The Lightning Awards [FINALIZED]

[Entries] Hasta La Vista Baby

The following entries correspond to the former category of Love is in the Air and It's Sweet.

If you have any questions or complaints about how I graded your writing, comment below and we will clear up whatever misunderstanding that whichever one of us has had. Just remember to tag my username, , so that I can get back to you through my private account.

I am open for the option of wanting your critique to be removed to a private setting, although your grade and basic entry info (username-summary) will still be public.

Yes I do change scores if I end up thinking that a certain entry deserves more points. Reasons behind those could be that I discover the fact that the author is an amateur and does not want their story to be judged so hard, or that I messed up because I did not do my research (which actually happened to an entry). No scores will be changed if I have not been contacted through the comment section below.

My given scores will always be fair, even though I may state what I disliked about the story. On the same note, just because I like your story does not mean that I will be extra generous on points. I will state again, and swear on the OTP (GenSaku) I've pledged upon, that all the number scores that I give are fair.

-C.C. Lyn

Entry #1

Review by SoarLikeTheWind

Username: CityOfFragments

Title: Beautiful Monster

Summary:

Beautiful monster~ you may think you know someone, but really they could be something else in disguise.

One teen will have to keep his wits about him and possibly even risk his own life for someone he barely knows- all for the sake of what? Friendship? Love? The truth? And when he becomes a part of something bigger how will he face his fears and fight for what's right?

>Title: (5/5) "Beautiful Monster" is eye catching and sets a nice atmosphere for the story. As I read on, however, the poetic wonder of it seems to slightly be lost as I learned what the "beautiful monster" was.

>Summary: (8/10) You might want to watch out for the formatting of the first line, as it currently looks highly unprofessional. Your summary has to be the best because that's the second thing that people see after the title makes them click in. Your first sentence is slightly awkward, and a comma is needed after the word "bigger" in the last sentence of the first paragraph. Your hyphens should also be exchanged for dashes.

>Plot: (23/25) IS THAT TSUNATACHI I SEE? *insert heart eyes emoji* Okay, I'll get serious now. You know, I'm getting a strong sense of Dawn in this; perhaps it's just the fact that both are situated in similar AU environments with Nagumo in a main role XD. Originally I had thought that the monster referred to Nagumo as he's the main character, but as I get to chapter four, I'm starting to think that it's Suzuno. He certainly fits the image better than Nagumo. The plot is mundane compared to what I'm used to seeing, but it's a refreshing change of scenery. But all of a sudden, DANG THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY (chapter five). I'm not going to say much as I don't want to give any spoilers, but the plot is seriously great. Let's just say that when you said monster, I thought you meant the darkness of man's heart, but turns out you meant it literally. It went from being satisfactory to edge-of-my-chair suspense.

>Characterization: (16/20) Suzuno was a little too cool for me in the beginning. Nagumo, way too chill and not haughty enough. However, you did remain constant with them (especially Nagumo), and we all have our own portrayals of the characters. Thank god they weren't blundering and blushing super early in the story. I actually think that their actions are pretty natural; the only thing slightly stretching the line is when Nagumo can't seem to hate Suzuno, but it fits well with his personality in this story. I think you have a good chance of scoring higher if you had entered this piece in Don't Judge a Character by Their Canon.