You don't even bother anymore.
You don't even try.
You left me alone, I'm on my own.
You left me. I was all alone, no one, nothing.
Tell me where we went wrong.
Where did my best friend go?
I stand on the side walk, paralyzed, not shaking, not freaking out just standing so still. I feel almost like in a confused state, like I'm being hypnotized or I just forgot the basic everyday necessity of thinking.
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The few people on the sidewalk go past me giving me weird looks, thinking I just saw a ghost or something. Well they're partly right, except it was almost like I touched one. You may think this is weird but that little session of talking almost felt like the past, like nothing ever changed and it was just me and him being kids again. There was still my goofy friend Cody, his parents, mine, and little old me.
My dad was normal and so was Cody's, before the cancer and before my dad's Alzheimer's, before my mom's death it was almost like all of that didn't happen.
Maybe it wasn't a ghost, maybe Cody is still Cody and I'm just letting my pride get in the way of seeing that. Maybe it's just the fact I can't let what he did go. It all was in the heat of the moment I guess you could say. We both were running on feelings that we didn't think our actions or words through. I mean, I'm also at fault too, saying harsh words, not giving him a chance to say what he has to say.
All that's happened in these couple of weeks must mean something; it has to have happened for a reason. After five years Cody shows up, I actually go to parties, I go to a concert, I get my first kiss, and I forgive Cody.
I don't know what it is or what it mean, but whatever it is it better end good for once.
I shake my head, bringing myself back into reality. I don't have time to think of this, I have to see my dad before the visitation time is up.
Running a hand through my hair, I turn around and make my way into the house.
-
A few weeks have passed since then and it feels like my old life has crept its way back. Cody and I have been hanging out so much more and Maxx and Cali have been stronger than ever as well. Hanging out with them has also given me the perks of seeing the other guys as well. Dan and Zach are a show, always cracking jokes and they never seem to frown. With these few weeks I've also seen more of Austin as well, which I don't mind of course but since I didn't explain why I sat with Cody instead of him makes it a little awkward. During that time he seemed to understand but maybe he doesn't. Either way he tries to not let it get in the way or whenever we do hang out he tries to lighten the mood.
That aside I honestly feel happy for once and it's not that I was depressed or sad before it was just before there was so much bad in my life. With my dad and the shit with Cody it just felt like I was standing in place but now, I finally feel like it's back to normal. Cody is and always was the same guy I was just too enthralled with my emotions and listening to my pride.
Cody is my Cody, like he never left, like the five years of having no comfort no one I could really talk to never happened. These few short weeks have replaced most of the five years that were taken away for me. Most, not all, that's a stretch. It's replaced the important parts, the protectiveness, the goofiness, but not the closeness. We would share everything together before but now, I just feel like I can't do that. I still haven't told Cody about my dad, or anything that would leave me vulnerable to him. He shouldn't take it personally though, I don't share things with a lot of people it just makes them think of me differently and I hate that.
