Linstead One Shots

All I Had (3x23)- Part 2

One step into the Voight home, and even a blind man could tell that everything was out of place. Dirty dishes bombarded the rusted sink. Beer cans and empty alcohol bottles covered most of the floor- the place was a mess. Jay was taken aback at how quickly everything had gone to shit for this undeserving family. Sure him and Voight didn't always see eye-to-eye, but Jay knew that this was different- that he had to support his father-in-law, even if he didn't want him to.

Jay could sense the tension in the room. He knew Voight was questioning his sudden appearance in his home. Jay managed to maneuver himself around the dirty clothes and empty beer cans, making his way over to the couch and sitting down. "I'm sorry if I...I mean if you want..." Jay struggled to find the right words. He quickly sucked in a breath of stale air between his teeth, gathering his thoughts and continuing his sentence. "I'm sorry...If you want me to go, I'll leave..." His thoughts were scattered as he announced his words. Jay received silence in return, that same emotionless look on his face that had been there ever since he found out Justin died.

"P{lease don't apologize. I know Erin's being hard on you." His voice sounded gruff in contrast to his appearance, which consisted of a stained sweatshirt and jeans- the exact same outfit that he had been wearing the day of the incident. "She locks herself in our room and cries...Ryan's always asking why and I just...I never know what to tell him..." Jay struggled to hold back the tears in his eyes that were quickly forming. Voight recognized the tears in Jay's eyes as cries of sorrow, and suddenly felt a glimmer of hope that his son-in-law knew how he felt at the moment. But he also noticed a hint of another emotion in the eyes that were carbon-copied to his grandson. An emotion that unsettled him.

Confusion.

Voight knew Jay had never seen him cry; in fact, only a handful of people in his life had. Erin, his late wife Camille, and Justin...

Just thinking of his name was enough to bring him to tears. As much as he hated crying in front of other people- especially his son in law- but he knew that he wouldn't be judged. He had been there for Jay when Erin was in the hospital those few times, now it was time for Jay to be there for Voight now that he needed him. Voight knew Jay would be understanding of the emotions held in his shed tears, but it still disturbed him that he saw confusion in Jay's eyes. Then again, Jay had no idea what it felt like to lose a son, so it was normal for him to feel confused.

"I just...The more I keep thinking about it, the more I wonder. Why would anybody do this to you? To us?" Jay's voice trembled as he allowed fresh tears to fall down his cheeks and replace the dry tear stains that were already covering it. "You know, its those exact kinds of thoughts that led me to become like...this." Voight gestured around the room to the empty beer cans which were scattered around the floor of his dark living room. "I know...but it's all I can think about at night, or when I'm alone. I keep finding myself wondering what we ever did to deserve this." Jay's voice was now void of emotion, and it unsettled Hank.

Sure, Voight knew that Jay knew how it felt to be weak and vulnerable- after all, he was the one who watched him cry himself to sleep those few times Erin was in the hospital- but he had never seen him like this. And the same went for Jay. It was safe to say at that moment, that Hank Voight was never going to be the same man again. That this drew the line for him, and he was finished.

Jay struggled to hold back tears as he watched his superior sob his heart and soul out, right there in that dark living room, while he attempted to comfort his father-in-law. "It will get better. I know you don't believe me now, but over time, it will. That pain goes away, Hank. Because no feeling is forever. I went through the same thing when I lost my mum," he didn't even bother to try and stop the warm tears that now ran down his face, "all I could do was cry. I was certain that I couldn't come back from that. That I was done, that my life was over. But look at where I am now, I've moved on. Sure, there will always be a scar on my heart from where my mum left her mark after she left the world, but it's healing. And Hank, your scar's will heal. It's just the beginning." He took a small break to allow himself to gather his thoughts.