why you want me to sleepover? So you can get it on with me?" Sam asks.
"Me? A horny teenage boy? I would NEVER-" Brendan untruthfully starts, before a condom falls out of his pocket. "Uh...."
Sam gawks, frowning and standing up.
"Oh, come on!" Brendan yells, getting up, grabbing Sam by his arm and pulling him around, after Sam tries walking away.
"It's not like I would FORCE you to do anything. Just because my Dad LOOKS like a rapist, doesn't mean that I AM!" Brendan defends.
"I know..." Sam says, looking away. "It takes two to tango," Brendan furthers on.
They hear faded music coming from downstairs. They walk out of the room, and over to the hallway. They look down into the living room, where Michael and Quackles are both doing the tango together. There's a rose in Quackles mouth. "See?" Brendan asks. Sam sighs, and they walk back into Brendan's room. He closes the door, and Sam frowns.
"What?" Brendan asks, not seeing the big deal. Sam sighs again, walking over to the other side of the room. "I'm just not in the rush to do anything." He admits.
"You let me blow you on our date." Brendan reminds him blandly, with dead eyes.
"Yeah, for like, two seconds..."
"Because your DAD climbed through the window! You DEFIANTLY would've let me continue if we had no interruptions."
Knowing he's right, Sam ignores him and crosses his arms.
"Are you asexual? Like, having no sexual attraction towards anything?" Brendan asks. "No. I remember jerking off to Topanga while watching her on TV when I was-" he stops talking, noticing Brendan's giving him a weird look.
"Okay, well-"
There's a knock on the door. "Yeah Dad?" Brendan asks, walking over to the door and opening it. "What do you want Quackles" he asks, unamused once he sees that it's him. They quack, walking into the room.
"Quackles, we're kind of in the middle of something."
Quackles ignores them.
"You were saying?" Sam asks, looking at Brendan with his arms crossed.
"I was in the middle of saying I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable..." Brendan says. "It's fine. Just...Don't try stuff like that with me again. Okay?" Sam asks.
"Okay, geez" Brendan mutters.
"Excuse me?"
"You just keep acting like I wanna touch you in your sleep!"
"Well DO you?"
"I would wake you up first!"
They begin yelling at each other simultaneously, until Quackles starts choking. They look over, and see that he's choking on the condom that had fallen out of Brendan's pocket. "NO!!!" Brendan shouts, before Sam runs over and stops Quackles from choking. The condom flies out of Quackles mouth, and lands on the floor. After several seconds of silence, Brendan tells Sam "I think you should go."
"Excuse me? I just saved your ducks life, and you want me to LEAVE?!" Sam asks.
"I just want some space-"
"Space from WHAT?"
"YOU!"
"You know what Brendan? Fine. I need space from you too." Sam says, before scowling at him and walking out of the room. He slams the door behind him. It's quiet between Quackles and Brendan.
"Quack."
"I know I'm being unreasonable, Quackles! Don't rub it in!"
Sam angrily returns home, quietly closing the door behind him. It's eleven at night, and everyone else in asleep.
Everyone else except Chad.
"Hey Sam."
"Ah!" Sam yells, turning on the light and seeing Chad sitting on the floor all alone, near the kitchen counter.
"What do you want Chad?" He whispers.
"Brandey kicked me out 'cause I kept talking about bread in my sleep..."
"Oh..."
"You okay? You seem tense."
Sam sighs, sitting down next to him. "Brendan and I got into a big argument." He says.
"Ah. The normal B.F.?"
"Sure...?"
"It's okay Sam. I'll comfort you. He's just not right for you." Chad puts his hand on Sam's knee. Sam frowns, pushing his hand away.
"Chad, please stop."
Chad laughs. "Ah, I'm just kiddin'. I'm over your sorry ass. I have a crush on Castiel, now."
"Excuse me-? I-I mean that's great!" Sam forces a smile.
"I was just doing that to see if you'd give in. And do one of most deadly sins out there-cheat."
"I-I would never do that to Brendan...!"
"So what'd you guys argue about?"
"He got horny, I yelled at him, he started being understanding, I yelled at him some more, he yelled at me, and then I left." Sam sums it up.
"Sounds like it's all your fault." Chad says.
