o=o=o
“J-jae? I was just wondering. . . .” I mumbled.
“About what?”
“I-if you. . . you could accompany me. . . .”
“Dara, Bom told me that I can’t expose you outside because of the-“
“I know that but being here or out doesn’t really matter, does it? If Sulli feels like killing me now, she will”
“Dara. . . .”
“This’ll just be quick, I promise”
He looked at me for a while, calculating. Then, he sighed. “Where to?” he asked.
“I. . . . I. . . . . I-I want to see. . . . . .” I stammered and swallowed hard as a big lump in my throat started forming just by thinking of his name. “I want to see. . . . him”
“Dara” he sighed wearily.
“It’ll be quick, just a glimpse” I pleaded. “Please? T-this. . . . this would be the last time. . . .”
“You’ll only hurt yourself”
“Please, Jae? I just want to see if he’s okay”
“But we don’t know where he is right now”
I bowed my head. He got a point.
“Okay, how about his. I’ll go out and look for him first, in my crow form then I’ll fly back to fetch you”
“We’ll fly?” I eagerly asked.
“No” he shook his head. “We’ll be using a car”
“Oh” I mumbled. “I guess. . . . I guess that’s okay. Be careful, though”
“I will” he smiled and left.
I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. Actually, I don’t think I know the difference between right and wrong anymore. So many things have changed. I can’t laugh that loud anymore, I can’t smile genuinely anymore, I’m not that talkative anymore and I prefer to be alone most of the times. Right now, I got this weird craving for black clothes, for rock music, for pancakes, for. . . . no, stop right there, Dara.
It’s been what, days or weeks since Jiyong broke up with me. I’m actually quite surprised with myself. I was expecting to lurk in my room forever. The pain I’m feeling goes beyond words to describe but there’s something keeping me up. I’d like to believe that I just got good coping mechanisms, that’s why but there’s just something that I can’t point out.
Or maybe, I’m starting accept what Bom said about me being destined to be with Jae?
Ugh! I don’t want to think anymore!
Jae came back much later.
“Did you find him?” I eagerly asked.
“Yes” he nodded gravely. “But I don’t think you-“
“Let’s go” I cut him off.
“Dara” he stopped me. “Are you sure about this?”
I took a deep breath. “Yes”
“Okay”
He led me out of the house and to his car. I was anxiously clasping and unclasping my hands. I was afraid that Jiyong might have left from the place where Jae had last seen him so I told Jae so step on the accelerator.
I can’t help the excitement that rose to my chest. Stupid, I know. Jiyong made it clear that he’s done with me already, that he’s tired of me. And yet here I am, getting excited with just the thought of seeing him again. Am I really this desperate? But the memory of Bom’s words curtained my excitement, momentarily making me confused. I glanced sideways at Jae. It’s still there – the angelic beauty that captured me before. I felt myself smile a little as I watched the softness of his face, the tenderness in his eyes, the gentle look of his lips. I can’t believe he’s a shadow. He just doesn’t seem like one. Maybe that’s why it took me longer to accept that Jae’s a shadow that my acceptance of Jiyong being one. Right from the start, I already had this weird image of Jiyong being a fallen angel. A fallen angel who appears bad but got a soft spot inside.
