Bittersweet

Don't trust a perfect person

I haven't been happy in a long time. Actually I couldn't remember the last time I went to bed and thanked god for that beautiful day.
Well I had a feeling close to real happiness a few weeks ago. When I didn't know about Bert and his almost-wife.
But after and before that, life was just the time between birth and death.
Just something to pass until you reach your destination.

But ever since yesterday I couldn't get this weird feeling out of my stomache and even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew that Frank was the reason for that.
After our shitty candlelight dinner and movie night I went home again.
No, we didn't have sex and I think that's exactly why it means so much to me.
Frank seemed like a completely different person.
Maybe some people really change after all...

With that thought in my head and a smile on my face I fell asleep yesterday (in my own apartment) and this morning I woke up just like that again.
And the smile just wouldn't leave my face, that's probably why some people gave me weird looks as I started walking to the café that Ray and Pete worked in.

I had texted them a few hours ago, apologising for cutting them off and telling them I'd come over.
Ray had answered that even though they were worried about me, everything was fine. And that Frank had said he'd come too.
So one more reason to look forward to this.

When I saw the old walls of the café I started walking faster. I couldn't wait to see Ray and Pete.
I really missed them and I knew that during the next few months it's really going to be hard to live without them.

The first thing I heard after I pushed open the glass door, was laughing.
Not knowing that I soon wouldn't have a reason to join them, I grinned even wider.

When they heard the bells jingle, Pete, Ray, Patrick and Frank instantly turned around.
Once they saw it was me, the laughing got even louder.

I stepped forward and saw that they were all standing around a book on the counter.
Now I was curious.
What book could that be if it makes them so happy?

"Hey Guys", I greeted before I leaned over to get a better look but Ray was still blocking the view.

"H-Hey Gee", Ray said and could hardly keep himself together.

"What are you looking at?", I asked, not saying it o somebody in particular but to the whole group.
All of them shared weird looks, as if they knew something I didn't before breaking into another fit of laugher again.

I frowned, not knowing what has gotten into my friends as I gently pushed Ray away.
Oh...
Now I saw what they were laughing about.

"W-What?!", I exclaimed and after a moment of shock I jumped forward and snatched the old Yearbook from the counter.
When I gave the opened page a closer look, I saw myself.
16-year-old Gerard was right on display for everyone to see.

That can't be true.
Where did they get this?
I burned my own copy all those years ago so how...?

My smile was long gone and now replaced by an expression of shock, fear and anger.

My head snapped up and if I could kill somebody with my eyes alone, Frank would have been dead.

"Oh my god GeeGee", Pete laughed.
I hadn't even payer attention to him.
He was standing right next to Frank and holding Patrick close to him by his waist.
Even the innocent ginger, who looked so adorable with his little fedora couldn't help but chuckle.

"Why did you never tell us how much of a freak you were?", Pete asked, not knowing about the pain I felt at his words. I tightened my grip on the book that I was still holding close to my chest.

"Yeah Gee. Oh my god you look so weird on that photo. And you lost so much weight how did you do that?! I mean... You were pretty fat in high school", Ray said, making the others laugh again. 

My mouth dropped open but not a single word came out.
I thought these people her were my friends, and now?
They weren't better than those idiots back in my school days.
How did I never notice that before?

It suddenly hit me like a truck.
Those people in front of me just made fun of me and it was all Frank fucking Iero's fault.
My eyes fixated on his face again and when he saw the anger, and disappointment on my face, his smile disappeared.

"How could you", I hissed as I took a step forward to get closer to him.

"Gee I-...", he started but I didn't want to hear his lame ass apology so I just three the book in his direction hoping to hit his head (of course I didn't) and stormed out of the café without saying another word.

I was angry.
No, angry was an understatement, I was fucking furious. How dare Frank to ruin what I had?!

I heard the door being pushed open again and a yelled "Gee!'' Told me that Frank had followed me outside.
Fucking great.

Not stopping, I ignored all of his calls until his thighs grip on my wrist made me spin around.

"What could you possibly want, Frank?", I snapped, my throat suddenly feeling really dry, as if all the liquid had gone to my eyes to form salty tears.
I wouldn't let them out this time.

"What's gotten into you?", Frank actually had the guts to ask.
I let out a huff.
Quickly I freed my hand out of his own and grabbed his sleeve instead to pull him into a side street.

I was too distracted by the slightly scared but mostly confused sound coming out of Frank's mouth to notice that it was the same street that Frank had dragged me into after the first time we were in the café together.

"You actually ask me what's fucking wrong?!", I hissed, pushing Frank hard against the wall, "You showed my friends the yearbook. That's what's wrong"

"But it's just a book. I don't get why you're so mad", Frank frowned, nor trying to get out of my grasp

"They saw my picture. I fucking told you that I didn't want them to know about my school life", I pinned him a bit harder against the wall.

"You said that you'd tell them and that you needed some help with that", Frank argued, slowly getting angry too, "I was just trying to help you!"

"Help me?!", I laughed dryly, "you fucking ruined everything. God Frank I wasn't ready to tell them just now"

"Well too bad", Frank said, pushing me away.

I didn't try to get closer to him again.
I've had enough

"Fuck you, Frank", I whispered, "just fucking leave me alone"
I've said this sentence a thousand times and Frank always ignored my begs but I hoped that this time he'd finally let me be.

As I said, I've had enough.

That's why I just turned around and left the small street, my vision going slightly blurry from the tears that I tried so hard to hide.

"Fine! Just fucking run away", Frank yelled after me.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to do.