"Yeah. I know." Sam tells him glumly.
"You know what you gotta do, Sam?"
"Give him what he wants?"
"I was gonna say talk it out and have a healthy conversation about what happened-"
"You know what Chad? You're right! I'm gonna go seduce my boyfriend!" Sam smiles, standing up. "I didn't say that-!" Chad yells nervously and frantically, but Sam leaves the house anyway.
Chad sighs.
Castiel runs all the way downstairs, and throws up in the sink. "Are you okay?! Did you come down with something?!" Chad asks.
"I'm pregnant." Cas states, looking over at him.
Chad gasps. "You have a diagnosis too?!" He asks. "I'm an angel."
"You're not one of those 'otherkin' bitches, are you...?" Chad cringes. "We had a lot of those people in the mental hospital."
"No, I'm seriously an angel. They're real as fuck. But tell me about these otherkin people."
Castiel sits down next to him, and Chad tells him all about otherkin, while he sighs dreamily.
Brendan's front door is locked, so Sam has to climb through his bedroom window. He finds him alone in his pitch dark room, sleeping peacefully in his bed.
His peaceful sleep is not going to last for long.
Sam climbs into the bed next to him, poking his shoulder. "Hm?" Brendan asks, slowly awakening. "Wake up sexy" Sam whispers, starting to kiss his neck. "Sam?" Brendan asks, sitting up and taking out his night retainer. He sets it on his night side table. He pushes Sam off of him. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Giving you what you want."
Sam kisses him, and after a few seconds, Brendan pulls away. "Sam, don't force yourself into something you don't want to do. You're basically self raping yourself."
"What?"
"Never mind. Just, I know this isn't what you want. I don't mind waiting. You don't have to try and impress me."
"This is what I want" Sam lies to himself, kissing Brendan's neck again. "Sam, no." Brendan grunts, the two of them moving around in the bed as Brendan tries to push him away.
"QUAAAAACK!" Quackles screeches, jumping out from under the covers, near the edge of the bed. Sam stops attacking Brendan's neck with his lips, and they both scream.
Michael barges into the room. "Boys! No getting it on in front of the duck. It scars him." He leaves the room, slamming the door.
"You weren't kidding when you said he wouldn't mind if I spent the night..." Sam mutters, after a few moments of silence.
Brendan sighs. "Sam, you don't have to do this."
"Do YOU even want to?"
"I dunno. I didn't even have a wet dream yet. But I'm sorry. I was being stubborn earlier." Brendan apologizes.
"No you weren't. I was. I guess I just...Never really expected to be having such a serious relationship at sixteen. Dating can lead to sex, and...I just never thought I'd have to think about that stuff at this age."
Brendan only focuses on one thing out of Sam's entire explanation. "You think our relationship is serious?"
Sam blushes. "Yeah...Do you?"
"Yeah. Of course I do. And...I'd like to continue being serious, if that's what you want to do."
"Of course I do." Sam grins, and takes his hands. Brendan smiles back.
"I should go. Everyone's probably wondering where I am." Sam says, letting go of Brendan's hands and getting out of the bed.
"Okay. Stay safe." Brendan kisses his cheek. They smile. "Bye."
They kiss quickly, before Sam walks over to the window. As he climbs over, Quackles screams out "QUACK!" Making Sam fall out of the window and scream.
"Sammy!!" Brendan screams, running over and grabbing onto his wrist just in time.
He pulls him back into the room. "You okay?" He asks, seeing him stand up. "Yeah, uh...Maybe I should just stay here." Sam closes the window. "I'd enjoy that" Brendan smiles. "My Dad won't mind." He adds.
"Believe me I know."
After almost ten minutes of cuddling in Brendan's bed, with Brendan's head rested on Sam's chest, he notices Sam staring at him with eager eyes.
"You want me to blow you, don't you?"
This time it's Michael who interrupts them, before Sam can even completely pull down his pants.
"Boys, do you think I should put 'fresh and funky' in my farmers only bio, or 'cool and groovy'?" He asks, holding his laptop, when the boys scream and jump up. They look at him, while Sam zips up his pants.
"YOU'RE NOT EVEN A FARMER, DAD!!!"
