The Lightning Awards [FINALIZED]

[Entries] Simple is Best

Critiques of this category are shared between kakophony, and your truly ArimaMary.

Entry #1

Username: SoarLikeTheWind

Title: Horns Behind Halos

Summary: "Who are you? And where am I?"

"You're in heaven dear, though I had thought you would have ended up in hell, being Satan's spawn and all. As for who I am, can't you guess? Don't I look like someone you know?"

"Oh yeah! You look like that guy who tried to beat me and my brother up but ended up being a beating target by his girlfriend and a meatshield for his father!"

"...Kiyama Hiroto, I swear, if this is the impression that you give everyone, then I will make sure your life's a hell when you come to heaven."

"..."

+ + +

In which a dead boy talks with another dead boy in heaven to help him find comfort, only to have himself discover the true meaning of love and friendship along the way. Kira x Atsuya friendship fic.

C.C. Lyn © 2016

Review by kakophony

Title (5/5): I think the title is excellent and inventive. It definitely picked up my interest. And it suits the story very well. Good job!

Summary (9/10): The summary is written in a way a proper summary is supposed to be written. Just from reading it, I was very tempted to begin. It doesn't reveal everything yet it explains the one-shot in one, simple, fluent paragraph.

Plot (22/25): Since it's a one-shot, I understand that it's on a specific track. What I find most amazing is the ship (I know you intend to make them as close friends but let's just put it this way for now) of the one-shot. Kira and Atsuya? That's one unlikely pair! I've never imagined that. As far as I know, nobody has ever considered making any kind of piece with Kira, a dead boy. Your creativity is beyond me. The one-shot had the right amount of "moments" and it had a pinch of humor that made me grin. If there's something I'm not happy with, it's Atsuya's character. He seemed a bit OOC to me especially in the beginning. In the series, he appears to care for no one but his brother and I thought he was a bit too...nice? I can't really picture Atsuya living with a person he's recently met and chose to only visit his parents. Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's just a little unrealistic. If I were given the chance to live with my parents again after losing them, I'd snatch it up. Other than that, I love their connection. It makes me smile. The ending made me frown because I was really enjoying the one-shot and when I read the final bit again, I thought, "Damn. That's one ending". And there were certain sentences that delivered a bucketful of feels.

Characterization (18/20): As I stated above, Atsuya was bit too OOC for me. I expected some kind of snarky, hostile behavior from him then after a few conversations a slightly calmer, open attitude towards Kira. I know Atsuya isn't that mean but he's kind of unpredictable, isn't he? He isn't all about fun and sarcasm because he tends to get out of control and becomes twisted. And as for Kira, I think you nailed it. It's a bit of an advantage for you because IE had never really shown his behavior despite the fact he was a sweet, average kid so you have the ability to give him the nature you want. It's good! It's good that you took that advantage and you gave him a character he most likely is. He's not quixotically impeccable nor is he ridiculously flawed. I like that he reminded me of Hiroto — his character, I mean.