You don't even bother anymore.
You don't even try.
You left me alone, I'm on my own.
You left me. I was all alone, no one, nothing.
Tell me where we went wrong.
Where did my best friend go?
JUST WANTED TO POINT OUT IN THE LAST CHAPTER I WROTE FIVE YEARS BUT THE MOM ONLY DIED THREE YEARS AGO. I FIXED IT BUT SORRY ABOUT THAT JUST A HEADS UP BEFORE YOU READ. But anyway, it's kind of a slow chapter but it hits all the right feelings and I think you guys will like it! Enjoy!
I did not just do that. I did not just throw away two years of being strong in a matter of two minutes. This isn't happening; no this is all just a dream. I did not relapse a day before my mother's anniversary. What did I do?
She's going to think it's because of her. No, no mom I didn't mean to. It's not your fault it's mine I'm so stupid. I was just thinking of you and the memories our family had and it just got too much. I wasn't thinking I'm so sorry I'm so weak.
Of course you're weak. Look at yourself, on the floor, razor next to you, blood dripping from your leg and tears streaming down your face. If your mother was here she'd be ashamed.
No she wouldn't. She'd help me, just like she has before if I was ever feeling down.
Sure she would.
She would.
No she wouldn't. She'd be embarrassed of you; she'd hate to have you as a daughter, just like you hate to have your father as your father.
No, no that's not true.
You said it yourself; you hated taking care of your dad.
But that doesn't mean I don't love him. Besides, I'm not taking care of him anymore. He's safe, in a home.
It does mean that. You don't love him enough to take care of him.
But it was just too much. It's not fair.
You don't love him. Your mother is ashamed of you.
No, shut up.
You abandoned your father, just like your mother did to you.
"Shut up, shut up shut up!!"
I cover my ears, bringing my blood covered legs close to my chest as I scream at my thoughts. NO, this isn't true it's just my mind doing what it does best; think the worst of things. My mother didn't abandon me, she just died. Everyone dies it wasn't her fault; it was 'gods' fault. And I didn't leave my dad, I loved him enough to make him live comfortably I did what was best.
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With my legs shaking, I slowly and surly get myself up and off the floor and with tears still falling from my eyes.
I begin to pick the mess I made in my bathroom, in case I have any surprise stop bys. And judging by what's going on in my life I might have a few.
