Bittersweet

Oh how it's been so long

Saying I was nervous would be wrong.
Saying I was literally close to passing out, would be a better thing to describe my current mood with.

I was sitting on a bar stool, my second beer bottle in my hands, whilst looking on my phone for what felt like the 30th time during the last 5 minutes.

Ray didn't say much about the guy I was going to meet up with. He only told me to wait at the bar and that Pete told that guy to look for the "red headed hottie"
I actually had to laugh at this.

I've been here for 15 minutes and my blind date still hasn't shown up. I was getting worried.
What if he just dumped me?
What if Ray told me the wrong time?
Or the wrong place?

I drowned the last bit of beer and raised my hand to order a third bottle.
If it wasn't for the alcohol, I probably would have just left the bar by now.
But I wanted to wait. Only five more minutes, then I'd go home again.

I looked at my phone again. 3 more minutes, then I'll go home.
The old man behind the bar cleaned some tables and brought my beer before skipping to the other end of the bar to stop a drunk woman from falling over a chair.

What a nice guy.

I was just about to pay for the beer and leave, when I felt somebody's hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry. There was so much traffic I really left home in time", I heard a deep voice behind me.

I froze.
No... that's impossible.
It's been ten years. That's... absolutely impossible.
I turned around slowly and froze again.

Fuck me...

"Hey my name i-... Gerard?! Gerard WAY?!", The hand on my shoulder was taken back like my body was made of lava. Of course he recognised me. Who could forget the face of his favourite victim?

"F-Frank?", I stuttered still not believing that it was really him who's standing right in front of me.

And suddenly I felt it again. The same fear I felt ten years ago. The same fear that made me want to run away but wouldn't let me move.

For a moment it seemed like Frank felt the same, but this moment was over way too soon and a shit - eating grin spread across his face.

"Look at what we have here", he tutted and let his eyes wander over my body.
I've never felt so insecure in my life
"You've lost a shit ton of weight"

I breathed out and resisted the urge to hit him.

"Y-Yeah", I whispered and tried to avoid my former bully's stare.

I wanted this to end. How could Ray do this to me?
I should have told Ray about my College time. I really should have. But I didn't and that's why I have my biggest enemy sitting besides me in a dirty bar on 6th Ave

"And you dyed your hair", I tried not to look at him, to ignore him as much as possible until I felt strong fingers stroking through my hair.
I jumped up and pushed his hand away forcefully

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!", I screeched, my voice still shaky and filled with fear.

A small laugh escaped his lips
"Where'd that attitude come from?", he smirked and let his eyes wander over my body again.
He stopped at my face and looked directly into my eyes
"When Pete said I'd meet somebody 'highly fuckable' I wasn't expecting this... Seems like Petey really needs to wear glasses"

Ouch.
That kind of hit me.

I lost weight, that's right. I've actually lost a lot of weight during the last 10 years and I was really proud of that. It took a while for me to be proud of my body. And it took even longer to control my self consciousness and I'd like to think that I managed to do that, but I was still not happy with myself.
As soon as people talk about my body (even if they just want to complement me) I try to change topics. I just don't feel comfortable with that.