Never Going To Be Right {taekook/vkook au}

Chapter 1

A/n In case you didn't read the description or intro there is self harm throughout this, so please don't read if you are easily triggered.
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Jungkook's pov

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Beep

Beep

Beep

I heard the insistent beeping of the alarm clock go off, rolling over and squishing my face into my pillow. I brought the soft blanket up over my head to block out the insistent beeping coming from the bedside table. I could hear Jimin get out of his bed and shut the annoying alarm clock off mumbling how it was too early to even think about getting up and quite frankly I agreed fully.

"Jungkook, get up. We have practice today and we don't need to be late.", Jimin said not even sounding half awake himself yet still being the responsible one among the two of us.

I rolled over and squinted at him through the bright lights that had been turned on by Jimin in the hopes of making me get up fast.

"I think you need to go back to bed Jimin, it looks like you didn't get enough beauty sleep." I said before jumping up from the bed and dashing to the door knowing what was going to come next from Jimin. I then opened the our bedroom door and sprinted to the kitchen through all the hallways, trying to find a place to hide from the short person that was running after me. I entered the kitchen where I could smell terrific cooking happening. I heaed Jimin running from the room after me just as I got into the kitchen seeing Jin in his usual position cooking.

"What's going on?", Jin asked looking to me as I spirited into the kitchen. I took advantage of Jin and hid behind him in the split second before Jimin burst into the kitchen and saw that Jin was preparing breakfast for everyone. It looked absolutely delicious even though I knew I wouldn't be eating any of it.

Because I had gotten distracted by his thoughts of Jin's food, Jimin had the opportunity to tackle me to the ground and smile triumphantly over me. I gasped and winced as I felt Jimin pin my wrists above my head tightly right over the spot I had already caused myself pain a couple nights ago, very thankful for the fact that at least I was wearing a long sleeve shirt.

The boy on top of me must have noticed my grimace of pain and I saw his smile quickly fade probably not wanting to have caused me any pain. Jimin quickly got off me and reached out a hand to help me up, which I gratefully accepted.

"Sorry for hurting you Jungkookie.", Jimin apologized before hugging me tightly, almost making me lose my footing and fall before jimin released me from his grasp again.

" It's quite alright hyung.", I said back, biting my lip almost enough to draw blood to keep from crying because my wrists still really hurt from the force Jimin had put on them.

"Sorry to break up.... Whatever this is, but breakfast is ready so let's go sit down please." Jin said sounding slightly irritated, most likely from the fact that we had interrupted the silence of his kitchen.

We all then headed out to the already set table, with Jin carrying all the rest of the food. I saw that all the other members were present in their regular seats as he went to sit next to Taehyung and Jimin came to sit next to me. Taehyung looked like someone had to kick him out of bed just to get him out here, his hair being all ruffled and yawning every five seconds or just enough to take a bite of food. Even though his appearance wasn't like the usual perfect Taehyung, I felt my heart still yearn to lean over and hug him so tight.

Just then I felt Jimin elbow me and I caught his quick look making me realize that I had been staring and with a light blush painted over my face, I looked back down at the food on my plate. It was a miracle that taehyung never caught me staring even though Jimin always did.

I was so hungry I could probably eat my own and everybody else's breakfast at the table but I knew I had to not eat any of it if I wanted to keep getting thinner. So instead I just did what I always did and cut up all the delicious looking food Jin had made and started pushing it around my plate until Namjoon announced that we should get ready to leave for practice, to which I practically sprinted back to the room to get ready.

I grabbed my clothes for the day and headed to the bathroom once I had gotten them. I went to get my toothbrush from the cabinet above the sink when something caught my attention. I had seen the thin piece of metal glinting from the corner of the cabinet. I tried to put the object that caused mystery pain out of my mind while I continued about my regular actions, but once my wrists started to itch not long after getting done with washing my face I knew I was going to give in, no matter how much I told myself not to do it.

I decided to do it just this one more time, knowing in the back of my mind that I said that every single time I did this. and grabbed the razor blade from the corner of the cabinet, sitting on the edge of the toilet and pulling up my sleeves. I then unwrapped the gauze from the cuts that I had done earlier that week, hissing in the pain that ensued and ripping off the scabs from the cuts as I did. I made sure that I had some fresh gauze ready and the water running then brought the blade against my skin, watching as the first drop of blood appeared on my arm where the blade had just been and watching as it fell to the floor. As I did the action again I thought of the hate comments I had read from the time before, the same ones I always thought of when this happened.

You can't sing sing or dance, you are just bringing BTS down.

I finished the cut he had started just below the ones from last time not at all shallow, biting my lip enough to draw blood so I didnt cry out in pain.

You're just a fat, ugly, untalented nobody who shouldn't even want to be seen in public.

I cut again but deeper than the first one, watching the blood trickle down my arm and almost crying out that time.

BTS would be better off without you. They probably just have you as a member for sympathy, they-

I was just about to bring the blade to my arm for the third time when a knock sounded on the door.

"Jungkook I need to get ready can you please hurry up?!" Jimin said obviously irritated. I wondered how long I'd been in here and if Jimim had heard anything, hoping that he hadn't.

"Of course Jimin! I'll be right out!", I said trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice as to not worry Jimin. I then rinsed the fresh blood off my arm, hissing at the pain but knowing that I deserved it, and wrapping it up before finishing to get ready and begin the day that lay ahead.

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A/N

Hope you all enjoyed. Please leave a comment and thanks for reading!

(Edit 06/28/18: as I'm going through and editing this again I'm realizing just how bad my writing was when just started this lol. Please stick with the book though I promise it gets better as it progresses 💕)