30 Reasons Why I Love You

Chapter 28: Reason #3

Reason #3: I sleep well at night knowing the key to my heart is safe with you 

Vulnerable.

If I were to describe myself right now, I'd say vulnerable. My body tired and heavy, eyes the same feeling. My emotions left in a wild rut as I try to contain them. The feeling of anger and panic dissipating to the air, mixing with the smell of blood sweat. 

Honestly, it's a wonder how I haven't passed out from all this. It was tempting, though. And I did feel the signs of losing consciousness, but I figured passing out wouldn't help anything. I owed it to myself to make sure I'll be safe before I fall over from exhaustion.

"-ve the babies. He said he'll bring them over once you've settled in."

Oh, yeah. I was talking to Rei, right? What were we talking about?

I stared out into the bright sky, the sun's rays spreading out quickly and destroying any signs of darkness. The warmth from the sun caressing my skin, assuring me I am alive and well.

"Jin, baby? You still there?" Rei called softly, his worry lacing his words.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here. Just fighting the urge to lose consciousness, you know." A small chuckle rang my ears, a tired smile gracing my lips.

"Don't worry. We're on our way, baby. Just stay with me, okay. Stay with me."

A sob was heard and I couldn't figure out if it was from me or Rei. We were both tired and wanted to be in each other's arms. Well, I needed to be in his arms. Even the sun's warmth couldn't quench the cold seeping under my skin. 

"Rei, I want to go on a vacation. You know, the four of us. Just far away from here."

"Yeah? Sure, the kids would love it. Did you have any place in mind?"

"Nope, not yet. But, I want to leave ASAP." I wrapped my free arm on my body, clutching my skin tightly as I creathed in fresh air. 

Looking outside, I figured the cabin was just a few miles outside the city. A location where there were many trees serving as its wall of defense. It looked like a subdivision under construction or something. Maybe a park like the Yogi bear I used to watch as a kid.

I'd love to bring Shun and Shin here. Let them embrace nature and appreciate their surroundings. And I also know Rei would love it. Kissing, swimming in the nearby lake or making love under the stars would spice things up and make me forget that I just ended another human being's life.

"-ver. You kno-"

"Rei, I want to go to Fiji or somewhere like that." Though nature parks were a great idea, I don't think Rei would like a constant reminder of what happened to me. Until the both of us are ready, we'll postpone that trip.

"Yeah, Fiji, Hawaii. Like that, huh? Not bad. We need the break so we'll go once everything's settled. I'll take a leave of absence and we'll go wherever you want to go."

"Great." A breath of relief leaked from my lips, my eyes slowly shutting as I relaxed. "Thank you, Rei."

"Anything for you, baby. I'll do anything to make you happy and if a vacation out there will do the trick, then I won't stand in your way."

The sound of tires screeching on dirt exploded in the quiet forest. People yelling my name brought tears to my eyes. Especially one familiar voice.

"See you later, Rei."

Rei hummed in response before the line went dead. It was a good thing my phone didn't die on me during the call. It gave me a sense of relief and happiness knowing that I could talk to the one person I needed the most.

"Jin! Jin! Where are you?!" Haru's yell pushed my legs to carry my body, my feet itching to walk to the sound of Haru.

Slow steps through the trees made the sound louder, the sheet wrapped around my waist swaying from the slight breeze. I would have covered up if I had the energy to care but everything was focused on getting to Haru. I knew Rei was somewhere with them; although, I haven't heard his voice yet.

"Jin!" A surge of warmth enveloped my body, the sense of security wrapping me in a blanket. 

"Haru, you came." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Haru's lean body. He was built like a model unlike Rei who was an athlete. It made me happy to know that five years later, Haru would still come running to me and hugging me like I was the most precious thing in the world.

"I'm here. I'm right here, Jin. It's all right. Everything's all right now. You can sleep and when you wake up, Rei and the kids will be greeting you while I fix this mess." A strong arm reached behind my knees while another supported my back. My vision slowly blackening as I relaxed my head on Haru's chest, his erratic heartbeat calming me down.

"Good night, Haru."

A sea of black surrounded me. The silence healing all the wounds I received. I knew at that moment everything would be alright. The realization hitting me head-on and that was that my environment reminded me of an incubator.

The false warmth that ensured your relaxation as your body slowly healed its wounds. The confinement convinvcing me that I was unreachable, surrounded by a wall that was impenetrable.

Sleep has never been this good. A blank dream, nothing to haunt me or remind me of how I was a monster in diffirent ways. The only thing that could make everything feel better would be the sight of my children. Their tiny hands touching me, feeling the familiar skin they associated with the word 'mother'. 

I want to see them. 

"-un, don't be noisy. Mom's sleeping." 

An irritating beeping sound invaded my ears, my eyes straining against the light. It took a while but I was able to regain my sight and look for the source of the noises I heard.

A heart monitor, white ceiling and IV drop. I'm at the hospital. Haru must have gotten me here.

"Shin, daddy'll play with you later after I get your big brother to stop crying, okay?"

I parted my lips, ready to call out Rei's name when nothing came out. No sound, no groan, no grunt. Just silence. Rei had his back to me as a tiny head laid over his shoulder, crying like there was no tomorrow.

I tried raising my hand to tap the table next to me but it proved to be difficult when the surge of pain came rushing in. A hiss of pain caught Rei's attention and he whirled around to stare at my face. I couldn't help the frown that marred my lips. 

Rei had looked like he hadn't slept the night. His eyes red and puffy, mostly from crying, I think. His skin pale as a tired smile was plastered on his face. Quietly, he took Shin in his arms and brought the twins to my bed, his eyes never leaving my own.

"Good morning, beautiful."