Small talks.
Big conversation.
Much Talk.
Tried issues.
Going home.
Don't care.
I woke up the next morning not knowing how to feel about my own feelings. I didn't want to destroy all of the chemistry that Lucas and Maya had over myself. After sitting in my room for a good ten minutes I decided to not tell either of them, or anyone else for that matter.
Getting up was more dreadful then I expected. I knew last night hat I had to go to bed for school in the morning but I couldn't get Farkle's voice out of my head. He knew that what he said would stick in my mind so he would chose his words carefully. He chose words that would stick in my mind and he made sure that I would ponder over the decision long and hard before actually deciding on anything.
My father looked at me weird as I plopped myself down in the kitchen. He made breakfast and didn't even say a word to me which was odd because it always seemed as if my father could never keep his mouth shut.
"What did Farkle say?" He blurted out. My face went completely blank as I tried to come up with an answer that my father would approve of. "Don't worry, I know that he was in your room yesterday. He told me that there was something going on with you so he wanted to talk to you when you least expected it, to catch you off guard or something." He continued.
"He said a lot of things." I muttered as I jabbed my fork into my plate making that super annoying screechy sound that made me want to rip my ears out.
My dad decided to give up on asking me and decided to join me. We sat in absolute silence the whole meal. He only talked to me offering to bring me to school which I gladly excepted. I wanted to get to school early and have quiet time to myself. I could always walk to school but I decided that it would be easier for my father to give me a ride. If I was to walk to school, I may never get there.
***
Dad highly disapproved of my attire. He hated the idea of his daughter growing up and leaving the nest. The idea of one day not being with both of my parents scared me half to death. I knew that I could last without them but I didn't want to be away from them. They tried to keep me so protected that I began to feed into what they wanted. I hated letting it get so far as to wanting to stay home after school.
The high wasted shorts along with the lacy white crop top almost sent my father over the edge. What made him more mad was my choice in makeup. He had never seen me with more makeup than Maya which was I guess a good thing in his mind. He hated how I was dressing but decided not to say anything else, he probably thought that arguing with me would push me away.
I sat in my usual spot. I flipped through the pages in my book as kids slowly started to file in. The first out of my small group of friends was Zay who seemed amused by my choice of clothing. He snickered silently to himself and sat down in his seat.
Following Zay was Farkle and Smackle who seemed almost as amused as Zay was. Farkle took his seat and Smackle sat on his desk. They earned a disapproving look from my father and Smackle placed herself in her seat which was right next to Farkle's. It was humorous, the way that Farkle mumbled a short apology while Smackle almost died of embarrassment.
The sound of someone taking a sharp breath made me turn around. I saw Lucas and Maya at the door. Maya walked hesitantly towards me as I stood up to greet her. I felt a whiff of air puff up my shirt revealing a small patch of my stomach showing. Maya looked me up and down probably trying to conjure up what to say to me.
"What are you doing to yourself?" She asked. Lucas kissed her on the cheek and sat down in his seat which just so happened to be right next to mines.
The kiss on her cheek rung a ping of jealousy throughout my body. I wanted it to be me that was getting a kiss from him.
"I'm done pretending." I admitted. I looked her straight in the eyes letting her know that I was dead serious. She got the message and shook her head slowly.
"Pretending?" She questioned. She looked genuinely confused. I turned around to look at the rest of my friends who looked at me the same way that Maya was looking at me.
"I'm sick of pretending to be happy, Maya. Oh, and too all of you who are listening. I am sick and tired of acting like I am okay, alright." I answered and then slumped into my seat.
"I'm sorry." Maya whispered. I nodded as I felt the stares burning into the back of my head. I could feel Lucas looking at me. It wasn't just that I could feel it, I could see him out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to him as the bell rang. He mouthed the words, "are you okay?" to me and I gave him the most fakest smile that I could.
I wanted to talk to Lucas despite our previous conversation. I knew that Maya would be mad because he was her boyfriend and all but I needed my old friend back. I needed everything to go back, but nothing could ever go back. I just wanted to make it seem like it could.
