30 Reasons Why I Love You

Chapter 10: Reason #21

Reason #21: You know when the words 'I love you' won't work

"I was 15 then. My life was nothing but a routine, a never-ending cycle. The only thing that made everything worthwhile was the sex I was getting. But even that felt like a cycle. I was tired of everthing. I came so close to ending it. Even my only friend couldn't help at all. Nothing and no one excited me anymore."

Slowly, I drew up my legs as I wrapped my arms around them while leaning forward and placing my head on top of my knees. I didn't expect it to be this hard. I mean, don't get me wrong. I wasn't going to tell everything but it didn't stop the wave of nausea washing over me. I felt sick, so sick of seeing that part of my life flash in my eyes.

"With Haru taking care of dad's business, I had no one else to confide in. No one was willing to just listen to me when we were alone. It always led to sex. I wouldn't blame them, though. I was the one that made them think I was horny 24/7." I huffed, cringing at the amount of sex I had. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't healthy for a normal 15-year old. Then again, I wasn't just any normal 15-year old.

"Then one day, I decided to just take a break. A break from the sex. The lies. And the loneliness. I went out to a spot deep in the school yard where no one could find me. I laid there for a few hours before I heard rustling behind me. Then, he appeared. I was suspicious and backed away immediately. He introduced himself as Kaoru. He was a student teacher at my school. All afternoon, we just spent it on talking. He didn't pressure me into sex and, just like I kept wishing, he listened to me. Just listened." I combed my hair with my hand, grabbing a few strands of my hair. I was tensing up. The story was really affecting me, my fists would unconciously clench up as tears fell slowly.

Why couldn't I have been as smart as I am now? Why didn't I met Rei then? We could have avoided this. 

I was surprised when I felt Rei take my hand that was holding my hair and kissed it. He kissed each knuckle before returning it on top of my knee. I couldn't help the small smile that was forming on my lips. He was silent as I told my story, not commenting on anything. Just patiently listening. 

"We became friends even after he stopped teaching in my school. He'd call me and we'd go out to have fun. It was five months later when I first realized I loved him. It wasn't a surprise. I was just waiting for me to realize that fact before confessing to him. And when I finally confessed, I never felt happier. God. I was so stupid. But I loved him so much. So much that no one but him could make love to me. And I was so happy." My voice faded as I tried to stop the tears from falling.

Rei shifted closer and leaned his head on my shoulder, wrapping his strong arms around me to assure me that I was here with him. He didn't touch my tears, though. He just let them flow as he looked at our hands that were intertwined, squeezing them ever so often. I was shaking from that small contact that he started to whisper sweet nothings. He kissed the shell of my ear as he continued whispering words of endearment, calming me down. What I did notice though was he never uttered the words 'I love you' like he usually did when I was upset. 

"Everything was fine for the next three months. Until he decided on a weekend trip. He was so excited that I couldn't say 'no'. So, we went to his uncle's house that was down south. Once we arrived, he served me a cup of tea and the next thing I knew was I was strapped to the bed, naked." I shuddered violently, keeping calm as I felt Rei still his breathing.

"He kept me there for 2 weeks before Haru found us and sent him to an institution or jail or whatever. It took two years just to return to my old self. I was destroyed." 

We kept quiet, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of soft snores and our breathing. 

"What did he do during those 2 weeks?" Rei asked stiffly. I could hear his loud breathing as he tried to calm down. I shook my head in response. We didn't need to open that door yet. 

"I'll tell you but not now. I'm not yet ready for you to see that part of me." I whispered softly, trembling as my voice cracked. I turned around and embraced him tightly. He responded by embracing me even tighter. I could tell he wanted to know. That he was dying to know what happened during that two weeks.

"Okay." He whispered in my ear lightly. "I just want to know one more thing." I pulled away slightly, looking up into his eyes as I clutched his shoulders. "Is he the one that's been terrorizing you?" 

Smiling sadly, I nodded. "He's a dangerous man, Rei. Really dangerous. Please, I'm begging you. Be careful."

He stared back at me, his face softening as he slowly placed his lips on mine. In a low voice, he muttered: "Okay."

Slowly, he pushed me to lie on the bed as he hovered over me. Our embrace never breaking like our stare. His eyes slowly changed in color, his eyes a darker blue. Instantly, our lips met in a hungry kiss. His tongue slowly sliding in my mouth, licking my bottom lip in the process. His tongue coaxing mine to enter his hot mouth. I nipped his bottom lip slightly before pulling away for a breath of air.

"Rei, hurry."