Liberation [completed]

Independence- Mia

Over the course of the week, Asher comes home late and seemed to have completely emerged in his work. He barely had time to talk to me when he got home. He was either too tired, still on the phone with someone else or was rushing past me to get to his office so he could work. I had never seen anyone so focused and closed off. What shocked me, even more, was the difference between in his behaviour now, and the guy- I was used to- who seemed to be so hyper-aware of me the first few weeks I was here and spent every minute he was home with me.

It felt like a band-aid had been ripped off and I was finally seeing the true Asher. This Asher was angrier, louder and brutal. He was ruthless with whoever was on the phone with him and he was quieter. It scared me when he was quiet because the Asher I had gotten used to was louder and happier. This one was quieter and brooding. It was hard to gauge his emotions when he got home. On one of the first few nights that I waited up for him, he had snapped at me for talking too much. I had only asked about his day and how he was. It seemed like that was too much to him. He did realise what he had done and apologised immediately but after that, I got worried to talk to him. It felt like I was walking on glass shells around him.

The difference between ripping off a bandage and this was the pain. The pain was so much more excruciating, I would have preferred having ten to even twenty bandages ripped off me at the same time as compared to the painful emptiness I felt now. It was crazy how I could miss someone who actually wasn't even gone. I missed Asher coming home after work every evening and sitting with me at the window. I missed how we'd spend time together somehow at night after dinner. We'd either play games or watch a movie or I'd read and he'll work or we'd just talk. Whichever it was the night ended with us together. Recently, it became better with Asher sleeping near me. He never slept directly next to me but he was close- in the same room kinda close- and I loved it. It was worse on the weekend because he was at home but he locked himself in his office and stayed there the whole time.

This routine continued for the next week and I began realising so much more that I had to start being able to be on my own. I had unconsciously become so co-dependent on Asher that I had almost forgotten how I got by without him. My body had unconsciously become used to him too, I felt myself listening for any sounds that would signal his early return whenever I sat at the window in the living room and looked out over the city. When he didn't show, it was a whole new wave of disappointment. I knew what being unwanted felt like but with Asher, it seemed so much more harsh and raw.

By mid-week, I was angry at myself for letting this happen. I had only myself to blame for feeling this way and I hated it. I wanted to kick myself for even depending on him so much in the first place. So when Leah asks me to go shopping with her that day, I gladly take up her offer. I had never done something like this before- going shopping or going out without Asher in the upper east side. I didn't have friends to go shopping with when I growing up. As for Asher, it only seemed to motivate me more to go out with Leah. I took it as a chance for me to gain back my independence.

Leah taught me how it all worked and we had our own fashion show each time we tried on clothes. The shops we went to were all really posh and expensive. I began to worry my shoes might dirty their floor when I stepped in but I remembered I had new ones courtesy of Asher. While Leah actively bought cloths, I tried them on and settled to staring at them longingly. I refused to allow her to buy me anything.

"So you and Asher...." Leah asks me as we sip on our champagne. Yeah, one of these handbag shops served us champagne. Who does that? This shop even had a doorman.

I look away from the sleek walls and marbled floor and turn to Leah questioningly.

"What's going on between you two?" She asks me as if I was trying to hide something from her.