30 Reasons Why I Love You

Chapter 18: Reason #13

Reason #13: I find it funny that I associate the colors 'yellow' and 'blue' to you 

When I woke up from my peaceful rest, I remember seeing a face I thought I had forgotten. His once handsome, playful face aged with worry lines, a beard on its starting stages and blood-red eyes. Yes, I couldn't mistake the man I had grown up with, the man I relied on when I was young, and the man who had to choose between a 'comfortable life' and 'lifelong poverty' all for my sake.

Haru.

My eyes started to gather water, releasing drops here and there as I tried to smile. 'Tried' is the keyword here, the scratches on my face had formed scabs that tightened the skin on my face. That and it's been a while since I had smiled.

'Jin, you okay?' Haru whispered in a voice he had used on me when I was 10. It was soft, kind and gentle that made me feel like I was made of glass. He brushed the hair covering my eyes, looking at my face like he used to do before all the drama happened. 

I nodded slightly, looking into his black pools lovingly. This was my brother and he came for me, rescued me from my own death in the hands of the man I thought I once loved.I brought my hand up and held his tightly, clutching it like how a child would with his mother. You can't blame me, he was the only motherly figure I had ever known and I loved him so.

He slowly stood up, releasing my hand as he walked over to his vibrating phone that was on the table on the other side of my bed. I followed him, my eyes studying the man who rescued me. I opened my mouth, intent on thanking him for coming to my rescue.

What? 

Nothing is coming out, not a sound, just breaths of agitated air. I clutched my throat, pushing harder for a sound, anything close to my name. 

My eyes filled up, tears escaping the wall as I tried to make a noise and all that came was a groan. I looked at Haru frantically, still gripping my throat as he hurried over. When I saw his little notebook and pen he always kept in his shirt pocket, I immediately grabbed it. Scribbling down the words that wouldn't come out of my lips no matter how much I tried to shove them out:

'My voice is gone'

Haru's eyes widened, his hand immediately going to the button sitting behind my bed. He stood up and paced the room, his brows furrowed as he combed a frustrated hand on his head. The doctor arrived quickly and Haru explained the problem.

It took 15 minutes of checking my throat and the chart on my bed before he spoke again. He told us that it was a psychological thing, something in my mind was blocking my mouth. It could have been the fear, the trauma or anything related to the incident that could have triggered this effect on me. My body trembled as I dumbly stared at Haru, he was speechless for a while before his eyes turned cold. 

Leaving, the doctor recommended a few pshychiatrists that had a lot under their belt. He said they were the best in the business and that they could handle a trouble child. My brother glared at him, his dark pools turning ominous as the other man quickly left us alone. Haru looked down at me, his face blank but his eyes speaking volumes.

I reached for the pen that had escaped my fingers, the paper right next to it while I scribbled two words that has been playing in my head:

'Help me' 

I had stayed in the hospital for six weeks, a psychiatrist had been given to me by that time. He was a pudgy old man, kind and gentle, his voice soothing to the ears. He had a lot of stories to tell, questions that tried to coax me into a reply. 

It was hopeless. It took three years just to get me into a decent conversation that didn't include a 'yes' or 'no' question. By that time, I had returned to my old lifestyle of sex and indifference. I stopped trusting, stopped caring and stopped feeling. I was just a shell of man, nothing more. I thought I would live forever like this, tormented by nightmares and loneliness.

Until you came along.

Falling in love at first sight, breaking all my bad habits just because it didn't feel right. I fell in love with you, your hair as yellow as the sun and eyes as blue as the ocean. Everything fell into place after that. You got me pregnant, you married me and you never faltered to tell me you loved me. I gave birth to your children, you promised to keep us happy and never leave us. 

I knew of happiness, of love.

And now, I'm about to reunite with feelings of the past. 

Fear.

Helplessness.

Despair.

I hope I live through this.

"Jin, baby. Wake up!" I grunted in pain as I felt a surge of pain running from my stomach. My eyes shot open and I found myself staring into a pair of unfamiliar grey eyes. 

What the-

"Kaoru!" I yelled out, squirming under the smirking face. That's right, I was at home, drinking tea with Tora. Now, I'm here with the psycho.

"Took you enough time to recognize me. Like my new face?" He smiled, turning his head from side to side. I gritted my teeth, this couldn't be happening. How?! How did this bastard get under our skin?

"I'm a mastermind, baby. The bodyguard appointed to you proved to be nothing." He walked to a nearby window, maybe checking if someone had followed him. I tried to get up while he was far but found myself in the same position five years ago, arms and legs tied against the bed's posts.

The chains rattled as I immediately looked down on my body. I felt the same shiver go up and down my spine at the realization I had no clothes on. Again.

Not again. Please.

Please.

Help me.