They're caught.
I cried.
He came.
Some Comfort.
More Pain.
Hugs cure.
I tried not think of Lucas on top of Maya kissing her. I tried to hold in my tears but eventually gave up on trying to conceal anything, after all the only person in my room was me.
My pillow was already tear stained when I felt an arm wrap around me. I knew immediately who it was, it was Farkle.
Farkle showing up in my room sounds weird but I was use to it in a platonic friend type of way. Farkle was the only person who knew how I felt and I would love him for that. I was comfortable with him so my body didn't go into panic.
I know, I know, it still sounds weird but Farkle and I promised years ago that we would be nothing more than friends. I never had feelings for him and I never would. Farkle was someone to be with. This was nothing different then Maya trying to comfort me.
"Are you okay?" Farkle asked as we both sat up. I debated whether to lie to him or not but I knew that Farkle would see right through me anyways.
"No, I'm not okay." I whispered.
"What happened?" He asked.
"I caught Maya and Lucas together." I admitted. The moonlight on peeking through my window gave me just enough light to see his face. His eyes were soft and he was frowning.
"I'm sorry." He muttered.
He was truly sorry. Over the years I learned to read his emotions. He never knew that I could tell how he felt but it was true, I always knew whether he was lying or not.
"Yeah, me too." I muttered back.
We sat in silence for the next couple of minutes. I didn't know what to say and I assumed that he felt the same way.
"What were they doing?" He said out of nowhere.
I looked up at him to see his face full of concern. At this moment he was probably concerned about Maya and what she was doing with Lucas. More of how far they would take it.
"Kissing, Farkle. All they were doing was kissing."
"Are you sure that you are okay?" He asked again. I nodded at him and I laid back down in my bed.
I was exhausted, truly exhausted. I was tired of coming up with reasons to keep caring for Lucas. I was tired of wanting to be with Lucas so bad. Lucas would never like me back no matter how much I hoped. He knew that I liked him but chose Maya thinking that I would want him too.
He must have thought that I said I liked him but I didn't. That I liked him and then he would choose Maya making her feel good. I don't know how I came up with that but somehow my mind conjured up reasons to justify his actions.
"Thinking about why he chose Maya?" Farkle asked still sitting up staring at my wall.
"You know me too well." I commented while we both laughed together.
Sometimes I felt as if I took his friendship for granted. I never meant for it to come off that way because I truly didn't, no matter how much it seemed like I did.
"Why do you think he chose her?" I asked him while my insides were being ripped to shreds. Every thought and every conversation revolving Lucas made me die a little.
"I don't know, really. I have always been able to read people but I don't understand why he would choose her. Everything pointed to you. I thought that he would pick you but when he chose Maya I was stunned." He answered blankly.
"You really thought that he was going to chose me over Maya? The beautiful and talented blonde over the quirky and whiny brunette?" I replied.
"This isn't a movie, Riley. You are the smart and beautiful Riley and she is the talented and beautiful Maya. Although the situation resembles a movie, this is reality. The difference between reality and fantasy is that a fantasy is what you want opposed to what is really going on. What you need to decided is whether Lucas is your fantasy, or your reality."
"I know what the difference is between fantasy and reality, Farkle. Lucas isn't my reality. If Lucas was my reality, he would have chose me. Lucas is what I want, what I crave for but you already know that. I want him so bad that I would do anything for him." I fought back the tears. Although it was almost dark I still tried to cove up my tears.
"So what is stopping you?" His question seemed genuine, like he didn't know why I wouldn't keep going after Lucas.
"You really don't know why?" I asked.
"No, I really don't." He turned around to face me as I looked but up to the ceiling.
"I don't want to hurt Maya." I said bluntly.
"I already knew that." He shrugged.
"Then why would you ask?" I snapped.
"Because, we don't know how Maya really feels. I know that it seems like she likes Lucas but I don't really think that she does. I don't know is she really likes him because I saw her with Josh one night."
"Her being with Josh means nothing." I said trying to convince myself that it was.
"I never told Maya that I saw them just like how you will never tell Lucas what you saw." He concluded.
"Of course I will never tell her." I started. "I don't want to ruin anything that Maya and Lucas may or may not have. I don't want their relationship to be ruined because of me."
"You are going to give up all of your happiness because of Maya?"
"Why does no one understand that!" I yelled softly. "Why does no one understand that I would give up anything for Maya. My happiness means nothing if she isn't happy."
"Does she know how you feel?" He asked.
I already knew what was coming. He was going to give me a timeline to tell her how I feel, except that this time I wouldn't let him.
"Lucas knows, not Maya."
"Well, I guess its better that at least on of them knows." He said.
"Farkle, I just want them to be happy." I said truthfully.
"We all want them to be happy, Riley. Nothing will ever be okay if you keep hiding your feelings." With those last words he left through my window.
